Ignored by exMM

[lonelybird]

No insults, just requests that repeatedly get twisted around and ignored.

 

 

??????? :rolleyes:

 

So now you can throw insults? I don't follow you around, in fact I posted on this thread to advise PP, NOT because of you- read the post, and I specifically stay AWAY from the R&S forums to AVOID this subject. Its YOU who drops your "message" here there and everywhere. I am not the only person annoyed by it.

 

Sadism???? I have heard it all now.... yeah I am such a big bad person. Ooooooo...... You need to get out more Lonelybird.

yeah, you know what I am talking about in your heart

 

I keep my right for 'free speach'

[sb129]

Its S-P-E-E-C-H.

 

I don't really care what is in your heart LB....

 

Where is that ignore button?

[sb129]

PS smugness isn't very christian.

[LucreziaBorgia]

To me he was gorgeous, attentive, considerate, kind, etc. He made me laugh so much. We had such good rapport together which is one of the things I miss more than anything!

 

God, yeah...he did make me feel wonderful about myself and was the first man in my life ever to do that. It felt like he put me on a pedestal and he really couldn't believe his luck being with me which was strange for me as I ain't nothing special (obviously in his eyes at the time I was, just like he was to me).

 

Just remember this, P - coming from a long time but reformed cakeperson: a MM gives twice as much to get you, because he has twice as less to offer you than a single man. A married guy has to really work hard to convince a woman that it is ok to sleep with a married guy, and fall in love with someone who truly has nothing tangible to offer - he can't offer you a future, he can't offer you security, he can't offer you stability: because his wife already has it all.

 

All he can offer is sex and emotion and since that is all he has to offer he will pour it on thicker than you can imagine. If I had a dime for every OW who said "MM loved me like no other man ever has" - well, that's how married men love their OW. They love them with what they have to offer, and since romance is all they have then that is what OW gets: a 'sweep her off her feet seduction fest' like none she has ever known. Its not because it is the great love of your life. Its because he literally has nothing else for you. MM overcompensate for what they CAN'T offer you.

 

A married guy will say "I love you until the end of time" but if you were to say, hey... my rent and utilities are due and I don't have any money in the bank - then you can bet the love of your life isn't going to be able to do anything about that - after all, how would he explain the dip in marital funds to his wife? A married guy will say "I can't live without you" but if you were to say "I have a weeks vacation coming up, and I would like you to come with me" then the great love of your life would have to perform a miracle of lies to pull it off but probably won't - it would be too much trouble getting around his wife. MM says "You are my soulmate, and I want to be with you forever", but if you were to say "I want you to spend Christmas with me because I don't want to be alone" he would sadly turn you down, because how would he explain not being home for Christmas to his wife?

 

See where I'm going here? He has his love to give, but nothing practical or real to back it up and he knows it. So... how can he keep you around when he has nothing but empty words and promises to give? He just continues to convince you that he is your dream man, and keeps the 'sweeping off your feet' going with lots of hot sex, and terribly earnest and heartfelt devotions of a deep love that he "has never felt, not even with his wife".

 

I know this, because I lived it. I did exactly what your MM did with various OM, and just like your MM when it was time for playtime to be over, I put them away and went home. You aren't missing much, P - you might miss how he made you feel, and trust me - cakepeople have a knack for making their OW/OM feel special - like an oasis or safe haven from an otherwise "loveless" and "lackluster" life, but know this... if it was truly loveless, or time to move on, they would. So what are you truly missing? You are missing all that he had to give: an intangible feeling, with nothing real to back it up.

 

Once you get to the point in your healing where you can focus on the "he had nothing real" instead of the "we were so in love" then you'll be on your way to a better place emotionally. It takes time, lots of time - hope and wishful thinking are so much harder to let go of than an actual person.

[pricillia]

I respect my neighbor, that doesn't mean I will stop to save that little girl in fire. I offer the support from my view of points, and God is in my life in everything, so God will come out from my support posts as well. unless you want to put me into jail or seal my mouth.

 

I think you are supporting 'free speach', right? or you only support 'free speach' only there doesn't involve God talk?

 

 

I I I I I I I that is all I get from your posts is I, you are only working from your perspective and your beliefs, I did this and I did that and I was saved and you can be as well, but only if you listen to me me me me me.

 

All of us would save a little girl in a fire as well as a a little boy and old man, a young lady, a gay man a gay woman someone of a different faith a different background and of a different color!

 

Everyone deserves to be happy loved and fulfilled, and return that back... we know that we really understand that fact. Not all of us are of the Christian faith so if you would like to have people respond to you, can you just talk to us as woman to woman?

 

You are talking down to us LB even if you don't think you are IMOP that is why we push your concept away.

