niceguy27 Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Ok. I did find out through a mutual friend that she has been hanging out a little bit with this new guy. Complete opposite of me. Typical chode. They are not sleeping with each other but have gone out on dates I think. I am so angry and saddened by her not being honest with me. So I think Im going to send this to her...Let me know....THANKS!!!! xxx, I know I shouldn't do this, but as open as I am, I have to share with you my feelings. If you are seeing someone else, what good is this break going to do? Really. I thought you needed to cool things down and collect your thoughts. The more I think about it, the more I see that you would have these thoughts only if you were seeing someone else. That is why you keep insisting on not being exclusive. What have I not given you that made you do this? You of all people. You have broken my heart. For what? To go see other people? You and I were HAPPY together! HAPPY! Not in a million years did I think that this would happen to us. Maybe other couples, but not us. You tell me that you dont have time for us, but yet you want to see other people? How is this fair to me? Wanted to be with just me? Again, what do I not give you for you to do this? This is breaking my heart. I know you want time and stuff, but for God's sake, do you need to do it while seeing other people? That is the whole reason for this right? So why try to "find yourself" in someone elses arms? Why not rely on someone who loves and cares for you to support you? That is me! I give you everything you need. Its us xxx. We have everything that people want. Two people who live their own lives but share it together. We've got it all. I think you used that "confused" line to try to let me off easy. When in reality you had already met someone else. You told me that Tuesday night at the bar. So if you need to straighten things out, don't you think it should be by yourself??? Not jumping in with another guy? xxx, you went from top of the world with me to dumping me out of the blue! Dumping ME! xxxx. For what??? What have I done or not done to deserve this? Why not try to work through this instead of throwing me out like some used towel? This is what kills me the most: Why are you just shutting me out like I never existed? After EVERYTHING you and I have had together, how in the world could the person whom I love the most and have been so intimate and open with do this to me???? It's that betrayal of trust that has broken my heart xxx. Instead of discussing things with me and trying to work out a solution, I feel as if you have chosen to just shut me out of your life. Shut that part of your heart that loved me right down. Like I never even existed. I cannot believe that you could be capable of doing this. Especially to me! I have so many questions that are going unanswered right now. I have not gotten a straight answer from anyone. You have literally done a 180 and have turned your back on me. Your so called best friend, lover, partner. And the only reason I still am trying to get through to you is because I want us to work out. We have so much more to look forward too in life. Just recently you were so totally in love and announced it to the world. That is how I feel too. So why cant we just live for the moment and enjoy what we have? Our love is worth saving. I didnt want to call or try to meet up with you because you will only give ME a limited amount of time. I wanted to convey my feelings for you with this little letter. I won't call you or beg you to end this break. I still want to do the time and see how it pans out. Your more than welcome to call me or come over when you get this. If not, that is cool too. I will talk to you soon.
Author niceguy27 Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 Never Mind. I sent it. I am not going down without a little bit of a fight. I deserve some more answeres other than "confused" and "space".
Jinnah Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Never Mind. I sent it. I am not going down without a little bit of a fight. I deserve some more answeres other than "confused" and "space". Oh, I was going to say no. If she was happy as you said, she wouldn't have ended it. Sounds a little too forceful. Has she responded?
Author niceguy27 Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 No. Not yet. Honestly is #1 in my book. And since we have always been open about things, I dont think I deserve a "confused" "space" reason. That is why I wrote that. Just be straight with me. But...There is a little ray of hope that maybe that is exactly what she needs. To see if I truly am the one. Her words to me were this when we took this break... "I need to fully appreciate you and realize what I have with you." And also, "My feelings change for you sometimes every day. I need to be sure your the one." So, do I just lay off and let her do this? Maybe this is what she needs. Im so lost I have no idea what to do. I cant get just a straight answer out of her.
