RIDINGTHEBULLS1 Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 I can already see how men and women have 2 totally different opinions about this. My wife and the landlord just don't get along, and yes, he is not the nicest guy on heart. However, he has never insulted her or "crossed the line", otherwise, believe me, I would have stand up for her. I don't see why I should create an even bigger problem than we already have (and, after all, is this a real problem?). My wife and I are both in our 30s and should be able to handle these situations (both bw her and the landlord, and bw her and I) in a more mature way. Have you ever worked with somebody you don't really like? Does that mean that you, and everybody you know shouldn't talk to him/her. Come on!!! ISN'T slamming a door in her face insulting enough?Why are you so concerned with greeting your ahole of a landlord anyways? Worry about your wife first!
RIDINGTHEBULLS1 Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 After that man has done nasty things against your wife, saying "hello" to him was just brushing off what he did to her as NOTHING. Like you feel it is acceptable. Of course she's pissed. You are allowing people to walk all over her and even kiss the azzes of the people doing it! LOL!
RIDINGTHEBULLS1 Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 "Also, a couple of hours ago I saw my landlord in the parking lot. Thank God my wife wasn't there with me! He said "hi", I said "hi".....end of the story."You sound like such a pushover. Grow some balls before your wife divorces you. I have a feeling this isn't the first time something similiar to this has happened. WHY THE hell are you so worried about being polite to your landlord? He disrespected your wife more than once and being nice to him just makes him feel it is quite alright to keep his charade up. Seriously.
annabelle75 Posted September 1, 2007 Posted September 1, 2007 Sigh ............ it really frustrates me that society seems to think a man has to basically check his balls at the door and apologize to his wife whenever there is a disagreement and then we all wonder why so many marriages end with the man feeling like he had no control and his opinion did not matter. Its sad really. In this case, the W has taken a relatively minor disgareement (him saying "hi" to some one she doesn't get along with) and turned it into a major ordeal that is now doing a great deal of damage to their relationship. Its not OK. If this were a minor spat that they were having I would probably tell him to say he is sorry that she felt disrespected by his actions and promise to work on that in the future, but it has gone much farther than that now. Her actions have taken it to a level that shows a great lack of maturity and causes me to question whether the landlord was ever really that disrepctful to her. She seems a bit prone to overreacting. I honestly feel that if he goes groveling to her now it will just encourage her to behave like this anytime they have a disagreement. Emotionally manipulatiing and blackmailing your spouse is not how you resolve problems. She needs to snap out of it and realize that they are not going to alwasy agree and that's ok. Trying to bully him into admitting fault will do more long term damage than she could imagine.
Bobby NoBrains Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 I think that the post written by sothisislove above really sums up the situation. I've been in a situation like yours before and on those occasions where I reacted like what s/he said, things have been smoothed over, and those where I reacted like you have did not yield the best results. So what do you do now ? 1. Sit her down and talk to her. Explain that her silence has made you understand how strongly she feels about this. However, even though you still think she has over-reacted, you are willing to apologize for not understand her feelings about this. Also let her know that you will talk to the landlord about his behaviour, and if he is not willing to correct it, you will no longer treat him with respect or even cordiality. 2. Talk to the landlord, and tell her that you feel he hasn't been polite to your wife, and if it's not intended, you don't mind, but if it's intentional you are upset about it. That gives him an opening to apologize and ignore you for ever more. But it settles the issue once and for all as politely as possible. 3. Let us know how it went, I'd like to know just so I'd know what to do if I'm in a similar place again Just my two bits .. Bobby
Bobby NoBrains Posted September 4, 2007 Posted September 4, 2007 And, btw, my landlord doesn't like me either, but wth, he still has to repair the drains or the washer, it's a part of the contract usually, and it's actionable. True, he doesn't have to be civil to me, but even though it's not as much fun dealing with an irritated landlord, it's much easier than living with an unhappy partner ) Maybe she "wins" this time cause you're a softie, but as long as this is not a regular situation, go with the lady, mate, esp if she's a good cook Just my two bits .. Bobby
Author Mr M. Posted September 5, 2007 Author Posted September 5, 2007 It has almost been 2 weeks now and she is still very cold with me. We exchanged a few emails today (conversation one on one did not last too long) and she basically told me she needs more time and distance from me to sort things out.........WTF! I don't really know what the hell happened with the landlord, but I truly believe it was nothing too serious. As I said "slamming the door" was probably inappropriate......"closing the door" right before she arrived might better describe the situation. My wife is (and I still do believe that) a beautiful person....but she has a tendency to get upset to an extreme....especially with people! To the person who told me to "grow some balls" and confront the landlord I would like to say that should he mistreat my wife in front of me he wouldn't last long. I have plenty of hight, strength and mass to protect myself and my wife. However, I believe that even my landlord deserves a civil (a very appropriate term from the last reader) "hi".....just "hi", nothing more! I am getting sick and tired of this situation and am seriously thinking about marriage counseling. WTF......we have been together more than 9 years (living under the same roof for many years), never cheated on her (had my chances), and always treated her with the respect she deserves.....and that's what I get? Why in order to make everything better I should lie to her and to myself, apologizing for something I never did, and pretend I was wrong? Guys.....if you think that way it's time for you (not me) to grow a bigger set of BALLS! Looking forward to your comments and suggestions. "Be engaged in love, not in war"..........a rather crude translation of what they say were I was born.
Woggle Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Tell her to get over it already. This man is the one you have to call if your toilet is backed up and he also has the power to evict you and your wife so you need to be civil to him. Your wife should realize that but dealing with some women is like dealing with a 2 year old.
a4a Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 You do need to get into MC...... my bet is you won't like what you hear though and you won't agree with anything that is said there. Likely this was the last straw for your wife not something new that just popped up over the landlord. Got to wonder if one of your neighbors or a grocery store clerk flipped you off then if your wife greeted this person in a friendly manner - you would not be pissed off too? landlord - neighbor- or ice cream man - dry cleaner ...... just because it is the landlord this behavior is dismissed/ invalidated?
Bobby NoBrains Posted September 6, 2007 Posted September 6, 2007 Mr.M I feel that even though she may be overdoing this situation, you are not willing to understand that, irrespective of the reasons or the correctness of it all, this situation has affected her very strongly .. I agree with a4a that this is prolly coming on the heels of other stuff for her to react so strongly. It makes me think that what is possibly going through her mind is "If he's not able to trust what I say or what I feel about someone, and if he won't stand by me for something so small, how can I rely on him to stand by me when something big happens in my life ?". Unfortunately she doesn't realize (or believe at this time) that it's only because of the situation being so stupid that you are not taking a strong stand in her favor, and that if it was something serious you would be "busting your balls" to do damage to that guy. This prolly means she is resentful of your attitude in terms of not taking her seriously enough (that is sooo variable, don't even think you will ever get the hang of it), or that you don't respect her capacity to judge the situation (or even don't respect her as a person) if you can't believe that the situation warrants the kind of action and behaviour she has asked for from you. Basically she's trying to tell you that she feels that you don't care for her or understand her .. This, my friend, is rocky ground. I suggest some serious sucking up, or alternatively MC if this kind of situation is happening often enough. But I agree with a4a again, that you might not like to hear what the counselor may tell you, heh. There's deeper issues at work here, and you need to address *something* before the lid blows off the top of this pressure cooker. Once again, I suggest you keep your ego to the side, and get down to trying to look at the situation from her point of view, and in fact more than just this one occasion, like what's been going on since a while to make her feel this way so strongly ... Good luck at doing something before something *needs* to be done :/ Just my two bits .. Bobby
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