Going backwards....

[uniqueone]

As for my father, he was emotionally unavailable and a workaholic.

 

Mine too.

 

So she has always been sending out confusing messages like this?

 

Yeah

 

You should take some time and think about this: Taking insecurities with you in to a relationship can cause it to fail.

The only way I could see it causing a relationship to fail is if the person isn't aware of them and if the person isn't dealing with them. Neither applies to me.

 

You should strongly consider some sort of help. If you don't think counseling would help, at least try a self-help book or two.

 

Who's to say that I haven't/don't? My knowledge in this area is vast and I've been told that by several who have both years of education and experience in the field. Just quiz me.

 

Things such as this can drive people away, but they can also cause a person to attract the wrong people.

 

 

People who are driven away from those with insecurites.....those who are aware of their insecurities and are dealing with them.....aren't compassionate. And people who aren't compassionate, aren't people I really care to know anyway.

 

True....the part about it attracting the wrong people.

 

 

Just as an aside.....read my posts on LS.....I'm a mixture of strength and groundedness, as well as insecurity. I know what I am.....I'm not in the dark about it. I'll easily admit my weak points but I know my strong points as well....and I'm open about it all. I've done a LOT of work on myself over the years. I may still be ****ed up but this is better than before.

[uniqueone]

You aren't being fair to yourself.

 

This guy treated you like dirt, but at every opportunity you overlook that and only consider how you made him feel.

 

If you don't take a stand on sticking up for yourself at some point, who else is going to? You need to start putting yourself first. Other people aren't going to stick up for you if you first aren't willing to do it for yourself.

 

 

All very good points. I should print this out and pin this on the wall.

[uniqueone]

I still do not think ive completely moved on,actually I think that I have become good at providing myself with distractions. As far as meeting people easily I think from chatting with you here that you would be able to do it just as easily.

 

 

Oh I could chat with people fairly easily (far different than when I was younger). But I haven't the social circle to do it in. I have no place to go to -to "hang out" and start chatting.

[uniqueone]

Get out and do stuff, even if it is alone. I went out today and while my man fans were not ripping at my clothes or jumping on my vehicle and screaming and crying for me to bear their children....I tried to pretend to myself that they were.

 

I did get some nods and some craning necks and even a double take that made me wonder if I had something on my face. These affirmations were good enough for me...today.

 

You still never told me what you mean by go out and do---do what? What did you go out and do?

 

I think you are funny and you seem like a very strong person. I would like to see you strive for more then ...some guy who didn't recognize a good thing when he had it.

 

Hold out for better I say.

 

You never answered what I said on this part either.

 

I have another thing to say on this part though......

 

There's this guy I used to work with and he started flirting with me and I was in my aloof defensive mode due to a previous situation. He didn't give up though. Evnetually, I got to liking him and we had such witty banter going all day long, it was so much fun. Then we started doing some things outside of work. People saw him hanging around me and told me that he was a guy who just went after girls for some "fun". He didn't seem that way to me so I figured what harm could it do. Anyway, it turned out that's what he was interested in and he ended up acting pretty cold and rude to me when things didn't work out that way.

 

Foolish me, once again I'd let my guard down and gotten hurt. I was depressed at work all the time because it was reminding me of him (fortunately I didn't have to "SEE" him usually.)

Time went by and I'd have to do things in his dept. and I'd be very business like and talk to the people that I needed to in his dept. He'd try to interject all the time and say something funny. I'd give a forced smile and continue doing my job.

 

More time goes by....we run into each other out on this trail (it's a place he frequents also) and he'd try to chat with me. I'd chat back...I'd just be friendly...nothing cozy. Same with at work....we'd chat occasionally if we ran into each other.

 

Still everytime I'd be in his dept. he'd have to make it a point to make his presence known.

 

Anyway, I no longer work there but I'll occasionally run into him on this trail still.

 

But he moved about a year ago---closer to where I live. And now, every time I run some errands, he's appearing! He just appeared the other day at the grocery store. It's happened at least five times at that same store.

 

Your comment about how "he didn't know what he had" made me think of him. He snuck up on me in the store and made a silly joke. I laughed....sort of....then went on my way. I only had a few things to get so got in line pretty quickly. Sure enough I get a guy who's new and didn't know how to ring things up which delayed me. Guess who gets in line behind me? Yep.

 

I look at him now and wonder what the heck I saw in him and what the heck I was so upset about.....I mean I was REALLY depressed after he "dumped" me several years ago.

 

And now I can't get rid of the loser.....

[underpants]

It really bugs me the people who don't realize what they had. Then they kind of do, but play coy and cute (somewhere in that brain they have to have some inkling of the hurt they caused???), by the time they catch the slightest clue you have moved on, or at least fully woken up to the fact that they are not what you want. This is such a mean rub by the Universe.

 

I don't have the answers, although sometimes I like to think I'm funny.

 

I get out and just do stupid stuff. I am changing gyms tomorrow so that might be fun. There are men at this gym. Sweaty hunky men...maybe. There is even a pool, I hope I can post about a speedo next week.

 

I just guess I am at the point where pining for men from my past is no longer as fun as checking out what is out there. I have quite the imagination so sometimes I can let a very stupid encounter make my day.

 

It's the little things. I might not have a guy but I do have alot going for me. I am sure you do too.

 

We will get there. I'm gonna have fun trying...dam it.

[uniqueone]

It really bugs me the people who don't realize what they had. Then they kind of do, but play coy and cute (somewhere in that brain they have to have some inkling of the hurt they caused???), by the time they catch the slightest clue you have moved on, or at least fully woken up to the fact that they are not what you want. This is such a mean rub by the Universe.

 

I don't have the answers, although sometimes I like to think I'm funny.

 

I get out and just do stupid stuff. I am changing gyms tomorrow so that might be fun. There are men at this gym. Sweaty hunky men...maybe. There is even a pool, I hope I can post about a speedo next week.

 

I just guess I am at the point where pining for men from my past is no longer as fun as checking out what is out there. I have quite the imagination so sometimes I can let a very stupid encounter make my day.

 

It's the little things. I might not have a guy but I do have alot going for me. I am sure you do too.

 

We will get there. I'm gonna have fun trying...dam it.

 

 

Ok...I DO get out and do things such as working out like you talk about doing yourself. So I guess I don't get what you're saying about how I should get out and do stuff.

 

You know what makes it difficult for me not to pine? The fact that this guy was so accomplished, talented, smart.....and not only that, we clicked....same sense of humor. Where will I find THAT again?