Hurt & Alone Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Ok, I have been sitting here reading this forum and chime in every so often. Anyways a few posts have reminded me of the things I have doen/said in the past few weeks. So, I figured I would share them with everyone. To anyone here that does not know my story I had entered into an A with a MM whom was also the Department Manager where I work and his W found out and contacted me on June 3 (I will always remember this day like my own birthday). It ended because she found out. He went out of his way to see me when ever he could and I mean literally out his way 50 miles each way. I am still having a very hard time accpeting the things he said to me when we were together to him flipping a light switch and acting like there were never any feelings. Yes, I still work there and have to at least for the next year so, leaving at the moment is not an option. Three weeks ago I went out kinda of early with my immediate supervisor and his fiance and had a few drinks. I returned to work to get my vehicle and he was still there. I sat down to talk with him. I have a tendency not to hold anything back when I have been drinking. Anyway, we ended up going to the parking lot to leave togther and I had the uncontrollable urge to touch him. So as I spoke to him on how much I missed him and how much he meant to me I put my hands on his face (while still talking). He then scooted away from me and had this disgust look on his face. I stated to him that I was not going to hurt him not kiss him anything. i just felt the need to touch him. I bring this up because of the touching the face thing. I did not think I was invading his privacy, if anything things we did while we were together seems to be more of an invasion to me. I called and left a message apologizing right after on his work phone telling him that I am sorry if I invaded his space eventhough his reaction pissed me off to no end. Last week I had a function that I had to leave early from work. My immediate sup was ok with it and does not care to much what I do because I take care of my own work and his as well (he has it easy bc I take care of everything). I looked phenominal (not to brag). I went into XMM's office to discuss work related issues which involved him needing to make a decsion on a situation. I left his office hurt bc everyone had given me compliments all day and you would think he would have said something nice, but he didnt. How can a person go from telling you are one sexy woman to acting like you are a toad. Story continuing, as I was leaving he was around other co-workers when I said goodbye I am leaving now. he acted surprised that I was leaving. He said "Where are you going so early?" My response "I told you early and my immidate sup is already aware". He then made a remark in front of everyone "I hope you are using your per time". I stormed off pissed bc we had an agreement that all my personal affairs would be handled through imm sup and he said in front of a co-worker that I take he is flirtting with, or at least that is waht it looks like in my eyes. I called him from my cell and he didnt answer. i then called him froma work ext and he answered. i layed into him for about 5 mins about how could he try and embarass me that way, he didnt have to make it an apparent that there is nothing between us and he didnt need to show off in front of his girlfriend etc. The conversation then turned mushy on my end and told him I do not understand how a person can go from what we had to this. I told him that I would be better off if I could still share the emothional A with him with the understand that we would never see each other outside of work and never touch again and I would be ok with that bc it beats feeling like this. He stated that he couldnt do that bc it was like having a piece of fruit placed in front of him and being told he cant touch it. He then said it was a nutty idea and this forum would tell me that it is not logical (yes I told him that I am here but he will never come here and he does not know my name. I also thought if he came here and read he could understand the emotions OW go through during and after an A). Today he walks by me and says YOU with a nasty look. I reply what and he says nothing. It is obvious I have done something to upset him so I went into his office and asked again after a little pleading he told me he received a few phone calls over the weekend that were called restricted and his w started on him again. It wasnt me, and I explained this to him. He said he believed me but acted differently. At the end of the day I went into the office about his attitidue again and he replies I have no fu..ing attitidue and I replied you do have a fu..ing attidtude. We then got off topic and started talking about what we had for dinner and what was planned that night for dinner. He then added he was having a roast and he is being treated like a King at home. WTF I did not want to hear this especially after last week when he said he would be luck to be on a short leash, he is not even given that luxury. Ended up leaving pissed again. i dont know why I cant just stay pissed at him. After getting mad I feel bad for it immediatly after and it starts all over again. Maybe I have lost my mind. This has never been the way I handled situations in the past. i dont know why this time with this person it is any different than anyone else. Anyway, thanks just needed to put this out there and rant about it.
simplegirl Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 I can't explain why you can't stay mad at him because I have the same issue. My friends say I turn to jello around him. I can tell you that in your particular situation my advice is to stay strong and stand your ground. No matter how much "gush" you want to talk about try your hardest not to go there. It will just bring heartache when it's all said and done. One thing I have learned from reading these posts is that men seem to have that ability to flip the switch when the W finds out. Stay strong!!!
smoochygirl Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 He is trying his best to be faithful to his W now and you are really not helping him. You will only get hurt if you continue doing this. You should stop calling him for the sake of you and his family. I also think he is not in love with you anymore because of the way he acts towards you. I hope you feel better and maybe start dating another man. Im sorry you are hurt, Im sure his wife is hurt too because of him being unfaithful, i think he is trying to make up to his wife now. so do yourself a favor and avoid him.
sadbuttrue Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 i think you should leave him alone as well. it sounds like he is done and it will only cause you more pain if you try to stay in his life. you should ignore him and act like you dont give a crap what he does. if you stay away long enough maybe he will notice what he has lost.
