spinback Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 It's been almost exactly 9 months since I split up with my first girlfriend after a 2.5 year relationship. I broke up with her because her friends told me she had been cheating on me. She still denies it to this today, but that is because she is spineless; I know the truth, I had seen almost-conclusive pictures. That aside, she has been seeing the guy she "didn't cheat on me" with for over 5 months now, and her best mate (whom she shares everything with) told me about 3 days ago that she had in fact been cheating towards the end of our relationship. She had also cheated on me before, for which I had foolishly forgiven her. I have been back and forth with this, on and off for the whole 9 months. I don't want to get back together with her, I don't want to be friends with her, I don't even like her after what she's done to me and my confidence... but I still can't get her out of my head completely. I have gone days at a time without really thinking about her, but for some reason I then go back to chewing over all the memories and the ordeal that ended us. 9 months is a long time... I've reached the stage where I'm wishing she had never existed. I have a new girlfriend and am at university, but am still finding that my ex dominates far too many of my thoughts. Why can't I get her out of my head once and for all? Does it take others this long? Any advice from others with experience here would be much appreciated, I'm very tired of going round in circles! Thanks for reading
Jade 02 Posted August 29, 2007 Posted August 29, 2007 I am so sorry this happend to you,you are the onr who has to pick your confidence up,and you can do it,you sound like a great guy,and its good you can treat the new lady you have. There's nothing wrong with you hun,go have fun forget her
wreckedhorse Posted August 29, 2007 Posted August 29, 2007 it took me about three years. i didn't have a rebound or dare to enter another relationship afterwards. and i was going through a very rough time and was all-around very unhealthy, emotionally physically and mentally. just drained. anyways, yeah, it takes people a long time, hopefully not three years, but time is such a relative thing anyways, this is why it took me so long. there were things i blamed myself for that i wasn't ready to confront or admit. for a while, it was a lot of one-side blaming, then exculpating myself from any wrongdoing in the relationship. where i lacked. and there was a lot of shame of how i reacted/acted that remained after it had ended. i just had to take myself out and be honest with myself. and the ability to gain perspective took a lot of distance (which i lacked, i still talked to him afterwards) and time. i don't know if that has anything to do with you. but that was my experience. there's so much in a betrayal or a betrayal that someone won't own up to, and even when they do, it still sucks. there are imprints that people leave on us, doubts that make us go in circles, implications about our worth when they act with infidelity. basically i had to get my mind off of what the other person DID and think about how it made me FEEL.
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