I love my husband, but I think I need to try a trial separation

[jesusfish2003]

Like the title says, I love my husband. With all of my heart, but he's been hurting me so bad these past few months I'm just getting sick of everything. We've only been married about 8 months, but about 1.5 months ago I found out that he cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend (who drove 8 hours to come see him, and he lied to my face about the whole thing til she came clean to me). And also that they had been talking/having an emotional affair for about 3 months and they'd even met up once... I almost left then but him and his family talked me into giving him another chance (he has cut all ties with her from what i can tell and hasn't talked to her since... which is always good). But after that he started looking at porn again, and now he looks at it about everyday though he knows that it makes me feel very insecure about me and my body. I've been told my him and others that I do have a nice body and have nothing to be insecure about except for being to thin, but I can't help it. I can't help but think about what they have that he likes and watches that I don't have? Like bigger breasts, etc. And it makes me sick thinking of what exactly he's thinking during the whole thing... and what if when we're together he's picturing them? Knowing he does what he does while watching the other women just makes me feel hurt and like he's cheating on me that way... do yall get the same feelings? It doesn't help when he tries to hide it and lie to me about that too. He tells me that he doesn't know why he does it, and I'm the most beautiful woman he could ever imagine being with... but then he still does it.

 

Well, he's in the military so i don't really get to see him very much and while he's been in he still likes to smoke his weed and stuff a few times a month which I hate!! He did it much more before we met, and while we dated he stopped altogether for me and promised me and my family that he'd stop it totally. Well, right after the wedding it began again. This past weekend he did it on Friday and promised he wouldn't do it again for a long time.... well Saturday night comes and he sneaks off to the bathroom for a while. I questioned him but no response til I went and found the pipe and smelled, so he finally came out and told me that he hadn't finished everything from Friday night but now it is. Sunday morning he got a call from the sergant saying they have a mandatory drug test, so we'll find out if all of his water worked on Friday probably *crosses fingers*. It's so stupid to do that in the military!! It's not only his life he's ruining, but mine too! And we haven't even been married that long and we had to move a few states away from home for his military career! I just finally started nursing school clinicals (b/c i had to transfer for him) full-time so me really working is almost out of the question! I thought that maybe that scared him so he'd stop for him or me for a while... but this morning I found out that he hadn't finished everything he had before and he smoked last night while I was working (i have a small part time job). I'm getting so sick of his lies and everything.... and I'm thinking about a trial separation. Does it count if I stay in the other bedroom and stuff like that? We don't have enough money for me to leave our apt. b/c he's horrible with money and he spent almost everything of his so we had to use my small amount for our bills and now I have school up here. I feel stuck. He tells me that he loves me very much and wants me to be happy... but then his actions don't show it at all. Oh yeah, he was diagnosed bipolar, and started his meds in March (which is the main reason I've been so forgiving)... but I just don't know how much more I can take. Do yall think separating would help at all? Or am I just destined to either divorce or having to watch my husbands back and worry and be hurt for the rest of my life?