Jinnah Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 No. Not yet. Honestly is #1 in my book. And since we have always been open about things, I dont think I deserve a "confused" "space" reason. That is why I wrote that. Just be straight with me. But...There is a little ray of hope that maybe that is exactly what she needs. To see if I truly am the one. Her words to me were this when we took this break... "I need to fully appreciate you and realize what I have with you." And also, "My feelings change for you sometimes every day. I need to be sure your the one." So, do I just lay off and let her do this? Maybe this is what she needs. Im so lost I have no idea what to do. I cant get just a straight answer out of her. That's why I was going to tell you no, don't send. Sometimes the person has to realize what they are missing, but they have to miss you first! She won't if you keep contacting her because she probably figures that she can do what she wants and that you will always be there if she changes her mind. I bet if you go MIA she might get worried and contact you. Then you have to be nonchalant and that might help her make her decision. I know if sounds stupid, but some people play games... some people need the thrill of the chase sometimes, but those types could be bad news... after a 20 or 30 year marriage, there usually isn't really a chase and they might go looking for one. Get busy in your life and who knows, you might find someone who doesn't get bored so easily. Or she will realize that the grass isn't greener on the other side. Every relationship has problems... no matter who it's with... you just have to truly love the person to make it work.
Author niceguy27 Posted August 31, 2007 Author Posted August 31, 2007 Thanks for the input. I thought about it, and since she has had so much "control" over us lately with HER making the decision to do this, I put up a little fight. At the end of the letter, it states that Im still sticking by this 2 week thing with me not calling her. At the end of the two weeks I will see if Ive moved on enough to let things go and accept it, or see if that gives her time to cool off and see what "greener grass" means. At least now I got to get a little jab back at her. Small victory but still gives me a little bit of solace laying it on thick like that just this one time.
Travis L Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 I guess the letter is a done deal but here is a strangers impression of the letter. xxx, I know I shouldn't do this, but as open as I am, I have to share with you my feelings. If you are seeing someone else, what good is this break going to do? Really. I thought you needed to cool things down and collect your thoughts. The more I think about it, the more I see that you would have these thoughts only if you were seeing someone else. That is why you keep insisting on not being exclusive. Obviously this break is for her to see if you are the one that she wants. How is she going to do that by sitting at home alone? She feels the need to go out there and see how you compare with other "fish". Might not be fair and might not be the response you are looking for in a mate, but that's the way it is. What have I not given you that made you do this? You of all people. You have broken my heart. For what? To go see other people? You and I were HAPPY together! HAPPY! Not in a million years did I think that this would happen to us. Maybe other couples, but not us. You tell me that you dont have time for us, but yet you want to see other people? How is this fair to me? Wanted to be with just me? Again, what do I not give you for you to do this? Like another poster said...obviously she wasn't as happy as you think she was or she wouldn't have left. Unless she is used to being unhappy (i.e. abused) and you are treating her so nice then she doesn't know how to act...again, not a prime choice of a mate. This isn't about fairness towards you...its about her not being that into you. Or being confused as to what it is that she does want. This part of the letter actually might scare her a little. She might see you as desperate, needy, uncontrolled, unrealistic, etc... Maybe even the type to get a shotgun out of the cabinet and put it to her head and say, "You are happy, damn it...don't you realize that you are killing me? If you leave I am going to kill everything that you hold dear!" Again, this probably isn't you...but it comes across a little on the psycho side. This is breaking my heart. I know you want time and stuff, but for God's sake, do you need to do it while seeing other people? That is the whole reason for this right? So why try to "find yourself" in someone elses arms? Why not rely on someone who loves and cares for you to support you? That is me! I give you everything you need. Its us xxx. We have everything that people want. Two people who live their own lives but share it together. We've got it all. Obviously she doesn't feel the same. And yes, she needs to do this time apart while seeing other people. She will rely on someone who cares for her but you need to man up and show her that you are a man...not pushy and not so over the top. I think you used that "confused" line to try to let me off easy. When in reality you had already met someone else. You told me that Tuesday night at the bar. So if you need to straighten things out, don't you think it should be by yourself??? Not jumping in with another guy? xxx, you went from top of the world with me to dumping me out of the blue! Dumping ME! xxxx. For what??? What have I done or not done to deserve this? Why not try to work through this instead of throwing me out like some used towel? No, it doesn't mean that she has to do it by herself. Jumping in with another guy is probably your only hope (if you have laid the proper ground work) for her seeing that you are a great guy and worthy of committing to. I know it hurts to see the one you love with another guy but is it the end of the world? nah... Again, you are being very pushy and sounding needy... She wants to be with a man... Act like a man. This is what