LoveLace Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 I'm really excited to see my new guy this weekend, he's coming into town Saturday and it's a holiday weekend so we have plans to spend Sat. and Sun. together. We've been on the phone late every night this week and I have yet to really find anything wrong with him, in fact my interest is definitely growing. But I haven't had a relationship like this in a long time, and it's pretty new. I work full-time and nursing school starts back up on Tuesday. Last night he said "I wanna stay with you Monday night" (we have hotel rooms with friends for the weekend)....I said I can't let you do that, because Tuesday is a 13 hour day for me, between work and school. I will obviously need good quality sleep Monday night and I don't see that happening if he stays there....he didn't argue with me at all... But I'm thinking geez, Saturday and Sunday will be plenty enough for me, is he getting in over his head or what? If he didn't live an hour and a half away, I'm afraid of how much he might be smothering me. He knows the crazy schedule I'll have with work/school and the fact that I might only see him maybe once a month. So I guess maybe he's just trying to spend as much time with me as possible; I'm getting worried that once school starts back up, he will be too unhappy with the little time we'll get together....while I"ll be perfectly fine with it. But I'm worried that if I feel too smothered I will lose interest which I don't want to happen because so far the guy is close all I've ever dreamt about. How should I address this with him? Am I over-reacting?
Author LoveLace Posted August 31, 2007 Author Posted August 31, 2007 I am probably making too big a deal out of this...wish I knew why I'm freaking out a little....only to be estatic at the same time...I guess it's normal?
2sunny Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 LL- what has been your room mates reaction to your newfound love interest?
Lyssa Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 Hi LoveLace! First of all, I'm happy that you get to spend time with your new BF! I wish my BF would be here with me - lol. Like you, I don't like to feel smothered - a little is fine with me but for a guy to want to be with me ALL the time, I'm not up for that, then again... with your full time and nursing school starting soon, I think he just wants to spend more time with you. He probably thinks 3 days is better than 2 - he is after all spending those time with you and he's probably afraid that if you both spend less time together, the love will fade away. Some guys can be as girly as some typical girls are... You know, way too emotional and needy... I wouldn't say you're over-reacting. Just wait and see how things are when school starts. If he starts to smother you way much more than you can handle then perhaps, you can talk to him about it. Tell him that he's close to what you have dreamt all along, it's just that you don't like to be smothered...
VIP Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 If he didn't live an hour and a half away, I'm afraid of how much he might be smothering me. It's what you allow to happen, I don't think he is going to insist on seeing you if you don't want to. I think many women are looking for some kind of perfection. It's bad if he is not interested, and it's bad if he is interested too much. You need someone lukewarm, someone who is not sure if he likes you enough, to keep you guessing. I might only see him maybe once a month...I'm getting worried that once school starts back up, he will be too unhappy with the little time we'll get together....while I"ll be perfectly fine with it. If you feel smothered by someone who wants to see you more than once a month, the man you need must have a very low level of interest in you.
Author LoveLace Posted August 31, 2007 Author Posted August 31, 2007 Sunny - my roommate met Marty very briefly but he's been working a lot so I don't think he realizes the extent of how much me and the guy like each other. He seemed a bit surprised to see him, but weather or not it bothers him I can't tell, but I doubt it. However my roommate did say he wants to talk to me about something later today, which is odd for him, so I'm not sure what that's about but it's probably not about our relationship (I wouldn't think) as we've established our friendship is quite important to us. But I would just die if he suddenly said he wanted more...even then it would be a no-brainer because Marty is still way too great to give up, my roommate is nothing like him. Lyssa thanks your advice is good, I'll just see how things go and I'll have to be honest with him about my feelings for space and such, if/when I feel it's necessary.. VIP -- I agree with you, it seems like we all want the perfect medium in a relationship.... Wanting to see me more than once a month wouldn't make me feel smothered, I just hope he'll be understanding about my schedule. When I try to describe to people just how busy I am, they don't seem to take it seriously, as if I exaggerate but I don't! My schedule will be basically working 12 days on and 2 off. I'll only get 4 days off per month because clinicals take place on weekends. I've told Marty this but somehow I don't think he really gets it. And once school starts I won't be able to call him every single day like we've done so far. I don't think he'll be ignorant about anything, I just don't want him to think my busy life is a lame excuse not to be able to call him everyday or see him more. I am OK with seeing him once a month because I'll have so many other things to focus on, the less distraction the better....maybe I shouldn't even be trying to have a relationship right now...but I also don't want to feel deprived of pleasure... thanks everyone
Kamille Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 Good job on listening to yourself and establishing your boundaries. By now I am weary of guys who rush into things - but I think that my problem was that I didn't speal up when I needed space. I think that since he is that into you, you shouldn't feel guilty about taking the space and the time that you need. There is no rush or emergency right?
