One Phone Call...That's It!!

[LoveIsAnInsanity]

I would like your input on this:

 

Me and this guy have been together for a short while before it ended up becoming an LDR. It was the best time of our lives. After some time when we were in LDR mode he would ignore my calls and I have no idea why and that was that. Whatever. Anyways I haven’t talked to him in like 4 and some months since that happened and it's really bugging me. (He can’t contact me)

 

This guy is like family and I don’t want it to be weird between us when we see each other again. I just want us to be cool and to have fun together like normal. I was planning on never talking to him again until I see him but I don’t want the awkward moments and what he did to ruin it completely for us so I thought maybe I could try calling him again so we could just get everything out in the open and get off the phone cool with each other. I don’t want a relationship with him right now because I don’t like LDRs and even if everything is cool with us, I won’t be in contact with him until we see each other again but it would just be nice to know where we stand.

 

I know it may not go as planned and it could be a disaster but it can’t be worse than being ignored and hung up on, so whatever. I’m just tired of thinking about it all the time and how it would be when we see each other again and all that. I just want to move on and I know I can’t unless I know where he and I stand with each other. I thought I could wait until I see him again but the stress of it is too much. Just want it over and done with it. He is either cool with me or not.

 

One phone call. Too see how it goes. He ignores me, that’s it. He tells me never to call him. That’s it. We talk. That’s it. It’s cool between us, that’s it. Only one phone call that he actually picks up. Good idea or not?

 

 

Thanks.

[Touche]

I would like your input on this:

 

Me and this guy have been together for a short while before it ended up becoming an LDR. It was the best time of our lives. After some time when we were in LDR mode he would ignore my calls and I have no idea why and that was that. Whatever. Anyways I haven’t talked to him in like 4 and some months since that happened and it's really bugging me. (He can’t contact me)

 

This guy is like family and I don’t want it to be weird between us when we see each other again. I just want us to be cool and to have fun together like normal. I was planning on never talking to him again until I see him but I don’t want the awkward moments and what he did to ruin it completely for us so I thought maybe I could try calling him again so we could just get everything out in the open and get off the phone cool with each other. I don’t want a relationship with him right now because I don’t like LDRs and even if everything is cool with us, I won’t be in contact with him until we see each other again but it would just be nice to know where we stand.

 

I know it may not go as planned and it could be a disaster but it can’t be worse than being ignored and hung up on, so whatever. I’m just tired of thinking about it all the time and how it would be when we see each other again and all that. I just want to move on and I know I can’t unless I know where he and I stand with each other. I thought I could wait until I see him again but the stress of it is too much. Just want it over and done with it. He is either cool with me or not.

 

One phone call. Too see how it goes. He ignores me, that’s it. He tells me never to call him. That’s it. We talk. That’s it. It’s cool between us, that’s it. Only one phone call that he actually picks up. Good idea or not?

 

 

Thanks.

 

You've already got your answers there in bold. What more do you need?

[LoveIsAnInsanity]

What you wrote doesn't make sense. I don't want a relationship right now LDR or not. I want to call him to see if we could actually be cool with each other. He ignores my calls big deal. People divorce and get back together. People go through hell with their friends and at the end they become friends again. Want to know why? They actually care to try and not just let it go without a seconds thought so whatever you said I didn't get but if you want to clarify please do.

[Kamille]

You have no idea why the calls stopped at all?

 

Were you guys just dating before he moved? Was it just casual?

 

But you say yourself that he ignores your calls... What would trying to get in touch with him acheive, when you're feeling this tortured, other then to make you feel down even more?

 

You have no idea why the calls stopped. It sounds to me like he might have met someone else. It would have been courteous of him to let you know why things ended, even more courteous for him to return your calls, but maybe this is his way of leaving the door open somehow. If I were you I would focus on moving on.

[Touche]

Thank you, Kamille. It's obvious that you expressed yourself better than I did. That's exactly what I was trying to say.

 

Love, your example about friends is a bad one. Friends aren't the same as lovers. He dumped you to be quite honest. Why crawl back to him? You don't even want a LD relationship so what's the point?

 

Why do you want to call him and humiliate yourself for?

 

That would be one awkward call, don't you think? You're going to make him tell you why he dumped you? And what if he all of a sudden says, "Oh, ok, hi love..let's be friends now." Is that acceptable to you? If it is, then you're a doormat, not a goddess. And he'll shyt on you again.

 

Sorry, you don't like my harsh truth but I was only trying to help. Obviously I didn't tell you want you want to hear. So go call him and humiliate yourself.

 

I really was only trying to help. Been there, done that, honey.

 

I wish you good luck.

[jcster]

You said that he can't contact you. Why is that? If he can't contact you, how could he call you back in the first place?

[amber1]

You said that he can't contact you. Why is that? If he can't contact you, how could he call you back in the first place?

 

Lol, I was wondering the same thing.

[Touche]

I don't even know where to begin with this so I won't. You were dumped. We've all been dumped before. You're in denial though. He wants nothing to do with you. How old are you? No offense but you seem a little clueless.

 

What good will come of you calling him if you don't even want to be friends with him. You want to be "cool" with him? What does that mean?