 

You can not manage everyone and everything and if you want to take on that task you should do a better job doing it because you although are trying very hard you are failing miserably. I say this because managers and people in leadership roles know when enough is enough, and you should to.

 

I was wondering if you should to take a class on how to be a leader and incorporate some of the things that you learn into everyday life, not everyone can be like you!

 

I ask do you have a boyfriend in your life or a girlfriend for that matter, someone that you enjoy being with besides god?

[marlena]

true love: when another person cannot give that love back, you can wish him well and forgive him, and decently walk away, even that means you will suffer without him, because you CAN wish him well even without you, this requires 'humble love' humbly admit that another woman his wife will give him what he want if he can be happy.

 

 

Lonely bird, does this work the other way around as well? I mean, shouldn't the BS decently walk away and nobly suffer when she knows that her husband is unable to give back his love to her because he loves someone else? Should she practise "humble love as well? Wouldn't that be the Christian thing to do?

 

 

OR if OW truly love and respect themselves, they will not put themselves in the OW position in the first place. so most of OWs have self-destructive tendency or self punishment tendency

 

What about the BS who stays with a deceitful husband and allows him to demean her in such a horrendous way? Does she have no self - love or self - respect for remaining in the marriage and accepting the abuse?

 

 

Like I said before, if your love only toward yourself, and don't consider his wife and family, it is selfish love. and you will always be in the dark area of his life,

 

 

Shouldn't he be considering his wife and family even more so than his lover? Are males exempt from having a concsience?

 

I got out of an affair when I simply realized, and not through a religious awakening, I did love and respect myself (no prozac here!) Similarly, I walked out of a 15 year marriage for the very same reasons. My ex husband was having an affair and so I gathered up all my self- esteem and self- love and walked away.

 

Oh, and by the way, I TRULY loved the mm I was with for five years. Make no mistake of that!!!

[marlena]

Lonely bird,

 

Why this choice of nickname? How can you be lonely when God is in your heart and soul every minute of the day and night? Just curious! Seems somewhat of an oxymoron!

 

I have nothing against believing in a god, however one chooses to conceive of him/her. It's organised religion and the propaganda it spews that gives me the *****!!! How about practising love and understanding minus the moral preaching? Wouldn't that be the more Christian thing to do?

[pricillia]

Lonely bird,

 

Why this choice of nickname? How can you be lonely when God is in your heart and soul every minute of the day and night? Just curious! Seems somewhat of an oxymoron!

 

I have nothing against believing in a god, however one chooses to conceive of him/her. It's organised religion and the propaganda it spews that gives me the *****!!! How about practising love and understanding minus the moral preaching? Wouldn't that be the more Christian thing to do?

 

 

Marlena,

 

It is so funny that you say this because there are so many of us that have asked her this over and over and over again, at this point we are beating our heads against the wall because LB is just not listening, so I think that we are wasting our time!

[marlena]

MM overcompensate for what they CAN'T offer you.

 

 

THIS is the bitter truth in a nutshell!!!

[frannie]

I know this, because I lived it. I did exactly what your MM did with various OM, and just like your MM when it was time for playtime to be over, I put them away and went home. You aren't missing much, P - you might miss how he made you feel, and trust me - cakepeople have a knack for making their OW/OM feel special - like an oasis or safe haven from an otherwise "loveless" and "lackluster" life, but know this... if it was truly loveless, or time to move on, they would. So what are you truly missing? You are missing all that he had to give: an intangible feeling, with nothing real to back it up.

 

But LB... just because that is how you were, what you thought of all those men, and what you had to offer them, as a self-proclaimed cake-person, that doesn't apply to every married person in an affair.

 

You were a MOW/MW (I don't know whether all your affair partners were single), but there are lots of MOW on here... they don't necessarily think of their OM/MM as pieces of ass to be tossed aside and ignored and used... there's genuine love and affection, anguish etc. etc. by married women all the time on others.

 

You don't speak for all MW, let alone all MM... your mindset, needs and actions were of a certain kind. You can't tar everyone with the same brush. Not every married woman (or man) has affairs for the same empty reasons you did.

[Herzen]

But LB... just because that is how you were, what you thought of all those men, and what you had to offer them, as a self-proclaimed cake-person, that doesn't apply to every married person in an affair.

 

You were a MOW/MW (I don't know whether all your affair partners were single), but there are lots of MOW on here... they don't necessarily think of their OM/MM as pieces of ass to be tossed aside and ignored and used... there's genuine love and affection, anguish etc. etc. by married women all the time on others.

 

You don't speak for all MW, let alone all MM... your mindset, needs and actions were of a certain kind. You can't tar everyone with the same brush. Not every married woman (or man) has affairs for the same empty reasons you did.

