nottoobright Posted August 29, 2007 Posted August 29, 2007 So here it is, the middle of the night again and as usual I can't sleep. I guess I'm trying to figure out where I go from here. I'm feeling pretty much like a failure, not good enough for this man, not good enough for him to love, not even good enough for him to even just say something nice about me. Yet, he treated his old wh*re like a queen. I've failed my marraige and I've failed my sons, neither one of them want to be here because they are so tired of the drama and I guess seeing me miserable was making them crazy. I've failed his kids because no matter what, they are still children and even when they are a pain in the @ss all they have done is what they`see him do. When I walk away from him I'll have to walk away from the kids too. Their mother did this to them and now I'm going to. There is no way I'll be able to see them again, it will hurt too much. I have to leave him, I have no choice. I know he doesn't love me, I've known all along, just didn't want to admit it. When my first husband left and I found out it was for a man I guess I found the man who was least like him and "attatched" myself to him. I just didn't realize that it wasn't a good thing, until now. I don't know what my husband will do. I stopped giving him any money a few weeks ago. I got tired of forking money over to pay bills only to hear him say he pays the bulk of the bills. I live in a house that doesn't even feel like my home. He is drowning in debt now, his mortgage is late, the phone bill and electricity are late, he owes more to his lawyer than he makes in 4 months. How do I walk away knowing he'll have no phone or lights? I'm not even sure where I'll go. If I stay here I'll end up going back to him, not because he wants me but because he needs my income. I guess in a way I'm addicted to him and I know it. I'll have another failed marraige and everyone back home will tell me, I told you so and I really don't want any "I told you so's." So now that I realize what I have to do I just have to figure out how to do it.
Italiana Posted August 29, 2007 Posted August 29, 2007 I feel for you. i was once at this point with an old boyfriend. i kept giving and giving and giving and got nothing in return but blatent disrespect and low self-esteem. Nothing changed until i got out and no longer had contact with him and started improving myself.... without anyone YOU DO DESERVE TO BE LOVED! YOU DO DESERVE TO BE TOUCHED! AND YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH AND BETTER!!! LOOK AT WHAT YOU ARE PUTTING UP WITH!! you must be an amazing woman... just dont you dare waste any more energy on this LOSER!!! take all of your goodness and spread it to your children. it is possible to get yourself out of this negative mindset... YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE... and once you do you will look back and realize how much you have grown and how much you have learned. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don;t think he is the only one for you. it does not matter how old you are... an amazing person will come into your life if you start improving yourself and maintain a good healthy energy....God will send an angel your way if you are receptive to it and truly believe in your heart that you deserve better than this and will get better than this.... your current husband will literally SUCK YOU DRY..... PLEASE DONT LET HIM... FOR YOUR SAKE AND YOUR CHILDREN. STOP SUPPORTING HIM!! Not to sound old fashoned but he's SUPPOSEDLY the MAN, shouldn't he be supporting YOU?? who cares if he has no power... maybe he'll shape up and pay.... the only reason he is not is because you keep doing it for him... And he treats that hooker ex of his like a queen because she probably thinks of herself in that way. And you like s*it because you are feeling so badly about yourself.... However you feel truly does come back to you. start to treat yourself like a queen.... BECAUSE YOU ARE!!! .... best of luck and love to you xoxo
Italiana Posted August 29, 2007 Posted August 29, 2007 And in response to getting away from him..... when there is a will there is a way.... stop paying all this $$$ for him and get yourself a cute little apartment .... as far away from him as possible
Author nottoobright Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 Thank you Italiana for giving me a little boost, though I know it won't be as easy as you make it sound I know it is possible. You are right, I need to be alone for a while a long while. The thought of having my own place that I can decorate the way I want, watch what I want on t.v, cook what I want and use the phone when I want sounds so exciting to me. It has been a long time since I haven't had a mans head up my @ss. Actually for someone who doesn't really act like he wants me my husband sure has HIS head up my @ss a lot. He is still reading all of these posts and wants to put up another post, I guess in his defense.... We'll see!!! Thank you again Italiana.
LakesideDream Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Stop all the damn drama! You didn't fail your marriage or your children. The guy is a self centered dirtbag. No person can control the acts of others unless they are prison guards... even then it's almost impossible. The only way you can fail is to let him continue what he's doing to you and your children instead of trying to improve your lives and situation. That's what Mom's are supposed to do, take care of their kids.. and by extention themselves. As for money.. that's tough defication. He buried himself, now he can dig his way out. That's the way the world works. Look forward to a couple of years from know when some new guy will be filling you with hope and rocking your world. It'll happen.
Trialbyfire Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 A cheater will always point the finger at you, to attempt to mitigate their own inadequacies in a marriage. Why would you believe this garbage? He made the choice to cheat, you didn't hold his weenie and force him to do so. Your spouse is the failure, not you. Believe it.
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