zelda579 Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 OK so I had been in no contact with my ex who broke up with me for about 3 months. Now that school started again he has talked to me two times. Today the second day we talked more and asked about summer and so on and so forth. Afterwards, I ended it and told him well I gotta go. He said it was nice talking to me and said that if we could continue as friends. I said well we'll see what happens and said see you later. That was that. I mean did he forget everything or is he testing the waters? What is going on? I feel so confused, pissed off, everything. Please give me some words of wisdom.
oppath Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 He probably sincerely wants to be friends, though friend can mean anything from being friendly when you run into each other, to being friends in group situations, to being one-on-one buddies. The probability of him testing the waters to rekindle the relationship is low.
Author zelda579 Posted August 28, 2007 Author Posted August 28, 2007 Well the day of no contact these were my words: "I don't want to talk to you anymore because I don't want you talking to me as if nothing happened." He said he was sorry and didn't mean to hurt me bla bla. So, why does want my friendship? MAN!! I should just forget about everything and go on. Thanks for replying anyway.
oppath Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 He wants your friendship because there were many great things about you that he valued and admired -- many of the qualities that attracted him to you were still there -- only (I'm guessing here) he didn't want you in his life in a romantic context. Because you were intimate with each other, and because you have qualities he desires in a friend, he wants to be friends. This is because you are an awesome person. Is it selfish on his part? Possibly. Time has passed, right? If it is too painful for you to be friends, you can reassert this and tell him "please don't feel rejected by this, but given our history, it is very difficult for me to be friends. It's not something I feel I can do." If he repeatedly violates your boundaries, he's a dick. It sounds like he has ran into you at school, so he talks to you. If he were to avoid you alltogether, would that hurt you too? It is possible he wants to get back together and is testing the water. There is no way to project his motivations based on the information you posted. I would say his motives are sincere and genuine and are really a compliment to you.
birdie Posted August 29, 2007 Posted August 29, 2007 I think it's possible that he is testing the water. In my experience exes don't really seek contact unless they are still interested. There can be a situation when you are forced to spend time together (at work, at school) and the other person might try to make sure there is no friction but otherwise it's about testing the water, yes. I am friends with my exes but I sometimes have to re-establish boundaries to make sure it doesn't go beyond that.
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