annabelle75 Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 I got that quote from a guy that my sister is currently dating. They were co-workers and friends at the time that he said it. My sister had been on a few dates with a guy that she thought had relationship potential. One day they had a three hour lunch meeting at work and when she got back she saw she had 66 emails in her inbox from the guy she had been dating. He had called to see if she wanted to meet for lunch and when she didn’t respond he freaked out. It was just plain crazy. Her co-worker (now current bf) said, “now that’s just 65 emails too many.” It makes me laugh every time I think of it. Last night I had a similar experience. I am trying to maintain a friendship with a guy I recently broke up with. Last night he called after 10pm while I was chatting with a friend online and getting ready for bed. I didn’t feel like talking so I didn’t answer and was going to call back today. Well ….. over the next 20 minutes he called 8 times, buzzed me on yahoo and google messenger countless times and sent me 6 emails on two different email accounts. By the time he finally stopped I was pissed off and a little creeped out. I wanted to turn off all the lights and hide in the hallway incase he showed up at my door. Why do people do stuff like that? If some one is ignoring you, harassing them isn’t going to make them want to talk to you. I usually refer to these kind of incidents as “girlie freak-outs.” I mean it in no offense to women since men do it just as often, but it reminds me of the kind of dramatic episodes me and my girl friends use to have in high school. I have since seen the error of that kind of behavior and accept if some on is ignoring me it is best to just leave them alone. So ……. Why do people behave like this? Logically we know it will just aggravate situation, so what is the point? Since the episode last night he called my three times this morning before I even got to work, which I ignored. I then sent him an email explaining that I was busy and didn’t feel like talking last night and harassing me just made me angry. I thought that would get my point across. Since the email he has called twice and emailed me three more times (all unanswered). Do you think he’s realized yet that this behavior has killed any chance of me wanting to be his friend? Why won’t he stop?
KenzieAbsolutely Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 "now that's just 65 emails too many" this is hilarious. i get it, totally.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Annabelle, You cant be friends with him anymore! It's for his own good. I'm not exactly the king 'o' no contact right now. But that's because deep down I really want this girl! Your done with this guy... and now he is turning stalker on you! Not that I can really fault him. Anyway... your going to have to explain to him that your going to start seeing other men... Big Danagerous Men... LOL. NC is the only way to help him get over you! Otherwise he will constantly be inundated with your awesomeness!
Author annabelle75 Posted August 28, 2007 Author Posted August 28, 2007 Annabelle, You cant be friends with him anymore! It's for his own good. I'm not exactly the king 'o' no contact right now. But that's because deep down I really want this girl! Your done with this guy... and now he is turning stalker on you! Not that I can really fault him. Anyway... your going to have to explain to him that your going to start seeing other men... Big Danagerous Men... LOL. NC is the only way to help him get over you! Otherwise he will constantly be inundated with your awesomeness! I agree. It makes me sad but I agree. I don't like hurting him, but he won't let go no matter what I say. I'm just going to have to cut him loose for his own good. I feel crummy now. :bunny::bunny:
oppath Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Yes, this is too much. Here's the deal being friends with the ex: your relationship is not the same. With friends, it is COOL if someone takes a couple days to return your call, blows you off, etc as long as those things aren't habits. With an ex, however, if it happens ONCE, they freak out, because within a relationship, you do need to be more available. The fundamental tolerances you have for friends don't exist with an ex because you once had more intimacy. You need to explain to him "I feel it's too soon for us to be friends. I do want us to be friends, but I feel we haven't had enough space (it's only been a month, right?). My impression is that it is too difficult for you to be friends with me right now, and how you reacted to me being unavailable, with all the emails and phone calls, confirms that. It is ok. I understand. I am your friend. But can you honestly be just friends with me right now? You wanted more from me. Do you feel it would be better for us to give each other some space? That is how I feel. I am not rejecting you at all as a friend. I feel we will have the best chance of eventually being friends if we give each other the space to heal and move on. I really hope after a couple months we can be friends, but right now it just seems too soon, and we are only going to get pissed at each other if we don't each others unrealistic expectations on how to be friends so soon after a breakup."
