chocolate_boy Posted August 29, 2007 Posted August 29, 2007 My girlfriend and I have been together almost a year (this weekend), and live together. Things took a bit of a turn for the worse in feb when she had an msn conversation which she left open on our PC talking to her ex, inviting him around for sex when I was at work. We had a huge argument about this, and she said she was imagining she was talking to me as I was neglecting her she felt. I forgave her but since then she has cheated on me a further 3 times (pretty much every couple of months), only once phyiscally, she kissed a guy she works with. The other times it has been emotional, flirting with men and becoming too close for comfort, she's had several of the guys girlfriend's get pissed off and tell her to leave their man alone. She admitted she does get lots of short term infatuations with other guys and she cant help it, I said she cannot love me, but she swears she does. She is now wanting to move out and get a shared house with strangers to experience it, this has upset me cos now I have to find somewhere new to live and don't know anyone in this city (we moved here together, she gave up her old job to move 1,000 miles across country with me). Yesterday she met a guy on msn (who will be starting at the same college as her in october), she went to meet him for drinks last night and stayed out til 1am, then this afternoon she woke up at 2pm, was on msn talking to him all afternoon laughing out loud at everything he said, then told me she was going round to his house, its now midnight here and she's still not back. I feel this guy is prob her latest infatuation, but the last one was only two weeks ago, and she cried and begged for another chance swearing it wouldnt happen again and she'd get councelling etc. Now she's throwing it all back on me saying the only reason she cheats is cos i'm so paranoid of it and controlling/jealous now, but surely if she has cheated on me 4 times in the last 6 months this is expected? She gets angry saying i'll bring it up forever and its my fault she does it. I am sad but i think moving out is a good thing really, i will have to live on my own which will be lonely but I suppose it will be a good reason for us to split up, as I dont think she'll change will she? I just don';t know why she does it? I look after her, pay for everything, love her. We also haven;t had sex since May, she says she "feels dirty and too guilty" cos of all her cheating. She has Borderline Personality Disorder, and refuses to seek treatment, and often denies she has it, despite being a text book example, and admitting it to me several times when she is down (she was the one who first told me about it). Sorry for the bad spelling, my keyboard is awful!
Cobra_X30 Posted August 29, 2007 Posted August 29, 2007 My girlfriend and I have been together almost a year (this weekend), and live together. Things took a bit of a turn for the worse in feb when she had an msn conversation which she left open on our PC talking to her ex, inviting him around for sex when I was at work. We had a huge argument about this, and she said she was imagining she was talking to me as I was neglecting her she felt. I forgave her but since then she has cheated on me a further 3 times (pretty much every couple of months), only once phyiscally, she kissed a guy she works with. The other times it has been emotional, flirting with men and becoming too close for comfort, she's had several of the guys girlfriend's get pissed off and tell her to leave their man alone. She admitted she does get lots of short term infatuations with other guys and she cant help it, I said she cannot love me, but she swears she does. She is now wanting to move out and get a shared house with strangers to experience it, this has upset me cos now I have to find somewhere new to live and don't know anyone in this city (we moved here together, she gave up her old job to move 1,000 miles across country with me). Yesterday she met a guy on msn (who will be starting at the same college as her in october), she went to meet him for drinks last night and stayed out til 1am, then this afternoon she woke up at 2pm, was on msn talking to him all afternoon laughing out loud at everything he said, then told me she was going round to his house, its now midnight here and she's still not back. I feel this guy is prob her latest infatuation, but the last one was only two weeks ago, and she cried and begged for another chance swearing it wouldnt happen again and she'd get councelling etc. Now she's throwing it all back on me saying the only reason she cheats is cos i'm so paranoid of it and controlling/jealous now, but surely if she has cheated on me 4 times in the last 6 months this is expected? She gets angry saying i'll bring it up forever and its my fault she does it. I am sad but i think moving out is a good thing really, i will have to live on my own which will be lonely but I suppose it will be a good reason for us to split up, as I dont think she'll change will she? I just don';t know why she does it? I look after her, pay for everything, love her. We also haven;t had sex since May, she says she "feels dirty and too guilty" cos of all her cheating. She has Borderline Personality Disorder, and refuses to seek treatment, and often denies she has it, despite being a text book example, and admitting it to me several times when she is down (she was the one who first told me about it). Sorry for the bad spelling, my keyboard is awful! Hey, hang in there buddy. Go ahead and move out... but this girl is kinda crazy so just make sure you do it all of a sudden! She's probably been cheating on you longer than you think too! And its not your fault in any way! She has a hole in her soul... and you can't fix it... only she can. So, If you need help moving out, I've got some great websites that can get you started!
Curious139 Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 She certainly appears to have problems but they have become your problems too. I can't help feeling you have lost your self respect in trying to love her and care for her. You do not deserve to be treated the way you have. Take a deep breath and move out.
Author chocolate_boy Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 Yeah I know I need too, for some reason now I just feel so empty hearted, like I cannot try anymore, and actually I've only seen her about 2 hours all week, she's always been at this new guy she's hanging around with house on an evening, and i've been in the flat on my own. This morning she's asking me for cuddles etc. and i just said i was in a rush to go out. I do feel i've lost a lot of my confidence now, I used to be such an outgoing independant guy, now I just feel unmotivated and depressed most of the time, I'm looking for a 1 bed apartment on my own, but just vision myself sitting in all the time and going to work for the rest of the night, hardly a rock n roll life. I have lived in this city for 5 months now but still don't really know anyone, I do work but I do nightshift 10pm-6am and I only work with one other guy and he's like 30 years older than me, do we don't have much in common. I am worried about being lonely, but suppose it's inevitable. The money on my job is good, but I am now really missing my home with all my buddies and family, I might look for a job back home early next year, feels a bit of a defeat I suppose.
Curious139 Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Certainly you need to be with other people but there must be some daytime activities you could find. Living by yourself might not be the best choice either - you should have company.
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