sweetbutcheeky Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 I got home from a date tonight and it got me thinking. I don't know if I am just feeling skittish because I am afraid to get hurt and am not ready. (but thought what the hell will meet him, which can't hurt) So I don't know if I trust my gut feeling right now so I ask you all for your opinion. Trying to figure out what is being just interested and what is too eager. (Interested and wants to find someone to have a relationship with vs making you the girlfriend on date one) On a first date what would make you feel like they are moving too fast too soon? I don't just mean physical, things they say, asking you out again, telling you when they will call next and so on. What do you think?
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 well what did he say that got you nervous? Well I asked for other's opinions first because when I go to type it, it doesn't make sense. I will give details in a little bit after I get a few responses to see if I am getting the feeling to run for no reason or not.
mental_traveller Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 In my experience, if someone is right for you then it's almost impossible to move "too fast" or "too soon". Those terms only apply when one person is not really that into the other, but there's still some possibility of a connection of sorts. If you meet someone right for you, then as long as you don't pick your nose or fart loudly in public, you will probably end up with them. Your faults become "cute" and your positives are heightened and exaggerated in their eyes. So my advice is not to worry about it. Trying too hard, being overeager etc - those are concerns for players and one-night stand artists, not sincere daters.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 Ok I guess it would just be easier to explain a little. After dating the guys that were jerks, that didn't call when they were going to be late, didn't call back, didn't want a second date, or relationship. I want to find someone who is interested, wants a relationship, calls when he was going to be late, a guy that follows through, wants to see you again and so on (some of those things it's too soon for). So why am I nervous? He was up front about what he wants, no games and wants to find someone else who wants a relationship. He called me to tell me he was going to be early (told me he was going to call if he was early or late). Payed for my drink and so on. Asked about my weekend when I would be free. We had a drink (ice tea) then walked down to the boardwalk at the beach (I live near the beach). Maybe I am naive and I was giving a sign by asking if he wanted to sit at the beach at night or something. I dunno. Anyway so ya he went in for the kiss which took me off guard and also grazed my breast with his hand. I haven't even figured out how I feel about him yet and he has put his arm over my shoulder, went in for a kiss and said he would call me tomorrow about a next date. And is kinda freaking me out and making me wanna run.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 Anyone? He has called me twice already and it's 12:30. (though I didn't pick up, cause I haven't found out from work yet about my schedule so I have no answers for him)
VIP Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Are you attracted to him at all? That should solve your dilemma, because as far as his behaviour, I don't think he did anything wrong. Also, I think it's not a good habit to not pick up the phone. You could just tell him, that you will call him back later.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 Are you attracted to him at all? That should solve your dilemma, because as far as his behaviour, I don't think he did anything wrong. Also, I think it's not a good habit to not pick up the phone. You could just tell him, that you will call him back later. Make that 3 calls, the last one I didn't get because I missed it. I left him a message. Corrected again, he called again as I was typing this. I picked up this time. He said he had a good time, asked how my morning was and how my headache is. He isn't the type that I am usually attracted to, but at the same time he is attractive. Since I have been feeling overwhelmed I haven't been able to figure out yet it I am attracted to him and like him. I know I like things about him. Does 4 calls since 10am sound a bit much? (from 10am -1pm)
Krytellan Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Does 4 calls since 10am sound a bit much? (from 10am -1pm) Based solely on what you have written, I would say he sounds more desparate than interested. I AM NOT the best judge of appropriate behavior, understood, but I have never gone for a kiss before the third date. Going in on the first date seems a little desperate, but maybe that's normal for most guys. The calling is a bit weird. He should have left a message the first time and not called again. Does he have any other people in his life or is he a lonely person? Lonely people are bad news.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 Based solely on what you have written, I would say he sounds more desparate than interested. I AM NOT the best judge of appropriate behavior, understood, but I have never gone for a kiss before the third date. Going in on the first date seems a little desperate, but maybe that's normal for most guys. The calling is a bit weird. He should have left a message the first time and not called again. Does he have any other people in his life or is he a lonely person? Lonely people are bad news. He left a message on the 3rd call, then called again when he got my message. At the end of the night he did want to do something else (this was at 10pm) and I just wanted to end it there so ended up making an excuse. Well I did have a bad headache, for a few days now but was tolerating it. But told him I was going to lay down, though I did. Two and a half hours was long enough for the first date since I wanted to take it slow. He has friends (guys) and a good job, so I don't think he is lonely. As I said I don't know if I felt it was a bit much because it's the opposite of that the jerks have done. Or since I feel skittish and can't trust my own judgments, not sure if I am over reacting. But then there can be extremes that aren't good on both sides.
