215sue Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 I have always been completely against becoming involved with a married man. However (of course), I find myself in that situation. Didn't know he was married when we met. When I found out, I decided it was too late. I had already fallen in love. I am SO not cut out to be waiting around for crumbs, yet I find myself submitting to his rules, schedule, etc. I want to end it, yet I don't. I have read advice, but is there anything that can help me for real?
kymberann Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 That anything you can do is to get out before you find yourself even more entrenched. Believe me it is easy to fall in to, especially the romanticism of the affair. I was there, such a painful place to be. I will never be there AGAIN! Work through this and get it out. Look at it from all angles. Do you really want to settle for crumbs? Wait for his call and live by his schedule. It isn't fair, no matter how in love you are with the guy. Besides, he was deceptive to you. He will continue to be, to you and his wife. Neither of you deserve it. You already said it, you are so not cut out...... Best
Onelife Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 I have read advice, but is there anything that can help me for real? Read and read some more stories from here. They are real stories - REAL LIVES! Stories from people who have found themselves (me included) as the other women. The pain and suffering are so apparent! They may help you to stop while you can. I wish I could have found this place before I entered this relationship. Though I ended it, the pain is still with me. Best wishes for you. Onelife
Onelife Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 I will never be there AGAIN! Oh yeah and I will never be there EVER AGAIN either!
frannie Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 I have always been completely against becoming involved with a married man. However (of course), I find myself in that situation. Didn't know he was married when we met. When I found out, I decided it was too late. I had already fallen in love. I am SO not cut out to be waiting around for crumbs, yet I find myself submitting to his rules, schedule, etc. I want to end it, yet I don't. I have read advice, but is there anything that can help me for real? Well, you 'didn't know' he was married presumably because he didn't LET you know. In other words, he hid his marital status from you, deceived you, led you to believe he was something he is not. How did you find out..? Was he sorry..? What 'explanation' did he give for this shoddy treatment of you..? And what made you buy into it..? It's not 'too late' just because you love him. You're emotionally attached to someone who misrepresented himself to you. And you 'submit' to his rules and schedules ... why? What is he saying now about his marriage..? Claiming 'it's over' and he's leaving... and that's why you're hanging on..? The only thing you can really do in this situation is be realistic with yourself. Yes, you were tricked into it, but now you can see what's happened you have to examine why you're still in it. What is it he's saying/doing that's making you stay with him, what is it you're scared of or need... just examine it for what it is. Find out the reasons, and no I don't think 'love' is a good reason Of course everyone is going to say 'get out now'. Because that's the obvious thing to do. But is it what you want to do..? What's going on in your head..?
smoochygirl Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 I have always been completely against becoming involved with a married man. However (of course), I find myself in that situation. Didn't know he was married when we met. When I found out, I decided it was too late. I had already fallen in love. I am SO not cut out to be waiting around for crumbs, yet I find myself submitting to his rules, schedule, etc. I want to end it, yet I don't. I have read advice, but is there anything that can help me for real? It is a torture and a course. Stop it now while you can. It will be a very frustrating life your starting to live in now, thinking about him having sexual intercourse with his another women (his wife), Can not be able to talk to him freely, dividing his time for you and his real family. Your starting a very sad journey in your life in this kind of R. Having an A is no joke. It is not the normal R you are in to. Just read some more here in OW/OM forum, you will find a lot of devastating story. Goodluck and hope that you will find a way to get our of this kind of R/A.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 I am SO not cut out to be waiting around for crumbs, yet I find myself submitting to his rules, schedule, etc. I want to end it, yet I don't. I have read advice, but is there anything that can help me for real? Well, why are waiting around for his crumbs? Why are you submitting to his rules and schedule? Help, for real, is to reclaim your life...You don't have to put up with waiting around for crumbs...Go out and live! Show him that you have a life and that you are going to live it...You are not the one with restrictions... I am an OW and I was deceived...but I don't sit around waiting for crumbs...If you accept crumbs, that's what you'll get... Make your needs known and accept nothing less...Why be involved with someone who doesn't care what you need? A's can turn into good R's...I know because I'm in one...
code five Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 Sue... run away now. I know it's new and exciting. Believe me, you are going to feel so many different extremes your head is going to spin. I speak from experience here as the OM who just had his heart ripped out. Sure, I should've known better (and maybe I did) but it's hard to see the light when affection, attention and all those other heart felt feelings are being thrown at you. Go find someone who is single and strike up a real connection. It's my plan (well, not right away - have to repair and reflect first). You deserve more than scraps...
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