Luna_Lovegood Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 I am contemplating becoming involved with a married man. Im sure it would be purely sexual for him; I've been hes friend/colleague for a while, and even if he seems annoyed with his wife/family at times I don't think he's getting up to leave yet. (Altho, he once said, quite frustrated, "if she get's pregnant again, and I've told her this, I'm leaving".) I think I might be in love with him. I am trying to hold back, I like having him as a friend, coz he has been quite fun to be around, and also supportive. But lately, we've been getting into some flirting on MSN - "hardcore" flirting. IRL I just thot he was kidding when he'd be flirty, but now it seems like he means it. But I keep thinking that this may be a totally stupid move. I will get emotionally entangled, and Im pretty sure he wont leave her for me any time soon. (A magic 8-ball said we'd get married in our 40's, we're 27/28 now. ) I think I'll also feel bad after a while, allowing him the possibility to cheat... Right now Im just saying "hey, he's attractive... if it's not me, it someone else, and for all I know, I'm not the only one he's doing this with right now..." Im not sure what my question is. Maybe I just need to get yelled at and have it put in perspective. Oh I do have one practical question tho; If I go and "do it"... Is there any difference in "doing it" when it's just about the sex and you're not relationship-y? Will there be kissing? I really like kissing, I wouldn't want to just... get naked and do it.
reboot Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 If you're looking for absolution, I doubt you'll get it here. You already know the answer to your question. It's wrong, wrong, wrong.
TogetherForever Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 I am contemplating becoming involved with a married man. Im sure it would be purely sexual for him; I've been hes friend/colleague for a while, and even if he seems annoyed with his wife/family at times I don't think he's getting up to leave yet. (Altho, he once said, quite frustrated, "if she get's pregnant again, and I've told her this, I'm leaving".) I think I might be in love with him. I am trying to hold back, I like having him as a friend, coz he has been quite fun to be around, and also supportive. But lately, we've been getting into some flirting on MSN - "hardcore" flirting. IRL I just thot he was kidding when he'd be flirty, but now it seems like he means it. But I keep thinking that this may be a totally stupid move. I will get emotionally entangled, and Im pretty sure he wont leave her for me any time soon. (A magic 8-ball said we'd get married in our 40's, we're 27/28 now. ) I think I'll also feel bad after a while, allowing him the possibility to cheat... Right now Im just saying "hey, he's attractive... if it's not me, it someone else, and for all I know, I'm not the only one he's doing this with right now..." Im not sure what my question is. Maybe I just need to get yelled at and have it put in perspective. Oh I do have one practical question tho; If I go and "do it"... Is there any difference in "doing it" when it's just about the sex and you're not relationship-y? Will there be kissing? I really like kissing, I wouldn't want to just... get naked and do it. DON'T DO IT. WHEN IN DOUBT, DON'T! Are you serious with your ?'s about kissing? TF
JackJack Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 I am contemplating becoming involved with a married man. Im sure it would be purely sexual for him; I've been hes friend/colleague for a while, and even if he seems annoyed with his wife/family at times I don't think he's getting up to leave yet. (Altho, he once said, quite frustrated, "if she get's pregnant again, and I've told her this, I'm leaving".) * "If she gets pregnant again, I'm leaving." OK, so he has no hand in laying down with her to help create another life? Classic. I hope you know that is BS. if it's not me, it someone else, and for all I know, I'm not the only one he's doing this with right now..." *My guess is, you're correct in thinking that. If not you, then perhaps someone else. Oh I do have one practical question tho; If I go and "do it"... Is there any difference in "doing it" when it's just about the sex and you're not relationship-y? Will there be kissing? I really like kissing, I wouldn't want to just... get naked and do it. *Sounds like you really are thinking about this or you wouldn't have asked. Are you married? If so, why would you want to risk your family and losing everything? If you are NOT married, still why would you want to be a partipant in helping to wreck a home, no mater what line he feeds you about how his life sucks or how unhappy he is? Why get another woman's sloppy seconds? Plus, you'll probably play second fiddle to her anyway.
Lyssa Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 DON'T DO IT. WHEN IN DOUBT, DON'T! Are you serious with your ?'s about kissing? TF I'm with TF! If in doubt - don't get involved! It'll be way more complicated.
Author Luna_Lovegood Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 DON'T DO IT. WHEN IN DOUBT, DON'T! Are you serious with your ?'s about kissing? TF Yes I am serious about that. I'm fairly inexperienced, I've only ever had relationships and drunken one-night stands... I actually have to clue when it comes to hooking up with people in a no-relationship-circumstance.
TogetherForever Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Off topic for just a second, Lyssa, I love your signature line!!! TF
Author Luna_Lovegood Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 *Sounds like you really are thinking about this or you wouldn't have asked. Are you married? If so, why would you want to risk your family and losing everything? If you are NOT married, still why would you want to be a partipant in helping to wreck a home, no mater what line he feeds you about how his life sucks or how unhappy he is? Why get another woman's sloppy seconds? Plus, you'll probably play second fiddle to her anyway. I'm not married no. ... and I'm thinking he'll wreck his home no matter if I get myself involved or not. He's fun and attractive, I'm sure he can get his way with almost anyone.
