wetegg Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Wow where to start? I guess I will explain my situation first. Me and my gf have been together for about 5 yrs now have a great 3 almost 4 yr old daughter (She also has a daughter from a previous relationship). This past year we both have started new jobs, mine requires some very early starts…like 2 or 3 am early. She works in the evening. So it works out well for or daughter so she will not be juggled from one sitter to the next. So the past few months or so our sex life really drizzled. We used to have the best sex, and then it was like somebody turned off the light switch. We used to have sex 3 or 4 times a week and then we went down to once a week or none. We talked some about it and she said it was because of her job and her doing online school at the same time. When we did have sex it was not like it used to be… it seemed to be a chore for her. I thought we may just be in a slump and really did not give it much thought as what she said was true. Then she goes and buys several new thongs and what not and I never got to see her in them. May sound weird but every other time she would buy new items like that she would model them for me and stuff. She has 2 drawers of lingerie so it was out of the norm that she never did. One month I checked out our cell phone bill online and noticed there was like over 1000 calls over 60 calls to the same number multiple times a day. She goes to work at 3pm and gets off at 11. The bulk of her calls were made from 1:30 to 2:30 and from 11:30 to 2:00 am. I asked her whose number that was called so many times and she said it was a girl at her work. I had my suspicion’s and started talking to one of my friends about the situation and he said he would see what he could find out. Well the next day he call’s then proceeds to tell me everything he found out. My friend works for a local delivery company and on his route he has a hospital in a different county. He see’s and starts talking to a old friend lady that he has known for a while and before he asks her anything about my gf she asks him and he knows who c wetegg is. He was going to ask her because she lives where my gf works. And if he knows a blond hair lady that has 2 kids and drives the same make/model car. So he is yeah I know who that it is, and asks her why and she tells him that she keeps calling her house talking to her son, who also works at the same place as my gf. His mom used the word stalker because she called so much. Always c wetegg on the caller ID. She then tells him that she has stopped by a couple of times to see him. And while he was at the hospital. Her son got in a motorcycle accident and was in the hospital for a little while. So I am completely shocked at this for one that he found all this out in 1 day and that my gf had been doing all this. So the next day I ask my gf about all this and she denies everything, so a few days go by I kind of let this hang low while I get some more info. Well come to find out from his mom she has stopped in a couple of times went to see him when he first got in his accident at a hospital pretty far away, and at the local hospital he was at, plus took one of her daughter to see him at his house to. Not sure which one though. I know when she went to see him at the local hospital because she left early for work one day and it caused a issue with our daughter. Sometimes I just barely get off work in time to meet her half way home to get her. On this day she left early did not call to tell me to meet her anywhere, causing me to drive all the way home then finding out they were gone and my daughter was at her grandmothers. So I confront her again about all this and she still denies it… So I tell her I know he is in the hospital and where so the next day before you go to work we are going to go talk to him. I think she thought I was bluffing. So the next day comes I rush home from work go jump in the shower asking her if someone is going to watch out daughter tell her to hurry and finish getting ready. So then the truth finally comes out. She admits about stopping in at his house confirming that she lied about whose phone number it was, seeing him the hospital. She admits everything except the part where she was supposed to take one of her daughters to his house. She says the reason she lied was because I would get mad. She denies having sex with him, and he does as well according to his mom. I felt victorious finding the truth but then extremely hurt that she lied to my face for almost a week straight. So a month or so goes by and now a few text messages show up at really odd times 1 to 2 in the morning when before she did not send any text messages. My suspicions grow deeper. And I grow a little crazier and confused. She keeps saying that they are her friends and why can’t she have any? I say tell them to call the house and at a decent hour. Our relationship at this point is very stressful. Her jobs sometimes have them work double shifts. So some nights she will call saying she is working a double and will not be home tonight. Needless to say how do I know this is true? To this day I have not seen 1 paycheck stub. So last Friday she calls me at work telling me that her and a girlfriend from work is going out to eat or maybe dancing. I eventually end up calling her back telling her pack her clothes and leave the key. She stayed at her moms Friday night. On Saturday she comes over starts packing her things and proceeds to leave. Of course we had words during the process we both cried a little more her than me though as I have had enough. And her wanting to go out was it. Every since my daughter has been born I have tried to make the right/safe decisions in life to better her life. Maybe I have become a boring person to her but I just want the best for my daughter and don’t want to take chances in life like we used to. Anyway fast forward to Saturday night. She calls tells me where they are thinking about going and tells me it’s up to me if we want it to work and stuff. So later that night I get my little girl in bed, and then call one of my friends to come over and stay with her. I then go the dance club where I think she is and yup there’s her car all nice and clean but still with her stuff in it. I go in head straight to the bar and then wait about 2 songs worth before I see going up to the dance floor. She goes up with another girl and guy. They all proceed to dry hump. I maybe old school but I do not like seeing my girlfriend dancing with another man. After the song is over I proceed over to the table slamming my rum and coke down breaking the glass calling her many names, then I left. They all were surprised to say the least. She calls me on the way home telling me that guy is from work and did not know he was going to be there. After all this I am losing it, I want her back so bad but I can’t trust her anymore. When I was working Tuesday morning I heard the song they was dancing too and I started crying…I wanted this to work so bad for our little girl. She has not stayed with us since Friday and I don’t think I will let her again. She told me she is taking a position at her work where she will be gone for a week next month then 1 week every 3 or 4 months. She told she is tired of people telling her what to do, and she going to do what she wants to. Not sure what she meant by that because she has always done what she wants. Well that’s pretty much it I would love and need some comments on this. I’m I too controlling should I loosen up about her going out dancing and all the phone calls. I also feel there is more I have not found out but she denies anything else nor do I think she would tell me. Thanks Sorry for such a long and rumpled post.