 

I don't get this at all. It makes no sense. You laugh at what I have to say. That's fine.

 

Go call him. See if you don't make a fool of yourself. I was trying to save you from that but you're not going to listen. So please. Go call the guy. See if he talks to you this time. See if he's "cool" with you.

 

I'm sorry. I really tried to help. Guess you'll have to learn the hard way. Oh well...

[Kamille]

Love, I understand where you are because I was in pretty much the same boat as you not a year ago, obsessing about running into a guy I thought I was meant to be with when I got back home. I wanted to contact him so bad, I wanted to make things all right, get them in the clear and be cool. In fact, this is nearly my own motto in life:

 

I’m not a doormat and its funny you said that because it cracked me up good. The thing is I’m more of a lets forget about it and move on type of person. You do shyt, I do shyt, we all do shyt but at the end of the day we could be friends.

 

But you know what? Some things are harder to just forget then others, especially when it is you, not him, that has to do the forgetting. He was rude to you, not the opposite. It's not like he has to forget about anything. You're the one looking for closure and I guess all I am saying (as well as everyone else here), is that unfortunately, and this I know from experience, he isn't the one who will grant it.

 

For the record he can’t contact me because I have a new number, which he doesn’t know long story and we don’t do e-mail so yea. And by the way he doesn’t necessarily ignore my calls. Like his phone was turned off for awhile. Then he turned it back on because he answered his phone the couple times I tried calling him. The thing is he goes helloooo a million times despite me saying my name then gets all silent then tells me he can hear me and then hangs up. If I call right back he answers but then hangs up and turns his phone off….. huh??? It’s weird actually. From that point on I quit trying lol.

 

lol???!!! Ah man, I don't think that this is funny at all. I've seen a friend of mine do this exact same thing to one of her friends because she didn't want to invite her to a party. There is a remote chance that the lines were defectuous every time. But you do realize that that chance i incredibly remote, especially considering all the other signs he has given you that point to the fact that you shouldn't bother with this guy anymore... I know, you say he is like family to you.... Then please realize that he is the one acting rude and he is the one who has to make it up to you.

 

Yes this leaves you dealing with your own emotions on your own. But honey, this guy is acting like a jerk. Sure people do shyt. They always have their own reasons. It doesn't make him, my ex or me (the times I've not be foward with people) a bad person. But it doesn't mean what he is doing to you is acceptable.

 

I know it's a torturous process to go through, but it will all make sense eventually. I ran into my ex this summer a couple of times... Fortunately, by that time I had pretty much forgotten all about him. the first time was dramatically uneventful. We said hello and that's it. After, we met for coffee and I realized that what my friends had been saying about him all along was right: he was acting like quite the narcissist. Not only that, but I also realized that this man is a drama queen. Now, I am thankful that things turned out the way they did.

 

ps: I went and pulled out a thread I started on the subject back then... maybe some of the advice there can help you. And even though I did try to get in touch with him and he eventually replied, everyone was right about one thing: nothing he could ever say or do gave me that sense of closure I was craving. Only time did. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t102480/

[Diplok]

I don't even know where to begin with this so I won't. You were dumped. We've all been dumped before. You're in denial though. He wants nothing to do with you. How old are you? No offense but you seem a little clueless.

 

What good will come of you calling him if you don't even want to be friends with him. You want to be "cool" with him? What does that mean?

 

I don't get this at all. It makes no sense. You laugh at what I have to say. That's fine.

 

Go call him. See if you don't make a fool of yourself. I was trying to save you from that but you're not going to listen. So please. Go call the guy. See if he talks to you this time. See if he's "cool" with you.

 

I'm sorry. I really tried to help. Guess you'll have to learn the hard way. Oh well...

 

 

Good advice. To the OP, If I were you i would listen to the advice you have been given in this thread. It is golden.

[LoveIsAnInsanity]

I was dumped. He hates me; fine. He doesn’t want anything to do with me; fine. He’s over me; fine. He never wants to talk, look, or be near me again; fine. Whatever.

 

 

The thing is I’m fighting myself. I’m telling myself forget about him, move on, and all this but nothing’s happening. I ask myself why and the answer is that I’m still holding on to that little hope that everything’s going o be fine. I want to let go of this hope and just move on. I want him to tell me to eff off and mean it. I just want to get on with my life. How do I do this? And time isn’t working. It’s been awhile now and I know until I meet him again I’m going to be feeling this way. I just want to get on with my life and not have him hanging over me and my emotions. I wish I never met him to tell you the truth.

 

I am not clueless but I might still be in denial. I don’t know.

 

I won’t call him though. I see that now. It won’t do me any good in the long run no matter how great our convo turned out.

 

I guess I just wanted it to be done. I wanted to stop feeling this way and I thought if I call him that would be it. But I guess not. That’s okay though. I will do what I have been doing. Trying to move on.

 

If you guys could help me, I’d really appreciate it.

 

Thanks.

[Touche]

Love, what you're feeling is completely normal. Hey, we've all been there. If you run in to him the best thing you can do is hold your head high, be polite, don't let him see that you're upset.

 

In time you will move on. Give yourself your own closure. You're a strong, feisty girl. I can tell. So you can do this.