Krytellan Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 As I said I don't know if I felt it was a bit much because it's the opposite of that the jerks have done. Or since I feel skittish and can't trust my own judgments, not sure if I am over reacting. But then there can be extremes that aren't good on both sides. This is very true. Sometimes, even when people do things we've always wanting people to do, it can seem a little creepy. I'm dating a girl who is great at giving me attention, something I've lacked for years. Then when I got it, it weirded me out a little at first. It's natural. Just don't rush to any conclusions yet.
Star Gazer Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 How did you meet this guy? Did you know each other fairly well before the first date? If not, I think his behavior is a little...suspect, and yes, sounds a little desperate. If you did know each other well before hand, then he might think your comfort level is right on par with his.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 This is very true. Sometimes, even when people do things we've always wanting people to do, it can seem a little creepy. I'm dating a girl who is great at giving me attention, something I've lacked for years. Then when I got it, it weirded me out a little at first. It's natural. Just don't rush to any conclusions yet. True that could be it. It's the attention you have been wanting but is a little overwhelming when you get more than expected after so long. How did you meet this guy? Did you know each other fairly well before the first date? If not, I think his behavior is a little...suspect, and yes, sounds a little desperate. If you did know each other well before hand, then he might think your comfort level is right on par with his. No I didn't really know him before. Talking once on the phone and a few emails but nothing more than the date yesterday.
Kamille Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 In my book, calling three times before noon the day after the date is too much and would prompt me to run the other way. Do you have an answering machine? Did he leave messages? I think it would bother me because when I'm dating someone that I'm not sure about and they show too much interest, I panick because I'm afraid that if I let it go for too long, I will really end up hurting them. Whether he's too eager or just really interested, it would make me feel like he is making himself be too vulnerable.
VIP Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 And what's wrong with being desperate? It's better he is too eager than not interested.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 In my book, calling three times before noon the day after the date is too much and would prompt me to run the other way. Do you have an answering machine? Did he leave messages? I think it would bother me because when I'm dating someone that I'm not sure about and they show too much interest, I panic because I'm afraid that if I let it go for too long, I will really end up hurting them. Whether he's too eager or just really interested, it would make me feel like he is making himself be too vulnerable. And I love the TO Beaches. Great hood! Thanks, I love it here! I just moved to the area around 3 months ago. Yes I do have call answer and he left a message but not until call 3. He left his number again and talked about making plans for the weekend. I feel exactly like you said, I was already feeling this way last night. Is a bit much when I haven't caught up to knowing how I feel about him (attracted like to get to know him more and so on). Though not sure how he can tell so soon. (that he wants a second date, cause he was talking about it before the date ended)
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 And what's wrong with being desperate? It's better he is too eager than not interested. Obviously it's nice to have someone interested, have to agree there. Can it be too much of a good thing thought? As I was just saying it's a lot when I haven't figured out if I am attracted or like him yet. And he is coming on so strong! I called him back cause I said I would once i knew better about my weekend plans. I would tell that he wanted to have all details set then on the phone. I could tell he didn't like as much that I said lets think about what we can do and talk about it. (is a long weekend so aren't limited). I could tell me wanted to make plans for the first chance there was when I got off work Saturday. Though one thing that was funny last night, we were sitting on a bench at the boardwalk at the beach. This is when he went in for the kiss. There was a family that walked by a mom, dad and a little girl around 7 who had a flash light. As they walked by the flashlight came in our direction! lol I said something like, someone has a light on us and the mother of the little girl was walking away I think heard me cause I heard her laugh.
VIP Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Can it be too much of a good thing thought? As I was just saying it's a lot when I haven't figured out if I am attracted or like him yet. And he is coming on so strong! You can always decide one way or another. At least you know that he is attracted to you.
Mahatma Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 From the information given, nothing really seems odd about any of it. However, if you are getting a strange feeling about someone or think they are strange... usually you are right.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 You can always decide one way or another. At least you know that he is attracted to you. Ya I know and knowing someone is attracted and likes you is always a good thing (no guessing) He just called again, missed it but not on purpose. Said he got the link for the idea of something to do I sent him, which is on Sunday. Then he going onto saying, ok maybe we can hang out Saturday night and do that Sunday ... Does wanting to see me 2 days in a row seem like a bit much. One in enough for me since I saw him yesterday. When we are dating a lot or a couple then I wouldn't think twice I guess.
VIP Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 If you think it's too much, tell him that you cannot see him on Sunday for example, may be some other day.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 If you think it's too much, tell him that you cannot see him on Sunday for example, may be some other day. Earlier we had talked about maybe Saturday. But said I would look online for anything going on in the area for the weekend. I found a live free outdoor concert going on in the area at one of the beaches on Sunday and emailed him the link. Anyway I told him I had meant going to the concert instead of Sat. What do you think? Was that too much and a little odd?
Krytellan Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 I will say that my desperate meter is starting to go off the chart. This guy is sounding even more not right as this persistence continues.
VIP Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 So you want to go on Sunday instead of Saturday. I didn't understand what is too much or odd about it.
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