Star Gazer Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 I dated a guy who once called me 36 times in the space of an hour. I usually answered my phone most evenings, and on the one evening where I didn't (I think the series finale of SiTC was on) he FREAKED OUT and thought something had happened. It really creeped me out...watching the phone ring over and over and over and over and over and over....
sb129 Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Reeerk reeerk reeerk PSYCHO alert! LOl, the OP was funny. Stalkers are so not sexy.
Author annabelle75 Posted August 28, 2007 Author Posted August 28, 2007 He's now resorted to sending ecards .... I'm on the verge of gagging I finally decided to respond and sent this email: I’m not mad at you, I just want some space. I’m starting to think it may be too soon to try to be friends. It seems there are just too many boundary issues right now. I’m not sure what to do. You say you can just be friends but you are not acting the way a friend acts. I’m really not sure what to do at this point. I just need some space. Also, this is completely unrelated to what happened last night and was something I was going to ask for last week but forgot. I need to get my extra key back. I want to give it to my mom incase there is an emergency. I think it is important I have some one close to home that has access to my place. Let me know when I can get it. Thanks. I have no intention of continuing a friendship with him for the time being, but I would like to get my key back before cutting off all contact. I never actually gave it to him in the first place (he used it while helping me move and never gave it back), and I would feel alot more comfortable with the situation if he didn't have access to my home.
Saxis Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 To heck with the key, just change the locks!! What would stop him from making a copy before he gives it back?
whichwayisup Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 It actually might be easier (even though more expensive) to change your locks. You really don't know if his frame of mind, though the way he is acting right now is excessive and obsessive behaviour...And what if he makes a copy of the key before he gives it back to you...Just something to think about.
Star Gazer Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 It actually might be easier (even though more expensive) to change your locks. You really don't know if his frame of mind, though the way he is acting right now is excessive and obsessive behaviour...And what if he makes a copy of the key before he gives it back to you...Just something to think about. I agree - have to get the locks changed!!
Author annabelle75 Posted August 28, 2007 Author Posted August 28, 2007 It actually might be easier (even though more expensive) to change your locks. You really don't know if his frame of mind, though the way he is acting right now is excessive and obsessive behaviour...And what if he makes a copy of the key before he gives it back to you...Just something to think about. I have thought about. I really don't think I am in any physical danger. he's taking the break up badly, but I don't think he's mentally unbalanced. I am considering it though. He just reponded and told me I can have my key and requested I return a few things he gave me. He can have the gifts back. I just want this to be over finally.
Trialbyfire Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Stalker mentality is bizarre... Anyways, it's pretty easy to flood someone's email boxes with multiple messages. Technology is a treat for stalkers.
oppath Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Sounds like a case of too much too soon in regards to trying a friendship. I'm of the opinion there needs to be several months minimal to no contact for it to happen, even for non serious relationships. Be cautious.
Mustang Sally Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 I once had a exBF who acted similarly to what you are describing, annabelle. He knew where I kept my spare key and got into my house and took some of my personal things. (I never got them back.) I was ready to end it before that happened, but when he did that it was the last straw. He quasi-stalked me for many years after I broke it off with him. One time he even tried to find my new residence (this was YEARS later) and it scared the hell out of me. Change your locks and possibly your phone number, etc ASAP. You never know about people....
shadowplay Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Wow, this is just like that answering machine scene in Swingers! Anyone else know what I'm talking about?
Arizona100 Posted August 29, 2007 Posted August 29, 2007 I did that one, years ago lol My bf wasnt answering on messenger (after a fight) and I sent him like 20 messages, totally freaked out. Well he was away from the kboard on the phone with him mom. No need to say that he came back and he had this creepy feeling Live and learn
Recommended Posts