JackJack Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Yes I am serious about that. I'm fairly inexperienced, I've only ever had relationships and drunken one-night stands... I actually have to clue when it comes to hooking up with people in a no-relationship-circumstance. So why not find someone who is single?
vivi Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 luna, I don't think this is the move for you. If you're wondering about adultery etiquette and it getting "relationship-y" and just getting naked and doing it, you're telegraphing that there's an emotional component in the mix, at least for you. You work with the guy and you see him every day. Initially that's going to be very exciting for you both but over time its going to be difficult. If it's just sex to him and you're wondering if he'll leave her for him "anytime soon" that's your answer right there, isn't it? You're setting yourself up for disappointment. He's fun and the flirting is fun. Enjoy the ego boost and let the rest go.
JackJack Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 I'm not married no. ... and I'm thinking he'll wreck his home no matter if I get myself involved or not. He's fun and attractive, I'm sure he can get his way with almost anyone. So why get involved? You have no problem in helping him out to wreck it? There are plenty of men, I'm sure who are fun and attractive that are not married. If he can get his way with almost anyone, that's not really all that great of a quality.
Author Luna_Lovegood Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 * "If she gets pregnant again, I'm leaving." OK, so he has no hand in laying down with her to help create another life? Classic. I hope you know that is BS. *shrug* How many married couples use condoms? How many women go off the pill without telling their husbands? I totally believe that, coz he was distraught when she got pregnant again; he wasn't ready at all. The first one was a "mistake" as well, and he did "the right thing" and married her and took care of the kid. But he didn't want to go thru the baby-thing with sleepless night all over again, coz he was studying full time and working at the time.
Author Luna_Lovegood Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 So why get involved? You have no problem in helping him out to wreck it? There are plenty of men, I'm sure who are fun and attractive that are not married. If he can get his way with almost anyone, that's not really all that great of a quality. Yeah... But I'm so in trouble... I cant stop thinking about him. And then get all stupid and think maybe he'll leave her? And then I just wanna kill myself for being an idiot.
TogetherForever Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Yes I am serious about that. I'm fairly inexperienced, I've only ever had relationships and drunken one-night stands... I actually have to clue when it comes to hooking up with people in a no-relationship-circumstance. IT IS NOT WISE FOR YOU TO PROCEED WITH THIS SITUATION. TF
JackJack Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 coz he was distraught when she got pregnant again; he wasn't ready at all. The first one was a "mistake" as well, That's not your problem though. But he is trying to make it your problem by handing you a pity story so he can get in your pants. Think more highly of yourself, and don't get involved with soemone who thinks so little of himself and his family.
Lyssa Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 I'm not married no. ... and I'm thinking he'll wreck his home no matter if I get myself involved or not. He's fun and attractive, I'm sure he can get his way with almost anyone. Okay, he'll wreck it no matter what. Doesn't that show that he'll cheat with just about anyone and not just with you?
Lyssa Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Off topic for just a second, Lyssa, I love your signature line!!! TF Off topic! Thanks, TF!!
a4a Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 He is not going to leave her for some side action..... you are simply infatuated with him at this point.... and living with a person is much different then just screwing them. You are running around with him in your mind on some romantic fantasy unicorn ranch at the moment. Go find a real single guy..... one that won't just use you as a hole because obviously with this one you are already setting yourself up for big time pain because you have "feelings" for him that surpass the tingle you get in your pants for him.
Author Luna_Lovegood Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 coz he was distraught when she got pregnant again; he wasn't ready at all. The first one was a "mistake" as well, That's not your problem though. But he is trying to make it your problem by handing you a pity story so he can get in your pants. Think more highly of yourself, and don't get involved with soemone who thinks so little of himself and his family. He told that story to everyone tho, and I doubt he's trying to get into the pants of the women in our office in their 60's.
Author Luna_Lovegood Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 He is not going to leave her for some side action..... you are simply infatuated with him at this point.... and living with a person is much different then just screwing them. You are running around with him in your mind on some romantic fantasy unicorn ranch at the moment. Go find a real single guy..... one that won't just use you as a hole because obviously with this one you are already setting yourself up for big time pain because you have "feelings" for him that surpass the tingle you get in your pants for him. .... okay. I guess I should not do it then. I've known all along, I just needed someone to tell me.. My friends (smart, intellectual people) have been telling me "go on, you deserve some fun"... and that has confused me somewhat. Cheating is so normal these days I guess. But ok. I wont. I hope.
JackJack Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 He told that story to everyone tho, and I doubt he's trying to get into the pants of the women in our office in their 60's. Ok, well I gave my opinon on the matter. You seem to make excuses for him anyway reguardless of what others are saying, so the choice is up to you to be used or not.
SoHotZanzibar Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 What good can come from cheating besides an orgasm, which you can get elsewhere
TogetherForever Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Luna, Here's an idea. Keep the fantasy going in your head only, buy some adult toys, enjoy. Again, don't do it. TF
a4a Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 If you are going to have a F-buddy that you have zero expectations from and you won't get all emotional over....... that you don't sit around thinking about all day....... yeah..... do em! But you are already probably in "love"..... Now that is setting aside the fact that this guy is Married with kids..... oh how romantic when he is paying out 1/2 his check to the X for child support and you have to deal with their fights, and there is no time for you because he has the kids this weekend......... oh how romantic it will be for both of you.
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