shoesies05 Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 Sry... I thought the insurance was health insurance... she should pay for her car insurance
Jinnah Posted September 19, 2007 Posted September 19, 2007 So how has everything turned out, DDL? I hope everything is working out for you.
Author dropdeadlegs Posted September 19, 2007 Author Posted September 19, 2007 So how has everything turned out, DDL? I hope everything is working out for you. I genuinely appreciate all the input given. Not much has changed since my post of 9/14. She will pick up her auto insurance in March '08. She is now paying the additional line fees associated with her portion of my family plan cellular bill. Her health insurance expires on her 19th birthday in February. Unless she obtains a job with clear insurance benefits or is truly promoted as "full time" at her current job, she will no longer have coverage. I don't even have health coverage myself, so that is out of my hands. She intends to move to her Dad's when I vacate this place. He has never coddled her in the way that I have concerning doing her laundry, paying any of her expenses, or cleaning up after her. She will have responsibilities. That's about it. I am moving on with my own plans.
love necessity Posted September 21, 2007 Posted September 21, 2007 HI! I haven't read any of your other posts on this situation, but I will go back and read them when I am finished writing this.... Everything sounds great, but you are just worried that she will feel like you are choosing him over her... I don't think she'll feel that way, because you already said that she loves him and is happy for him... Have you and your SO thought about getting a bigger place together? Or maybe your daughter can get her own apartment...She is about that age, where she should start learning a little more about the world around her... I think you should just move and if she has an issue w/ it, let her work it out on her own...I wouldn't argue w/ her about it though...You have a life too, and I know that you care about the well-being of your daughter, but you should let her make the decision of what she needs to do as an adult, because she is grown now...If she happens to need help in her decision of staying w/ you or getting her own place, then help as much as you can....Just always let her know that you are there for moral support.... As far as you paying for her stuff...I think you should make her pay her own bills...If she wants a cell phone, make her pay for it herself, same goes with her car insurance....Make her pay for it...I think paying it in the beginning was alright, because you were showing her responsibility, but now that she knows what she has to do, I think you should let her take on that bill now.... You seem like a very caring mother, I'm sure all of this is scary...Just like the first time you held her in your arms and now you have to watch as she flys away from the nest....You want the best for her and have always gave her the best, but now you have to let her from under your wing, so she scratch her nose and fall...It's hard, but that's how we learn....We all made mistakes growing up, and still continue to make mistakes as we grow old, until we there is no more life in us to make any more mistakes.... WOW..I talk a lot...But DDL!...I think you have done the right thing so far for her, now it's time to move forward w/ your SO and do what's right for you...It doesn't mean you are a bad parent...You have done all you could to see that your daughter has done the right thing... If you don't mind me asking? Why isn't she in college?
Author dropdeadlegs Posted September 24, 2007 Author Posted September 24, 2007 HI! I haven't read any of your other posts on this situation, but I will go back and read them when I am finished writing this.... Everything sounds great, but you are just worried that she will feel like you are choosing him over her... I don't think she'll feel that way, because you already said that she loves him and is happy for him... Have you and your SO thought about getting a bigger place together? Or maybe your daughter can get her own apartment...She is about that age, where she should start learning a little more about the world around her... I think you should just move and if she has an issue w/ it, let her work it out on her own...I wouldn't argue w/ her about it though...You have a life too, and I know that you care about the well-being of your daughter, but you should let her make the decision of what she needs to do as an adult, because she is grown now...If she happens to need help in her decision of staying w/ you or getting her own place, then help as much as you can....Just always let her know that you are there for moral support.... As far as you paying for her stuff...I think you should make her pay her own bills...If she wants a cell phone, make her pay for it herself, same goes with her car insurance....Make her pay for it...I think paying it in the beginning was alright, because you were showing her responsibility, but now that she knows what she has to do, I think you should let her take on that bill now.... You seem like a very caring mother, I'm sure all of this is scary...Just like the first time you held her in your arms and now you have to watch as she flys away from the nest....You want the best for her and have always gave her the best, but now you have to let her from under your wing, so she scratch her nose and fall...It's hard, but that's how we learn....We all made mistakes growing up, and still continue to make mistakes as we grow old, until we there is no more life in us to make any more mistakes.... WOW..I talk a lot...But DDL!...I think you have done the right thing so far for her, now it's time to move forward w/ your SO and do what's right for you...It doesn't mean you are a bad parent...You have done all you could to see that your daughter has done the right thing... If you don't mind me asking? Why isn't she in college? Thank you for your reply. Yes, I am moving on with my plans, my life. Once you read the other posts, I'm sure that was apparent. We have not considered a larger home because while it might fulfill very short term needs, it wouldn't be appropriate long term. We have finances to consider as well. We are looking forward to a day when we will have a bit more freedom than we have now, and need to plan for retirement as well. He has one child, almost 18 (5 weeks from now) and I still have two children aged 9 and 6, in addition to the graduated 18 year old. I feel fortunate that with his money, and his land, that he has made the choice for a 3 bedroom home. That is basically to accommodate MY needs, not his. Yes, I will financially contribute to the home we will share, and I believe it will be great long term. Once the kids are grown, we will have two empty bedrooms, but one can be a guest room and one can be an office/computer room/whatever room, maybe a den or something. I can see 3 bedrooms as a positive in the long run, but 4 bedrooms for short term use is both expensive and unnecessary. I won't argue with my adult daughter about any decision she makes. It is her choice, ultimately, whatever she decides to do. I paid the first premium on the car insurance as an agreed upon graduation gift. She is aware of the need to pick it up in March at a cost of $100 monthly. I have encouraged saving $100 monthly since I pay my premium in full, no payments. She has just paid her first cell bill, too. I have never charged rent, utilities, or groceries and since my own move is less than one month away, I do not plan to. She eats on her money more days than not. As for why she isn't in college, she isn't so inclined. She isn't dumb, by any means, but there is a difference between "book smarts" and "common sense smarts" and my girl has more aptitude in the latter. She does not enjoy school or studying and barely made it out of high school and doesn't wish to continue studies AT THIS TIME. Is she capable?, you bet she is, but she isn't so sure. I intend to encourage that, but she just got a car 6 weeks ago (her money.) Thank you for the nice things you said. I'm far from perfect, but I do care and want the best for her. We have a very good relationship. My past mistake in a husband has left me with much guilt, but I do not believe she holds it against me because I have been so honest and open about that mistake and have made many amends on that front. We are openly honest about any subject, something I've never experienced with my older child (22.) Just today she said "I have no reason to lie about anything" and that is factual. It isn't always easy to know the absolute truth (sex and drugs included) but I'm glad I do. The truth is much easier to deal with than questions. Even if she goes with her Dad, and last I heard she is, I know that it's reversible, and so does she. It reversed itself once before. I will help her in any way I can, within reason, and she knows that.
Recommended Posts