spookie Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 Rebounding. The whole process is so new to me (I am still so young) that I fear there are traps further down the road that I can't yet see. I mean, everyone is always warning everyone else against this. Sex without commitment. Without exclusivity. Without the slightest hint of feeling. But why? I was in a funky mood yesterday - sleepy, tired, kind of numb. The roommate and I went shopping for textbooks and I was forced to ackowledge to myself, once again, just how annoying I think he is. How much I don't like him. His sense of humor irks me (dumb and offensive). He is clingy, needy, hyper. Not the least bit intelligent, and a total pansy. I know that's mean but it's how I feel. And I still think he's hot. When we came back, the house was empty. I asked him for a massage. One thing led to another and eventually we were both almost naked on his bed. I was horny. On my request, we had sex. It was just so natural to do. So easy. Completely unromantic (the lights were on, my hair looked bad and my makeup was smeared; we were horizontal on the bed and my head kept knocking on the wall; we didn't kiss because he had a cold) yet pleasing in a basic kind of way. Even fulfilling. I'd only had sex with one person prior, whom I loved, and honestly this wasn't that much different. Sex is sex I guess. Afterward, he asked me if it "changed" anything. Said that though he "liked" me as a person, he wasn't in love nor looking to commit. Which, I think, would have offended me, normally, but it was so fitting to the sanitized, no frills situation that I was appreciative. I liked that we weren't kidding about what this was (an easy ****) and what it wasn't. I didn't feel good. I didn't feel bad. I didn't feel anything. This is the crazy part. I did cry. But I think it was acting more than crying. Sorrow manufactured out of numbness (because I wanted so badly to feel SOMETHING, for the moment to be SOMEHOW significant, and sorrow is the easiest emotion for me to feel). Of course that creeped him out, but it wasn't about him and I didn't care. When he asked what was wrong, I said I missed my ex, but that was anohter lie. I wished it had worked out differently with my ex, but I didn't miss him. The whole relationship was so belittling that it's hard for me to feel anything other than anger. I made him have sex 3.5 more times with me that night. And then, when he fell asleep (exhausted) I snuck out of his room and made myself a sandwich.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 Hi Spookie, I cant tell you if this is good or bad. In my experience, the whole FWB thing just didnt work out well. However, thats me. I dont really feel like your mixing up sex and love. I do get the impression that you are very much on the rebound. I wish you the absolute best, and I truly hope you dont get hurt in this experience.
melodymatters Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 Nah, there's nothing "wrong" with your behaviour. You just sound like you are young and recently getting over what was prob your "first love". I have been following your story, and as long as YOU are having fun with your roomate and f*cking him because YOU feel like it, it's all fine. Whats that quote : People come into your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime. At 40 I have realized there are going to be LOTs of " seasonal" people coming and going !!!! My only advice is to really have good conversations with your SELF. Keep checking your head, heart and gut, and make sure that whatever you are doing, you are doing FOR you, and causing no harm to others. Otherwise life is just one long chutes and ladders game !
shadowplay Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 I would discontinue to have sex with him if it makes you feel empty or numb afterwards. That's not a good feeling. Eventually it will chip away at your self worth if you continue to have sex with someone who you feel nothing for and feels nothing for you.
Diplok Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 I would discontinue to have sex with him if it makes you feel empty or numb afterwards. That's not a good feeling. Eventually it will chip away at your self worth if you continue to have sex with someone who you feel nothing for and feels nothing for you. I am so glad someone finally said it.
Sleek Geek Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 Your post sounds so detached from the whole situation that it actually makes me worry. You say the fact you cried was an act and you lied about it being about your ex. Are you sure that in some small way this isn't actually the truth? Maybe a part of you was crying for real, but this is not the part of you writing this today? Maybe you want to toughen up and move on and ignore the side of you that's feeling vulnerable and has to let go of your romantic ideals? Was it the first time you had sex since breaking up with your ex? I know I went through a phase like that after my first heartbreak. I even had a FWB. It didn't damage me in anyway and I dumped him as soon as I met someone who showed better potential. But please take care of yourself and do little things that make you happy.