Mr. Lucky Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Why do you need us, strangers, to confirm what you, the husband, already know? Your wife is having an affair. Sorry, but that's the truth. Time to start making plans accordingly... Mr. Lucky
Cobra_X30 Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Well, You have my deepest sympathies. Focus on your daughter... Get custody if you can... you dont know what kind of wierdos your GF is going to subject her to! Take care of yourself first... cause most girls would chew off a leg to get a guy like you! Your GF is a total moron! I dont see anything happy about her future.
Author wetegg Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 Not sure why I posted...maybe I was wanted to somebody to say it's possible they are just friends, or she is not cheating. She still denies doing anything, I'm not going to lie I want her back badly and keep thinking to myself what if nothing happened? When I went to meet her to get my daughter today she was like "you look good today", and was wanting a hug or kiss. I did neither. I still have many scenarios running thru my head...if she did cheat why still lie about it? IF they guy was a friend why lie when I first asked the questions? And to be honest I am still up in the air about he whole thing. I know it will be hard having to see her everyday...then thinking about what she maybe doing.
Ladyjane14 Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 IF they guy was a friend why lie when I first asked the questions? Because she KNOWS the relationship is inappropriate regardless of whether they've had sex or not. Bottom line... she's not behaving responsibly within the confines of the marital relationship and you can't take her back, even though you want to, until she's willing to do so. It does you little good to roll yourself out as a doormat. She either knows what 'being your wife' entails now and in the future, or she doesn't. And if she doesn't, she's bound to repeat offend. Try reading through a copy of Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. I think that'll help you understand why these hidden "friendships" are so damaging to the marital relationship, and perhaps make it easier to convey the message to your wayward wife. Meanwhile, check out some thread in the Separation/Divorce forum. There are, unfortunately, quite a few guys dealing with just the same sort of situation that you are in. It might help you to feel a bit less isolated with your problems when you realize that there are others who are also going through it and making progress in healing.
lostboy60645 Posted September 2, 2007 Posted September 2, 2007 Sorry about your painful situation Wet. I'm a serial cheater whose wife is in the midst of finalizing a divorce, but be that as it may, I'd like to offer some empathy and insight. There's no question in my mind that my SBEW is making the right decision by terminating our relationship, save for the custodial decisions regarding our children. It's impossible to have trust of a person who has wronged you so deeply as I did my wife. It's improbable, but still possible as many here will tell you, that a cheating spouse can earn one's trust and respect back. It just sounds very rare, and it's clearly a long, drawn out, painful and expensive (therapy for all involved) process. Do what's best immediately for your kids. And if you haven't done so, get yourself tested for HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, and for STD's, including the hepatitis viruses. Make sure you get RE-checked for those at least 6 months after your last unprotected exposure to your daughter's mother. It may not feel good, but I, as a cheater, feel for you. I'm in recovery from my madness and I feel deeply sorry for what I did to my family. By the same token, I find it therapeutic to come here to offer any support I can, perhaps to pay back into the system so to speak, and of course more importantly to me, to help myself continue to heal and learn. Best to you and your family.