kills me the most: Why are you just shutting me out like I never existed? After EVERYTHING you and I have had together, how in the world could the person whom I love the most and have been so intimate and open with do this to me???? It's that betrayal of trust that has broken my heart xxx. Instead of discussing things with me and trying to work out a solution, I feel as if you have chosen to just shut me out of your life. Shut that part of your heart that loved me right down. Like I never even existed. I cannot believe that you could be capable of doing this. Especially to me! I have so many questions that are going unanswered right now. I have not gotten a straight answer from anyone. You have literally done a 180 and have turned your back on me. Your so called best friend, lover, partner. You are accusing her of not being a best friend, lover, partner but not giving her any understanding or compassion. Let her do her thing and pay her no mind... If she wants you, she knows where to find you... Stop pressuring and seeming so angry. You want to appear controlled and confident. Do you want to pressure her into coming back to you or do you want her to come back on her own? Pressuring her is only going to cause her to leave again in the future (speaking from experience). I strongly encourage you to browse Second chances and focus on the long threads... Look for posts by gunny and LadyJane... Also, look for the 180's that you can do.. You need to man up, stop being pushy, stop being needy, stop being desperate. I hope this isn't too harsh for you but seriously, try to control the anger. Anger will get you no where. I'm not sure how she will react to this letter but if she is anyone worth keeping, you are in a load of $hit right now. Just hope she is more understanding than you are. Not that I am defending her actions as I don't think jumping ship is the the best solution to relationship problems, but if you pressed her she might tell you that you have been controlling in the relationship. We all make mistakes when we are hurt by a lover (I know I have made tons during my breakup) so I'm not saying you are a bad guy...just do a lot of studying on this website and find possible solutions before you go off and send another letter like this gem.
Author niceguy27 Posted August 31, 2007 Author Posted August 31, 2007 Ok, either I am extremely lucky or someone is watching out for me. I sent it yesterday and thought it went through. Well for whatever reason, it never made it. I dont think I was logged in at the time or what because she called me last night to let me know that it would be nice if I called her mother to wish her a happy birthday. I asked her if she checked her myspace lately and she said that she did and all she had was stupid spam from others. So I think I dodged a bullet. I am a rookie when it comes to the myspace and facebook. I dont even know how to put a picture up there. Either way, I was upset yesterday and that is the reason I had wrote it. Things had been on her terms for a while and I wanted something to kind of wake her up. But...After posting this thread and reading the responses, the hardest truth to face is that I really think she does need to go see others. So she is sure herself about us. That much I know out all this mess.
heartoutside Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 Rule number one: Never act out on your emotion when all you're running is your emotion. Let your head clear before you act. The heart can lead the head in the wrong place at times, so it's best if you want to write a letter, write it by hand, think about it, post it on here, think about it, maybe for several days....but the key is to think about it with a clear mind. I've been batteling with this for a week now....my ex is texting me out of the blue, and every time I reply, I really think about it. Now I want to write her a text out of the blue, but I won't because I've thought about it...2 days ago...I almost did....but I gave it some time.
Jinnah Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 Travis made a really good point when he said not to sound needy. That's important. In our society "men" are supposed to be strong and not show certain emotions. I think that is wrong and I actually am glad my husband shows emotion, but some girls don't. She might be the type who likes unemotional men. Also, Travis said it sounded a little pushy... I wanted to say that, but didn't want to offend you, but it's true Anyway, it's a good thing she didn't get it. IGNORE HER. DON'T CONTACT HER. She gave herself away a little by calling and telling you to wish her mother a happy birthday. If she is completely done with you, why the heck would she care if you did that?! The ball is in your hands right now... do not contact her at all. If she contacts you again, be friendly, but do not bring up the relationship, and get busy and tell her you have to go. Make the conversation short. Don't let her know what you are feeling. Trust me, this will drive her insane!! Let her get afraid, wondering if you have moved on. If she brings it up, say you are unsure yourself. You wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who could leave any time they start questioning the relationship. Say you want to be with someone who KNOWS they want to be with you, and until she does, it won't work out. Make all conversations with her short until she is ready to get serious and do some serious talking! Let her be the one to bring up having a serious talk as well You can get the outcome you want out of this if you handle it right. I'm not into playing games, but I do feel she needs to worry a little. Plus, if you weren't so upset right now you would be feeling this way anyway. In these types of situations, people don't respond to neediness and clinginess, etc. This is about confidence... be confident with yourself, know what you deserve, and let it show (without being conceited/rude!)... that is what is attractive P.S. Heartoutside made a good point about not acting out of emotion... never do it!
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