fever to tell Posted August 29, 2007 Posted August 29, 2007 Today is my second day of college at a very good school, and I should be excited to meet new people, but I only feel exhausted and lonely. I had a really closely knit group of freinds at home, and all of them are in the grade below me or not in school so I left all of them behind. Although we had our rough patches and share of drama, I feel like they are a really unique group of people and no one I will meet here can compare. One person in particular stands out... my good friend, R. I became a part of the group because R and I hooked up, but around May this stopped. His close friend kept telling me that R had feelings for me, but because R has 'bad boy' tendencies I was skeptical and after some time of allowing his friend to persuade me he cared, R suddenly announced that he didn't have feelings for me at all. At that point, I HAD developed feelings for him. He said some hurtful things, such as he regreted hooking up with me because he knew I liked him and he only liked me physically. However, throughout this his actions didn't quite match his words... we did not hook up again, but he remained really flirtatious calling me everyday, spending time with me everyday, calling me pet names, kissing me on the cheek, etc. In the past week he was acting particulary flirtaious. I hadn't seen him in a while and he kept telling me that I had been 'missing from his life.' One night we were chilling alone and all of a sudden he started coming on to me really stronly. We ended up hooking up again, but I stopped it. He asked why and I said that among other reasons, I care about him and he has hurt me a lot in the past. Then, I was spending time with him my last night. I dropped him off at home, and he said bye! and left without kissing me on the cheek or hugging me, which he usually does. I said, 'no hug?' and he was like alright get out of the car. So I did. Then he left and I thought about how I would miss him and decided, its now or never, so I went and knocked on his door (totally sketched out his mom, btw) and said, "I don't want to go home.' he said, 'Well what do you want to do?' and I said I don't know. After about ten minutes he said, well, I'm really tired so I'm gonna go. and I said alright and he left and then I was like WAIT I have a question, and I asked him if he regretted what had happened a few nights before because in the past he had always said he regretted it. He said no, he didn't regret it, why? Did I want to do it again? and I said well, no. and he said good. and laughed, and then I drove away. Then, as I drove away, he called me and said, 'are you sure?' I said, 'no, i'm not sure... should i come back?' him, ' i guess...' so I went back and picked him up. And he stared at me and finally said well if you want it come take it... so I did. And then we started hooking up but this time he suddenly stopped it, and looked at me for a long time. And I said what? and he said I'm thinking... I asked about what? and he said that the fact that I had my period, while it hadn't grossed him out before because he was kind of drunk, was grossing him out then. But he might change his mind... in the mean time we could go chill outside. I was really confused about this. Was that an excuse? Was something else bothering him? He suddenly wasnt attracted to me? But what could I do. So I was like alright and we went outside and I started saying how it was weird that I was leaving and he told me he wasn't discussing it with me. Then all of a sudden he got up and started walking away and said he was leaving because he was exhausted. Once again I said wait, do I get a hug? and he said, 'damn girl, youre needy!' so I was like FINE no hug then hmph needy?! and he was like no no and gave me a big hug. And that was it. I do care about him and I miss him a lot. He used to tell me before that I was missing from his life, he used to ask me questions making sure I was coming back to visit when I left for college, and the first time we hooked up he said he wanted a little piece of me before I left and I said well I'm coming back in October, and he said so lets have some now and some then too. Then that night he was acting totally weird... I guess it shouldn't matter because I'm at school now but I can't stop thinking about him and I can't shake the feeling that I'll never find anyone like him. He has his flaws and can sometimes be a very cold person, but his charm and disregard of conventions make him irrestistable to me even though logically I know he is no good. I just wish I could understand him, and I wonder if he misses me like I miss him.
sb129 Posted August 29, 2007 Posted August 29, 2007 Sweetie, most people feel the same as you are feeling when they first start college. I was where you are 12 years ago- and guess what? I have been through several relationships, but I am still great mates with a group of girlfriends who I met in my halls of residence in my first year of university... Give it time. Its a wonderful time of your life- Enjoy it!
Author fever to tell Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 Thanks, I'm feeling a little bit better by now. Any thoughts on R's weird behavior?
Author fever to tell Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 ANYone? I went out last night but it wasn't as much fun as going out with my friends... Does anyone have some sort of explanation for his behavior?
sb129 Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 ANYone? I went out last night but it wasn't as much fun as going out with my friends... Does anyone have some sort of explanation for his behavior? If you keep up the attitude that going out with your new friends will never be as fun as going out with your old ones then you will never open yourself up to the possibility that you could actually have fun where you are now. Stop comparing them. There is room in your life for all your friends. As for R.... he sounds like a dickhead, and an immature, sex obsessed one at that. Forget about him.
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