Author redfathom Posted September 5, 2007 Author Posted September 5, 2007 Good point about the quality vs. quantity. I will keep that in mind!!! You have great advice, so thanks!
Author redfathom Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 Hi, I wanted to post more to vent, so on Tuesday my H and I will be together 10 years (married for 7) and I casually mentioned it to him at dinner tonight and he had nothing to say about it and his expression was not much better. So I mentioned it to him later and he said he was "out of it" and I said I was not expecting us to do anything or celebrate it but a little enthusiasm would have been nice. Geeeshh, am I asking to much!!! He was the one who decided we would only celebrate our wedding date, but 10 years is a big deal, enough to at least get excited about it. Especially since early this year it did not seem like we were going to stay together and seperated for a little while. Then at dinner, I thought we would have a salad with our steak but not knowing what everyone wanted I put lettace in a bowl and told everyone they could help themselves to adding what they wanted, apples, cheese, lunch meat, what ever. When my BIL asked if my H was having a salad he said, "Oh you mean lettace, no I am good." GRRRR!!!! I just made a good dinner so why does he have to start in with the sarcasm. I am so sad...why does he have to hurt my feelings, I am assuming it is not intentional but why can't he just get excited or act appreciative. What I am going to say now is bad: I have met these two guys that seem to like me, well I know one does and the other I just met a few weeks ago and because of things at home I get very excited when I know I am going to see them. They make me feel good about myself but I am afraid it is starting to confuse me. I mean I start to feel giddy even but I know that can sabatoge my relationship with my H, but I am 25 and I deserve to feel attractive and liked and they are interested in me and they are both very nice and very handsome. I am not sure what to do.
Author redfathom Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 I once knew a girl In the years of my youth With eyes like the summer All beauty and truth In the morning I fled Left a note and it read Someday you will be loved. I cannot pretend that I felt any regret Cause each broken heart will eventually mend As the blood runs red down the needle and thread Someday you will be loved You'll be loved you'll be loved Like you never have known The memories of me Will seem more like bad dreams Just a series of blurs Like I never occurred Someday you will be loved You may feel alone when you're falling asleep And everytime tears roll down your cheeks But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet Someday you will be loved You'll be loved you'll be loved Like you never have known The memories of me Will seem more like bad dreams Just a series of blurs Like I never occurred Someday you will be loved You'll be loved you'll be loved Like you never have known The memories of me Will seem more like bad dreams Just a series of blurs Like I never occurred Someday you will be loved Someday you will be loved
tommyr Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 Someday you will be loved Damn I love that song! Had to listen to the whole CD several times (it is kindof different and funky) before I really started to like it. Your H sounds like a typical young guy who has no idea what it takes to keep an intimate relationship going. I am reading a book Light Her Fire which would probably help him ALOT.. like how to greet your SO when called at work thing (which actually is mentioned in the book). What if you get a copy of Light His Fire and Light Her Fire then tell him "Hey we got married young and probably there is alot we don't know about sustaining a relationship so I got us each a book, would you please read yours and I read mine?"
Author redfathom Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 Hey tommyr, I will check it out, it is so true. We did not know much about being married and now we are so comfortable we put less effort into figuring it out. It's always good to have a guide like the books you mentioned to show us the way and to motivate us. Thanks for the info, I will look into it. Yeah, they are a great band!!
Cobra_X30 Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 I am so sad...why does he have to hurt my feelings, I am assuming it is not intentional but why can't he just get excited or act appreciative. I mean I start to feel giddy even but I know that can sabatoge my relationship with my H, but I am 25 and I deserve to feel attractive and liked and they are interested in me and they are both very nice and very handsome. I am not sure what to do. Jeeze, somebody needs to slap your Husband! He thinks if you start to feel good about yourself you are going to realize your better than him and leave! He fails to see that the opposite is true. Don't latch on to these other guys. They will become a dangerous emotional crutch and it will cause you more pain than good. The worst part is that I'm not sure your in a place emotionally to control your feelings. Welcome to the Catch 22 of bieng female... LOL . Any chance you could have a chat with your Husband about his behavior? Might be good to let him know that your getting dangerously low. You realize that the longer he continues this, its going to make it so that any attention and good things he does for you will literally mean less than a stranger. Focus positive! Keep your head up!
Author redfathom Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 I did mention his reaction to our anniversary and he seems to feel a little bad about it, he was tyring to be affectionate. I of couse was not intersted. In the past and sometimes still now I get more clingy when he is rude to me or harsh about something, it's like I am a puppy dog and my owner is mad at me so I lay next to them and give them my sad little puppy dog eyes. But what I realize now is that I am reinforcing something negative with my being affectionate. Like you said, he trys to make me feel bad about myself so I will stay with him and I fall into what he is doing and become more affectionate with him. I have such a hard time wanting to discuss these things with him because I do not want to make him feel bad because then I feel guilty. I know I need to avoid any emotional attachment to the other guys or anyone who shows interest. I am usually pretty good about it, I rarley flirt, most guys make me uncomfortable. It's just my personallity to get along with people, I do not have any guy freinds, unless they are gay and that is very intentional. I do not want complications. My H does not care if I have guy friends he never get jelous, anymore.
Cobra_X30 Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 I know I need to avoid any emotional attachment to the other guys or anyone who shows interest. I am usually pretty good about it, I rarley flirt, most guys make me uncomfortable. It's just my personallity to get along with people, I do not have any guy freinds, unless they are gay and that is very intentional. I do not want complications. My H does not care if I have guy friends he never get jelous, anymore. Guys work mostly off of positive reinforcement. If you provide positive reinforcement for a bad behavior once... its going to take 3 or more negative reactions to even begin changing that habit. Conversely if you provide a positive reaction to an action that you like... it wont take long until he is doing that fairly consistently! I'm straight draconian about how I interact with other women while I am in a relationship. I'm super outgoing and get lots of female attention anyway, so Its kind of hard at times... but I know what happens when I fail... Basically your H is a super lucky guy! He's so wrapped up in his own issues he cant see that right now. Try to guide him out of the fog... and if that fails kick him in the rear!
Author redfathom Posted September 11, 2007 Author Posted September 11, 2007 Hey Cobra, You give great advice, if you have time, would you read my post under Family, "Brother in Law living with us 6yrs, time for him to move out!!" I would appreciate your input. Thanks.
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