Author wetegg Posted September 9, 2007 Author Posted September 9, 2007 Update:Wow alot has happened since I last posted. One day she would be nice and flirt with me then another she would be cold as ice. We did end up having sex a couple of times. I did ask her repeatedly to comeback and she declined every time. My buddies were worried about me so they take me out to a club and I end up having a one night stand.I really did not want sex as much as I wanted to lay there holding someone. I end up telling my ex about what happened and her reaction is nothing...she did absolutely nothing. So that there pretty much told me either 1). she is seeing someone else or 2). she has no feelings for me what so ever. Up until that point she still denied cheating on me. Then yesterday I find her semi hidden myspace. On her interests she writes "hoping to have the perfect relationship when he is over her". My heart sank. After seeing this I was determined to get into her myspace account to see what messages see had sent. Well I'm not going to say how but I end up getting into her account relatively easy. And then there it is. I got so sick to my stomach while reading them. We had plans for her to come over last night after she got off work, and she had no idea what info I had. Around midnight she calls saying she is on her way and I can already tell she is giving me the cold shoulder.When she gets here things are tense not really talking alot I can tell she does not want to be here. But I had a plan to initiated sex wither her and then right after show her the messages I found. Well I did and to say the least she was completely shocked. I guess this why my way of getting back at her. She still denied having sex with him for a little while them finally came clean. She was stringing me along keeping me at arms length just in case her new boyfriend did not work out. I am so relieved to know that I am not crazy and my feelings were right, but I also feel so devastated at the same time.That's about it I guess below are the actual messages she sent to her boyfriend I did change the names even though I think they don't deserve that much. To: mystery man myspace.com/mysterymanmyspace Date: Sep 4, 2007 1:13 AM Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ] Subject: read this Body: Hey, I just want to talk to you, I think that we need to discuss a few things, that you mentioned to me the last time that I seen you. I want to clarify some of that conversation and make sure that you understand what I think about our friendship. I know how you feel about her, but I really don't think that you understand what I think about you and what you think about me. I really want to explain myself. Your friend ms jane doe , love ya. To: mystery man myspace.com/mysterymanmyspace Date: Sep 4, 2007 9:02 AM Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ] Subject: friends Body: Hey, I just want to let you know that as of today I'm going to leave you alone and let you do what you need to with your life. I feel as if you really want me to and I don't want to make things difficult for you. I also think that staying where you are in life is a mistake, but that is not my decision. I feel like you need something else, and you know who that is. I do care for you but I can't stand by and watch you make the same mistake with her, if she loves you than why does she hurt you like she does? I really don't get it and I guess I never will. There is someone that could love you so much more and you just let it go, why is that, why can't you see that she loves you more than anything and is willing to lose it all for you. With love. To: mystery man myspace.com/mysterymanmyspace Date: Sep 5, 2007 7:52 AM Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ] Subject: hey Body: hey, I really don't know what happened to you last night, considering you said you would be back in 30 minutes, and then you disappeared. Everyone there told me you went to see sesco, which really makes me disturbed, I really don't understand what is going on with us. But I really need to talk to you and figure out what the hell is going on. You know what I think about you, and because of this is you were with her, that makes me sick and i really don't want to believe it. But to say the least I still need to talk to you, because if not something really bad is going to occur because of my feelings for you and I can't take it anymore. The love I have for you is rediculous and I can't keep going on like I don't belong with you when I know in my heart I do. I don't what you and her are doing and i really don't care anymore, I just really need to see you and talk to you. With love ms jane doe To: mystery man myspace.com/mysterymanmyspace Date: Sep 6, 2007 8:39 AM Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ] Subject: Sorry Body: Hey, I just wanted to say that I am sorry if I have hurt you or your relationship in any way. I was really caught up in you and I apologize for that. I can't deny that I do love you and I don't want you to hurt any more, you have been through enough pain. If you and her don't work out, you know where I will be and how to get ahold of me, but until then I wish you the best. Hopefully, things will start going better for you and I both, but again I apologize and if you need me you know where I am. Love always, ms jane doe . To: mystery man myspace.com/mysterymanmyspace Date: Sep 8, 2007 9:13 AM Flag as Spam or Report Abuse [ ? ] Subject: we need to talk Body: Johnson, I need to get up with you on some issues that we need to talk about. It was tense last night when I spoke with you and that was unusual for us. I don't know what is going on with us but I really need to get some things said so that I at least feel better about us. I'm alittle confused about what we are trying to accomplish with our friendship, and I think that it needs adjusted. Anyways get up with me after work if you are around. With love, ms jane doe . oh yeah I also sent a message to her mystery man letting him know that we have been having sex and I sent a copy of the myspace messages to everyone in her and my family explaining what has happened.
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