 

 

I agree, Frannie. I too am a reformed cheater. My lone affair was with a married woman. Yes, we offered each other mere intangibles: love, affection, emotional support, hot, passionate sex, intellectual stimulation and a deep and abiding friendship. Those triflings sustained us for 5 years.

 

An affair is a romantic relationship on steroids.

 

Perhaps LB's description applies to the classic cakeman affair: married man, single woman.

 

When both parties are married, all bets are off.

[bunset]

I agree, Frannie. I too am a reformed cheater. My lone affair was with a married woman. Yes, we offered each other mere intangibles: love, affection, emotional support, hot, passionate sex, intellectual stimulation and a deep and abiding friendship. Those triflings sustained us for 5 years.

 

An affair is a romantic relationship on steroids.

 

Perhaps LB's description applies to the classic cakeman affair: married man, single woman.

 

When both parties are married, all bets are off.

 

Couldn't have said it better myself.

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. You were a MOW/MW (I don't know whether all your affair partners were single), but there are lots of MOW on here... they don't necessarily think of their OM/MM as pieces of ass to be tossed aside and ignored and used... there's genuine love and affection, anguish etc. etc. by married women all the time on others.

 

2. Not every married woman (or man) has affairs for the same empty reasons you did.

 

1. I think you focused so hard on the admittedly harsh words describing how the affairs end that you missed this part:

 

that's how married men love their OW. They love them with what they have to offer, and since romance is all they have then that is what OW gets: a 'sweep her off her feet seduction fest' like none she has ever known.

 

I never said that MM didn't love OW. I just said that he does love her, but unfortunately love/sex/affection/romance/etc. is all he has to offer. So... he offers it and then some. Equally unfortunate is that regardless of how much he loves and to what degree it all comes down to the same thing in the end, regardless of how you describe it. It can be described as 'putting away the toys and going home' or it can be described as 'MM heartbrokenly and regretfully left the OW he loved to return home to his marriage'. Same difference really. When its over, its over regardless of what language you use to describe it.

 

2. When I was involved with others, the reasons weren't empty but in hindsight they may as well have been. Whether they were empty or not was a moot point since they ended regardless.

[lonelybird]

Lonely bird, .....

If you want to be a OW, it is your choices. I think OWs try to cheat themselves, and that's why they are so miserable. many people cheat themselves without knowing. I know my posts brush their feathers in a uncomfortable way, but truth can set people free. If you are happily OW, I don't think you will come here.

 

In a word, OW is in a secret relationship, a secret relationship is demeaning, and OW is feeding DISHONESTY and NON-INTEGRITY and INFIDILITY in both of MM and OW. Think about that "beautiful love started from dishonesty, cheating, and infidility!" and at the bottom of their heart, they know they are trying to get something that don't belong to them in the first place, and they convince themselves they just need a little. Justify as you wish. but your choices make your fate. Your emotions are agaist Spirit sometimes, when this happen, people will have guilty in their heart even they don't want to admit. this will affect them in a long term sense.

 

enough said, choices are yours

[GreenEyedLady]

If you are happily OW, I don't think you will come here.

 

I am a Happy OW and I am here!

 

I'm here to help others...Not judge them...

 

And just so you know, not every A is a secret...

 

See the truth will set YOU free...

[lonelybird]

I am a Happy OW and I am here!

 

I'm here to help others...Not judge them...

 

And just so you know, not every A is a secret...

 

See the truth will set YOU free...

oh, ok, good for you.

 

You are like telling your good friend who is walking toward to a pit, and you said 'if you feel good, then jump'. you want your friend is happy, but you and your friend only concentrate on nowess sense, very short term

 

short term exchanged for guilty, and suffering

long term happiness come from obeying universal laws

[GreenEyedLady]

oh, ok, good for you.

 

You are like telling your good friend who is walking toward to a pit, and you said 'if you feel good, then jump'. you want your friend is happy, but you and your friend only concentrate on nowess sense, very short term

 

short term exchanged for guilty, and suffering

long term happiness come from obeying universal laws

 

I am like telling my friend, you're responsible for your own choices.

 

And no matter what happens, I'm here to support you, no strings attached.

 

That's what friendship is.

 

Happiness comes from within. Not from any law.

[lonelybird]

I am like telling my friend, you're responsible for your own choices.

 

And no matter what happens, I'm here to support you, no strings attached.

 

That's what friendship is.

 

Happiness comes from within. Not from any law.

yeah, I could not help, who made 'within'? the law maker and 'within' maker are same

 

me too, 'choices are yours', but I have to describe 'how terrible the pit bottom is', so she can make more good choices

 

Is that because this world is falling that people don't expect more?