Author LoveLace Posted August 31, 2007 Author Posted August 31, 2007 Good job on listening to yourself and establishing your boundaries. By now I am weary of guys who rush into things - but I think that my problem was that I didn't speal up when I needed space. I think that since he is that into you, you shouldn't feel guilty about taking the space and the time that you need. There is no rush or emergency right? Exactly...maybe as long as I let him know if I ever feel that he's crowding too much or expecting more than my time allows, and in a nice way, it'll go smoothly, long as he's understanding and patient enough. Since I was quick to tell him staying in town until Tuesday is an absolute no way for me, hopefully he's getting that I have some strict boundaries here and not just because I need space but because my life is hectic. He also keeps trying to talk me into having him arrive in town tonight instead of tomorrow, but I explained that I have sh*t to do and I want to get good sleep so that I can pumped for our plans together. I get very little free time so I just hope he doesn't expect me to try and spend every second of that with him and no one else.
maynard Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 smothered? you are barely going to be seeing him anyway i dont know...seeing my girlfriend only once a month isnt very much at all. id like to see my girl at least 2 times a week. maybe he is just trying to get as much time with you as possible, knowing that next time will be be a longer wait
Author LoveLace Posted August 31, 2007 Author Posted August 31, 2007 smothered? you are barely going to be seeing him anyway i dont know...seeing my girlfriend only once a month isnt very much at all. id like to see my girl at least 2 times a week. maybe he is just trying to get as much time with you as possible, knowing that next time will be be a longer wait I'm sure your right about that. I know that once a month isn't much but I can't do anything about it. Work and school have to come 1st. I was just saying I'd feel smothered if he wants me to use all of what free time I have with him when I also like free time to myself and with family/friends. But he seems like understanding enough of a guy, so far. It's great that he's excited to see me and be with me as much as he can; but I'll feel like a b*tch for every time I'll have other priorities (like homework/studying) plus only seeing once or twice a month...if he gets too frustrated with the relationship I'll understand, I just hope that he doesn't.
Star Gazer Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 I had a similar conversation with the guy I'm seeing now. I would just let him know that your schedule is very demanding, that you need down time as well, and need his help in trying to strike a healthy balance between work, him, and yourself. If you explain to him that you don't want to become overwhelmed in any area of your life, and that you could benefit from his help in the romantic part of your life to keep things from getting too intense or overwhelming. I've found that by asking a guy to help you in this way, he's less likely to feel blown off, pushed away, or think you're exaggerating. I often tell my guy how appreciative I am of his understanding during periods where things get hectic, and he's somehow found a way to create that balance for us.
Author LoveLace Posted August 31, 2007 Author Posted August 31, 2007 I had a similar conversation with the guy I'm seeing now. I would just let him know that your schedule is very demanding, that you need down time as well, and need his help in trying to strike a healthy balance between work, him, and yourself. If you explain to him that you don't want to become overwhelmed in any area of your life, and that you could benefit from his help in the romantic part of your life to keep things from getting too intense or overwhelming. Well-worded...I'll try to say it exactly that way, even. I can't think of a better way to explain it to him.
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