Scorpio13c Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Nagged, arguments, lack of affection, coldness & a general feel of melee? I did, they were the "Red Flags" that made me realize it was doomed.. Share your stories Scorp
bchlvr Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Yes. Scorpio, The end was very sudden for me. For months I heared my ex say how much she loved me, our relationship, and the prospect of our future together. I was shocked when she suddenly went to the other extreme and completely withdrew, stopped all affection, picked arguments, treated me disrespectfully, etc. I believe these were all attempts to create distance in order to make it easier to leave the relationship.
Author Scorpio13c Posted August 28, 2007 Author Posted August 28, 2007 I hear you Bch, Funny how not long before the end, they were actually at one moment in time, Extra affectionate, at least that was what it was like with me, I wonder why that was?
kirikat Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 I hear you Bch, Funny how not long before the end, they were actually at one moment in time, Extra affectionate, at least that was what it was like with me, I wonder why that was? Because, they were desperately trying to get the feeling back...
ellastar Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Yes. Scorpio, The end was very sudden for me. For months I heared my ex say how much she loved me, our relationship, and the prospect of our future together. I was shocked when she suddenly went to the other extreme and completely withdrew, stopped all affection, picked arguments, treated me disrespectfully, etc. I believe these were all attempts to create distance in order to make it easier to leave the relationship. same for me too. he talked of family, kids, how we would plan my maternity leave, etc., etc., etc. my recent ex (8 weeks now), stopped sleeping with me 6 weeks before he finally broke it off, citing being tired or when i initiated it, outright rejected me, saying it was simply too much. then the kissing stopped; yet, he maintained a certain tenderness towards me. later he said he was only doing that for my benefit. ouch. he even patted me once on the shoulder, telling me to have a nice day. that was the catalyst for me finally telling him i had had enough, that i could not live like this anymore. then he told me he didn't have feelings for me anymore. ...Funny how not long before the end, they were actually at one moment in time, Extra affectionate, at least that was what it was like with me, I wonder why that was? i remember my ex looking at me a certain way when i entered a room at a birthday party i arrived to a bit late. there was longing in his eyes, but we had had an argument so i ignored him. i was so angry. i regret that now, but then again, it seemed he had already made up his mind, so hindsight may be 20/20, i never thought one argument would end it for us. he also tried to cuddle with me on the couch, but it was so uncomfortable (position-wise), that he stopped trying. that was in essence, it! Because, they were desperately trying to get the feeling back... exactly right. now that i look back.
Just Visiting Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Yes. Scorpio, The end was very sudden for me. For months I heared my ex say how much she loved me, our relationship, and the prospect of our future together. I was shocked when she suddenly went to the other extreme and completely withdrew, stopped all affection, picked arguments, treated me disrespectfully, etc. I believe these were all attempts to create distance in order to make it easier to leave the relationship. Yes, it was the same for me. He did and said the same. I think what hurt the most is that he chose to withdraw when I really needed his support. A good friend died of cancer, my nephew was killed in an accident, and my mom almost died while being operated on. All of that occurred in a span of two weeks. I thought I was going to lose my mind. When I saw him creating distance between us, I knew that I didn't want to be around someone like that. Especially when I supported him through his tough times. I was the one who actually got up and left. Even though it happened almost two years ago, I still carry some hurt and anger over that situation. I have moved onto an even better relationship with a man who completely adores me. I have come to the conclusion that my remaining feelings are of hurt pride.
Author Scorpio13c Posted August 31, 2007 Author Posted August 31, 2007 Yes, it was the same for me. He did and said the same. I think what hurt the most is that he chose to withdraw when I really needed his support. A good friend died of cancer, my nephew was killed in an accident, and my mom almost died while being operated on. All of that occurred in a span of two weeks. I thought I was going to lose my mind. When I saw him creating distance between us, I knew that I didn't want to be around someone like that. Especially when I supported him through his tough times. I was the one who actually got up and left. Even though it happened almost two years ago, I still carry some hurt and anger over that situation. I have moved onto an even better relationship with a man who completely adores me. I have come to the conclusion that my remaining feelings are of hurt pride. Hi Just Visiting, I was the one who left too, exactly for the same reason as you. You are absolutely right about "Hurt pride"! I'm very happy for you being able to move on & be truely happy with someone new! Your storey gives me hope. Thank you very much for posting! Scorp
Saxis Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 Mine wasn't very fast... The relationship was struggling for a couple years. It was my STBXW that just turned completely cold on me, a lot of arguing, and for 2 years I struggled to fix things. I really didn't have a clue, as after 4 years together (married 3), I was still so enamoured and in love with her. She eventually told me she just wasn't in love with me anymore, hadn't been for a long time, and didn't know if she ever would be again, and that too many things had been said and done to fix it now. She also brought up a maxed credit card that she was keeping from me, which didn't help. We were separate but living together for 2 months, until she finally moved out a week ago. That month was the hardest. I feel so much better already with her gone; just relieved and generally happier. There's no way I could ever take her back now, but I do still have feelings for her. Our 3 year old daughter is the one really getting hurt. She's a smart kid, and really doesn't have a clue. She thinks she's on vacation right now, living at the X-in-laws'. I've kinda already got a few interests in ladies around town, but I'm afraid of getting involved in something new so quickly and hurting someone. I don't want to be a rebounder. I'm not convinced that it would be like that, as I haven't even had a real "loving" relationship in 2 years.
redfathom Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 I can relate, although we are still together. We did sperate in Feb for about a month for the same reasons, the nit picking, bickering, lack of sex and affection, and general feeling that things were more like roommates then husband and wife. Then we got back together in March and things were okay but now they seem to be starting up again. He is distancing himself and it seems like the more affectionate I get the less affectionate he is. Lately he will tell me he loves me and I will hesitate in my response, and well....he did it as well yesterday. I told him I loved him and he said nothing, hmmm. I guess I can understand what he is feeling since sometimes I feel that way also. Even though I do love him and I am sure he loves me (just not sure in what way). Since the signs are showing again I am not sure what will happen. But it could just be that he is stressed from problems at work and it has nothing to do with us. One can hope. Meybe I should not read so much into signs.
Just Visiting Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 Hi Just Visiting, I was the one who left too, exactly for the same reason as you. You are absolutely right about "Hurt pride"! I'm very happy for you being able to move on & be truely happy with someone new! Your storey gives me hope. Thank you very much for posting! Scorp Yes, despite all the heartache, pain, "what ifs" and "wtf??", you do eventually move on in life. And things do get better.
the_lost_one Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 . I don't want to be a rebounder. I'm not convinced that it would be like that, as I haven't even had a real "loving" relationship in 2 years. i know your feeling
sunnysideup1 Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 Well, towards the end I received a lot of coldness but I'm the one that walked away and ended the relationship. Yesterday, in fact. I know that I was the "dumper" but this person cheated on me with 3 different women, so I sensed the pulling away aspect that you describe. Saxis, I understand about struggling to fix things. I did that as well, but I found it only turned me into a doormat. I also hope to not have a rebound relationship. I just want to heal on my own.
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