[Ladyjane14]

I'm here to help others...Not judge them...

 

Puh-leeze. ....Like you and a good many others haven't "judged" Lonelybird for her opinions. She's a Christian, and a better one than most I'd guess. Lord knows she's got more patience for "helping" sinners than I do. And doing it in a second language too if I'm not mistaken.

 

This week I've observed a thread from a woman who has "the better half", smirking it up pretty good that somebody ELSE puts in the time and does the mundane chores, like washing this cheating a*hole's laundry. And another who's on standby while MM shakes his wife down for as much CASH as he can possibly manage before he BAILS on her.

Meanwhile, both of these posters have received all sorts of "supportive" posts about how they should just 'do what's right for them'.

 

If Lonelybird is kind enough to care if some of y'all are bound for Hell or not, she's a better soul than I.

 

Meanwhile back at the ranch... if memory serves (and if I'm not thinking of someone else), our OP has previously posted her status as a Christian... and here some of you are, denigrating her religion, right here on her very own thread.

 

Anyway, for the sake of being on topic... Meeting addictive behaviors head on requires that we recognize our "stinking thinker" at work. Invasive thoughts must be redirected decisively. Your current boyfriend doesn't have a chance of being assessed for his OWN merits, if your mindset is one of more or less constant comparison.

 

I don't think it's necessary to break up with your new beau. But I do think it's necessary to observe him as a unique individual, rather than looking at him through the 'old lens' you used for somebody else.

[GreenEyedLady]

I beg to differ with you...

 

I don't judge her for her opinions...I think they are out of place on this forum...And so do many people who frequent this forum...

 

If she wants to discuss religion, the place to do that is in a religion forum, not the OW/OM forum...

[Ladyjane14]

I don't judge her for her opinions...I think they are out of place on this forum...And so do many people who frequent this forum...

 

Well, I can't really argue with that, can I? Afterall, you don't find too many people of true Christian ethics who are willing to ignore the commandments, "Thou shalt not commit adultery" or "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife".

 

F*cking married people is a bit of a creative stretch when you're a Christian, isn't it?

[lonelybird]

Ladyjane14

 

Thank you very much , no, I am not a better soul, I often think only Holy Spirit in me is good, only if I can hold back my flesh, things would be easier:D, I still have so much to learn from you

[GreenEyedLady]

Well, I can't really argue with that, can I? Afterall, you don't find too many people of true Christian ethics who are willing to ignore the commandments, "Thou shalt not commit adultery" or "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife".

 

F*cking married people is a bit of a creative stretch when you're a Christian, isn't it?

 

Come on, let's be real...Adultery is found in all religions...Otherwise, there wouldn't need for there to be a commandment, would there?

 

Adultery happens because people are not perfect, no matter who they claim their God to be...It's more of a creative stretch for you to say that Christians never cheat...

[Ladyjane14]

.It's more of a creative stretch for you to say that Christians never cheat...

 

Oh... I never said they don't. I just said it's a bit of a stretch for them to do it and still feel spiritually GOOD about it.

 

That's twisting your ethics like a pretzel if you're Christian... like you don't believe God has your home address.

[sb129]

If you want to be a OW, it is your choices. I think OWs try to cheat themselves, and that's why they are so miserable. many people cheat themselves without knowing. I know my posts brush their feathers in a uncomfortable way, but truth can set people free. If you are happily OW, I don't think you will come here.

 

In a word, OW is in a secret relationship, a secret relationship is demeaning, and OW is feeding DISHONESTY and NON-INTEGRITY and INFIDILITY in both of MM and OW. Think about that "beautiful love started from dishonesty, cheating, and infidility!" and at the bottom of their heart, they know they are trying to get something that don't belong to them in the first place, and they convince themselves they just need a little. Justify as you wish. but your choices make your fate. Your emotions are agaist Spirit sometimes, when this happen, people will have guilty in their heart even they don't want to admit. this will affect them in a long term sense.

 

enough said, choices are yours

 

This is a really good post LonelyBird, thank you. This i how I feel about being an OW- I used to be one, never ever again.

I think "happy" OW are rare.

We agree on something! Yay!

 

 

I beg to differ with you...

 

I don't judge her for her opinions...I think they are out of place on this forum...And so do many people who frequent this forum...

 

If she wants to discuss religion, the place to do that is in a religion forum, not the OW/OM forum...

 

Thats how I felt as well. I think LB has some valuable things to say (such as the post above) that sometimes get clouded with the christian issue.

I am not denigrating anybodys religion, but I do object to being judged for being a non-christian, and sometimes i think it should be left in the appropriate forum to avoid causing offense and upset. Which is all i will say about that as I don't want to hijack the thread again.