Lucky555 Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 I have realized that i have been ending up with the wrong guys. I am a confident young woman with dreams and goals. I do see myself as being a provider for myself. I am pursuing my career and letting nothing get in the way of what i want to do. Now i know this is the first thing on my list but it is possible to have a relationship and pursue a career. So here is my thing i believe i am projecting an "i don't need you" vibe. I don't mean to, its just a mechanism of protecting myself i suppose or maybe its just my strong willed mind...like don't mess with me. I need to know how to be open instead of so shut off. How to do this i don't know. when guys get to know me its easier for them to understand me but for a first impression i would like it to go more smoothly. I am not mean or anything just too "i dont need you" lol any suggestions?
sweetbutcheeky Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 When your on a date do you let the guy pay? Do you let them come to you? (come pick you up, meet them there or pick him up?) Even though you can drive yourself, pay for yourself and so on. Maybe let them do those little things. Or maybe you do all that and it's just a feeling they are feeling from you. In that case maybe you have to be more aware of how your acting on a date and around guys in general. See if you notice any patterns or anything that your doing that stands out.
Yamaha Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Relax and have fun. People want to be around someone who is fun and outgoing so become that person and you can have a career and do some dating.
Author Lucky555 Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 On dates i usually pay my half and drive myself. I don't like guys knowing where i live if i am just getting to know them. I don't have guts with guys that i really like. Its like the guys i do date i feel like like i have the upper hand. The thing is i should show vulnerability but i don't. I think its mostly because i am not that interested in guys i date and i don't consider it a loss if i lose them. If i really do like a guy a lot i am finding it difficult to talk or come up with things to say but its like i go with safe guys...which end up being losers. Tonight for the first time i added a guy that i like to my friends list. I have known of him for four years. I lived in the same building as him three years ago..we did have some sort of attraction thing. I was so shy though and i still am. Hes incredible and i guess its infatuation. Another thing is if i see a lot of girls liking a guy i just back off. Ugh CHICKEN i am. Whats going to happen if i am just friends with the guy right..who knows i just have to take chances! So here i am afraid to add a guy to my friend list online because "rejection" even though he will add me i doubt if he will say anything. So i just need to learn to relax and not think too much. When i have observed myself around guys that i am not interested in i am myself because i dont care and then they end up liking me for the most part. With guys i like i think they are too good for me, i tense up, shut up, and i try to run from the situation. So i guess maybe i need to learn how to relax and be friends and be myself even if they don't like me...such a heartbreaking situation. So what do you all tell yourself when the person you desire is before you? here is an example. this guy is going to be a doctor, beautiful guy, great teeth (my own desire), caring, generous, religious, funny, smart, (hes the type of guy i would like to be with) I know of his traits by being an acquaintance mostly but constantly avoided him because i liked him. really immature at the time. Now its like i would like to get to know him better even if its as a friend in which case i added him to my online friends list still safer but easier to have causal conversation since i don't want a steady relationship. I prefer building friendships and going from there. I am going to have my masters in two years and then i hope to work and get my doctorate. i just went on a lot, just some back ground info on this so you all can see what i am like. If you have tips please share. What do you tell yourself when your actually talking to the person...how do you stay grounded?
sweetbutcheeky Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 On dates i usually pay my half and drive myself. I don't like guys knowing where i live if i am just getting to know them. I agree with you there, because you have to always be safe. For example I had a date tonight, he drove to meet me near where I live but I didn't tell him exactly where I live. He still came to me, but was safe about it. You could try letting the guy pay though, then if you like a few dates in to be fair offer to pay half. Maybe you said it yourself. Try and relax and act like you don't care what happens. You said you are relaxed when you don't like the guy or care what happens. It's only a guy and there will be others, so relax, be yourself and don't care what happens.
Yamaha Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 safe guys I love it. When the person has no ability to hurt you you can be yourself and they can get to know the real you but when they might be able to hurt you they don't get the chance to know you.
maynard Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 kind of an interesting problem and im glad you realized why you were turning some guys off i briefly dated a girl. she was great. fun, attractive, great sense of humor, but i bailed because i i didnt think there was a place for me in her life. there was a lack of worth i guess is was i was feeling i would guess that in conversation with guys you talk a lot about where you want to go and all the things you are doing to get there. tone that down a bit. guys (like me anyway) want to feel like they can help you do that. but if you are always talking about some future, you sacrifice the present....and that's where the guy is! you cant create a moment because you arent there. you are off somewhere else this persona is a false construct. you DO need someone. let go of the control of the little things and see where that goes thats my read anyways
Author Lucky555 Posted August 31, 2007 Author Posted August 31, 2007 thanks for the advise. See i am on a break from dating right now and this was part of the reason why. I just needed to step back and realize what it is i need to do in order to find a DECENT guy. Plus i have been thinking what kind of guy i would be interested in instead of just going out with random guys who i know i am not totally crazy about..which is why they are not considered loses. Funny thinking i know. When i talk to guys i don't make it about me i do make it about them. Its just they always want to know about me and what i am doing so i tell them. I don't scare them off usually they like me, its just TALKING TO THE GUYS I REALLY REALLY LIKE (i'm quiet as a mouse speechless) I think mainly its getting comfortable around a guy i am really interested in because i am so afraid to speak because i dont want to mess it up or sound like and idiot. lol so i took the first step yesterday and added a guy i really was interested in to my online page and i even complimented him. he wrote back "thank you" yeah not exactly what i was hoping for but i think he just got out of a relationship to. I said to him "thanks for the add, really wonderful music" Yeah not very "lovely" but it was a start in the RIGHT direction for once. At least i got the courage to see something i like and talk even if it was online. Thanks again everyone! i will try to be myself even if i am gaga over the guy.
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