PainterGirl Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Ok, I will try and be brief (relatively) : P Basically my ex broke up with me completely abruptly just over a month ago after about 2.5 months together. We had spent the entire day together two days before and he acted like everything was great. Up until the day he initiated the break up on the phone, he had nothing but compliments for me, how beautiful/great/smart/etc. I was, and had already introduced me to his entire family (mother, aunts/uncles, cousins, best friend and best friend's family), so you can imagine I was a little shocked. Actually, he used two extremely minor incidents to blame me for why he felt things were not going to work out between us and said he needed time to think. I told him to take all the time he needed and only heard back the following week when he sent me an e-mail telling me that we weren't compatible and should just be friends. Even though I replied that I agreed with him that we really weren't right for each other and that things wouldn't have worked out for us, I was still left wondering what *really* happened. I have not contacted him at all since I sent that e-mail. Well, a few days ago, I saw him on a boat party thrown by mutual friends with a girl (I don't know her) and it all made sense! It's especially ironic since he had told me a couple of months ago that he was too old for those types of parties and refused to go. I don't have proof that he was talking to/seeing her before he broke up with me, but I know that he wouldn't go to a social event where there will be people he knows with a girl he just met, since it took him a month before he felt comfortable enough for us to go out to social events together among mutual friends. BTW, two weeks before the phone call, he give me a silver bracelet and necklace. I thought about throwing them out, but then I thought, "what a waste". Basically, what I would like to do is mail them back to him with a letter telling him that I wasn't stupid and now I know the real reason he broke up with me. I also want to say that I'm glad that I know what kind of person he really is and that we're not together anymore, and, never forget, what goes around, comes around. I would end the letter off by (sarcastically) telling him he should offer the bracelet and necklace to the new girl, but to make sure to tell her he gave it to me first but that I didn't want it and returned it to him. I know some of you will say it's not worth it and he will only think that I'm not over him, but it gives me such a good laugh just picturing his reaction, especially since he was showing off to his friends the day he gave me the gift (he was so proud of himself). Once I send the letter, I will never contact him again and I'm pretty sure he'll be too much of a coward to reply, which is fine with me because I don't want anything more to do with him. So, what do you think? Should I do it?
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 You've mentioned what your letter will say. It seems to be simple enough. But the way you actually write it can make a difference. I've seen people compose the actual letter first, and then post it here, to receive feedback. However, you don't have to do that if you don't want to. It's a personal thing. First write that letter. That act in itself, will be a catharsis for you. After you write it, and re-read it a number of times, you might not want to send it after all. Usually it's a good idea to not post that letter, because once you've sent it, you can't un-send it. But if you feel that it really is going to give you personal satisfaction by letting him know that you knew...then do it. But just once, not more. There's always "something more" that we have to say to an ex. Don't fall into that trap.
Lyssa Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 TTSP is right! Write down what comes to mind first... and re-read it. You can say what you have said above but keep it simple. A letter can be simple and yet leave a huge impact on someone.
Diplok Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Don't contact him. What for? Even if he never tells you, he'll respect you more for having self-respect. If you send him a letter you'll just be stroking his ego.
krandall Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 exactly. I had a catharsis from writing my letter - and although I am glad I never sent it even though I got really close more than once. I posted it anonymously with some other writings- http://tohellandhopefullyback.blogspot.com Perhaps you can get some ideas from what I did.
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