JCD Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 You're rebelling against love by having sex and making yourself believe that it's nothing when in fact it's a sacred thing and you know it. I could never do what you're doing because I have self respect for myself. It's not about having sex but making love with the one you love that counts. You're just throwing a fit because you can't have it so you settle for something less and it's eating at your self esteem. Stop having sex and regain your self respect. Don't sulk. I know life is hard and doesn't always go your way but there is no reason to act like a child when things don't go your way.
underpants Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 Nah, there's nothing "wrong" with your behaviour. You just sound like you are young and recently getting over what was prob your "first love". I have been following your story, and as long as YOU are having fun with your roomate and f*cking him because YOU feel like it, it's all fine. Whats that quote : People come into your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime. At 40 I have realized there are going to be LOTs of " seasonal" people coming and going !!!! My only advice is to really have good conversations with your SELF. Keep checking your head, heart and gut, and make sure that whatever you are doing, you are doing FOR you, and causing no harm to others. Otherwise life is just one long chutes and ladders game ! Sage advice. I do not like the chutes.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 8, 2007 Posted September 8, 2007 Rebounding. The whole process is so new to me (I am still so young) that I fear there are traps further down the road that I can't yet see. I mean, everyone is always warning everyone else against this. Sex without commitment. Without exclusivity. Without the slightest hint of feeling. But why? I was in a funky mood yesterday - sleepy, tired, kind of numb. The roommate and I went shopping for textbooks and I was forced to ackowledge to myself, once again, just how annoying I think he is. How much I don't like him. His sense of humor irks me (dumb and offensive). He is clingy, needy, hyper. Not the least bit intelligent, and a total pansy. I know that's mean but it's how I feel. And I still think he's hot. When we came back, the house was empty. I asked him for a massage. One thing led to another and eventually we were both almost naked on his bed. I was horny. On my request, we had sex. It was just so natural to do. So easy. Completely unromantic (the lights were on, my hair looked bad and my makeup was smeared; we were horizontal on the bed and my head kept knocking on the wall; we didn't kiss because he had a cold) yet pleasing in a basic kind of way. Even fulfilling. I'd only had sex with one person prior, whom I loved, and honestly this wasn't that much different. Sex is sex I guess. Afterward, he asked me if it "changed" anything. Said that though he "liked" me as a person, he wasn't in love nor looking to commit. Which, I think, would have offended me, normally, but it was so fitting to the sanitized, no frills situation that I was appreciative. I liked that we weren't kidding about what this was (an easy ****) and what it wasn't. I didn't feel good. I didn't feel bad. I didn't feel anything. This is the crazy part. I did cry. But I think it was acting more than crying. Sorrow manufactured out of numbness (because I wanted so badly to feel SOMETHING, for the moment to be SOMEHOW significant, and sorrow is the easiest emotion for me to feel). Of course that creeped him out, but it wasn't about him and I didn't care. When he asked what was wrong, I said I missed my ex, but that was anohter lie. I wished it had worked out differently with my ex, but I didn't miss him. The whole relationship was so belittling that it's hard for me to feel anything other than anger. I made him have sex 3.5 more times with me that night. And then, when he fell asleep (exhausted) I snuck out of his room and made myself a sandwich. Eh, I love it when a woman "makes" a guy have sex. Oddly, nobody loves it when a guy "makes" a woman have sex. Funny that. Anyway, I sense that you have been there, and known the awesome inner feelings associated with dreaming about the future, and the long-term relationship you'll have. After your breakup there was a temporary setback from that, and the recent activities just filled the void, and felt good in the present. I sorta think that is OK... especially when nobody is leading the other side on. With age and life experience you'll reach for that temporary feel-good option less and less... and your path will be normal that way. Keep using protection every time and you probably won't harm yourself a great deal before getting it all figured out and put in proper perspective.
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