 

Just come here and vent and whine all you want. Get it out of your system but don't call.

 

You'll be ok.

[LoveIsAnInsanity]

Thanks everyone.

 

So say we see each other again how am I supposed to act???

How do you think he will be towards me? It seems like you all have more experience with this stuff and I hate surprises so I'd like to have a little 411 on this. I know nothings definite and anything could happen but still what do you guys think. This is the only thing thats bugging me the most, just how we will be when we see each other again...

 

If it was any other guy I wouldn't be obsessing but this guy is like family and it sucks!!!!!!!!

[Touche]

My guess is that he'll either try to avoid you or if he doesn't, he'll act like nothing at all is wrong. Just go with the flow. If he avoids you, don't go looking for him, just act like he's not there. If he approaches you and talks to you, act like nothing in the world is wrong and that you're doing just great.

[LoveIsAnInsanity]

Yea??? Thats what I think too. So no matter what, I should wait for him to start whatever it is. If he talks to me then I talk to him. If he avoids or ignores me then I do the same. So I don't EVER start something unless he does first? Do you think what happened will ever come up though?

 

On another note, which I forgot to mention is that this all happened after we had a phone conversation. It was intense but good intense if you know what I mean but then it turned to a talk about our feelings and all that and maybe it scared him or whatever. Its just weird to me because it happened like right after we talked like right after! I don't know if this changes anything but it could be good to know.

 

Thank you so much for helping me out. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.

[Kamille]

Does anybody else you know get any news from him? I'm just wondering if we know for sure that he is good and healthy on his side of the pond.

 

When do you expect he might be back? Is he coming back in September for school?

 

About the talk you two had... It sounds like you are saying that he vanished right after you two reached a very deep level of intimacy. Unfortunately, this is often where people freak out if they are going to freak out. And I know for a fact that this is when it hurts the most to be left stranded.

 

Loveisinsanity I am so sorry you had to go through this. I swear I wouldn't wish it on my worst ennemy.

 

Like you, I focused a lot of energy trying to figure out how I should act once I ran into my ex again. I imagined many various types of scenarios depending on my mood, and some of them really helped me feel better. Like imagining that I would be over him, happy and glowing and that he would act befuddled.

 

Actually running into him was very anticlimatic. We said hello. He acted like nothing had happened. I was preoccupied about something else and it felt like: ah f*ck, and to top it all, I run into him!

 

The scenarios actually helped me I think. Another thing I did was to project myself somewhere far in the future when I knew for sure I would be over him. We broke up in september so I would tell myself: well, by the time I hit the beach in July, I will be over him; thoughts of him will no longer cross my mind. And I was over him. I don't think I'll ever be fully able to trust this guy again, but by now this doesn't bother me at all.

[VIP]

Try to move on, you don't need to hear anything else from him. His actions speak louder than words. And why worry if you meet him again or not? You deserve better than that, so just try to let it go. He is not the person you thought he was.

[LoveIsAnInsanity]

I’m just a bit confused. I’m over it. I just can’t do this anymore. I’m so broken hearted it’s sad. There are other guys out there for me. Guys who won’t do this to me. First time I ever felt that there might be someone out there better for me. I just want this hurt to go away. Calling him won’t achieve that. I know. But what else is there to do? I really don’t want to call him. I don’t want to see him, be reminded of him, or think of him. I’m so disappointed in all of this. I just don’t understand any of it. It’s so hard for me to leave it like this but at the same time I don’t want to call him.

 

Like I’m strong one day. Weak the other day. I’m just waiting for that day where a whole week will go by without hurting. Like I’m done. I’m done but I’m so sad that I’m done. I want him to be a part of my life. I want us to be together but I’m so hurt. My emotions are just too much. I want to be in love. I want to be in a relationship. I want him but I don’t.

 

I know I would tell my best friend to call him and get it over with. But would I tell myself that i'm not so sure. To tell you the truth I'm scared, so calling him is a huge dilemma. I go back and forth. I fight for it and fight against it. I'm just so angry. I want to call him and tell him how disrespectful he has been and that we're done. That I'm through with him. I want to do that for me. I don't give a shyt what he thinks of me anymore. I'm done. What do you think? Please loveshackers what would you do for real!!

[birdie]

Hi Love, I think it may help if I put this in a different perspective for you.

 

I think the issue is now about you and not about this guy. You want to call him partly because you want to vent your anger at him for letting you down. Yes he was a jerk, immature and very selfish but you cannot change somebody and it is good that you found out early on rather than in a more serious situation.

 

What you need to find is a way to deal with this without involving him, without feeling that you need him to validate your feelings of frustration.

[VIP]

There is no quick solution to this pain. But you will probably heal in a few months. In the meantime talk to other guys, that will help you to stop thinking about him, even if it's for a short time. Do something for yourself, buy yourself new clothes, go out, go driving, walking, read, work on yourself. All this will help you to become a stronger and wiser person. Everything that happens to us happens for a reason, and there is a lesson to be learnt from this experience. It cannot get worse now, it can only get better. If he acts like this towards you, that means he never cared, and if he said he did, he lied.