Author Hurt & Alone Posted August 28, 2007 Author Posted August 28, 2007 He is trying his best to be faithful to his W now and you are really not helping him. You will only get hurt if you continue doing this. You should stop calling him for the sake of you and his family. I also think he is not in love with you anymore because of the way he acts towards you. I hope you feel better and maybe start dating another man. Im sorry you are hurt, Im sure his wife is hurt too because of him being unfaithful, i think he is trying to make up to his wife now. so do yourself a favor and avoid him. Thanks for the input but i should have put in the beginning he does not help me get over him. The reason I say this is because when I am strong and stay far away from him he makes himself appear for stupid reasons. he walks into imm sup office while me and him our having our weekly meetings and makes dumb comments, or shakes a soda can and acts like he is going to open it on me. Or when imm sup is not there after 4 he comes back to me looking for him, fully aware that imm sup leaves at 4 and has for many many years just to ask me where he is. Or speaks to another co-worker back in my area loud enough to make me aware that he is there. Or when I leave work before he does and as I leave I can watch his eyes follow me. Maybe it is me just reading into it. i know he is trying to make up w W, fully aware of that. If you ask him if he is Happy his reply is i am happy enough I guess. i am just still deeply, emotionally hurt for a multitude of reasons, mainly because I allowed myself to having feelings for him. Again, I wanted to make this post because I have read do many recently I just thought I would give everyone an update. As far as dating single men, done that but it is over after first date because they dont hold water to him.
justice Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 I agree, he's done with you so now it's up to you to get over it and on with your own life. Ignore him. Plain and simple.
smoochygirl Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Thanks for the input but i should have put in the beginning he does not help me get over him. The reason I say this is because when I am strong and stay far away from him he makes himself appear for stupid reasons. he walks into imm sup office while me and him our having our weekly meetings and makes dumb comments, or shakes a soda can and acts like he is going to open it on me. Or when imm sup is not there after 4 he comes back to me looking for him, fully aware that imm sup leaves at 4 and has for many many years just to ask me where he is. Or speaks to another co-worker back in my area loud enough to make me aware that he is there. Or when I leave work before he does and as I leave I can watch his eyes follow me. Maybe it is me just reading into it. i know he is trying to make up w W, fully aware of that. If you ask him if he is Happy his reply is i am happy enough I guess. i am just still deeply, emotionally hurt for a multitude of reasons, mainly because I allowed myself to having feelings for him. Again, I wanted to make this post because I have read do many recently I just thought I would give everyone an update. As far as dating single men, done that but it is over after first date because they dont hold water to him. So sorry you are really hurt right now. Maybe he is craving attention from another women besides his W. The more attention you give him the more you will not get over him, he will not help you at all because thats what he want, he want to feel wanted by everyone else, the best revenge you can do is IGNORE HIM. Life must go on, show him your strong enough to do that. Touching his face is a bad move, show him you can do better. I know u can.
vivi Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 sorry, dear, that you are going through such hurt. He's playing games with you. it's not fair and it's not right, but that's what it is. You pull away, he gets closer. You get closer,he pulls away. You should continue to date, IMO. It's impossible that he is the only guy in the world who would think you are sexy, after all. Everyone else in the office complimented you, didn't they?
whichwayisup Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 I agree with the others, you HAVE to leave him alone. Don't call him, talk to him at work, and if you do talk to him, BE professional only. You are setting yourself up for the fall when you 'expect' him to notice what you're wearing and want him to tell you "you look great." That isn't going to happen. As for touching his face, you did cross the lines considering he ended it with you after DDAY. Respect that, respect his wife too - What goes on between them and what meals she cooks him isn't any of your business...If he tells you, it's to make a point to you, to show you he's with her. Cruel? Yes. But it's HIS way of telling you "it's completely over." Thanks for the input but i should have put in the beginning he does not help me get over him. Why should he help you get over him? I mean, he ended it and you must know that when he pays attention to you now, flirts at all (if he does), it's all ego based...It's not out of care and respect. The sooner you detach yourself from him, care less what he thinks and feels and PUT YOURSELF FIRST the better off you'll be.
Author Hurt & Alone Posted August 28, 2007 Author Posted August 28, 2007 I guess I am relieved to get all of this off my chest. It almost feels like confession. The relief you get when you tell a priest all your sins.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 I am wondering if you are wanting advice or just a place to let your feelings out... Because you're getting alot of advice and it's annoying to get advice when you just want to say how you feel without people telling you what you should do... I'm sorry that it's hard and he won't leave you alone...that really sucks when all you want to do is be with that person and you can't be with him anymore... (((HUGS)))
whichwayisup Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Because you're getting alot of advice and it's annoying to get advice when you just want to say how you feel without people telling you what you should do... It seems the advice is just pissing you off GEL, and honestly, if someone posts on a public forum, they cannot control on whether someone just gives loving words of support, or advice. Either way, WE ALL DO CARE, otherwise noone would be responding at all.
Author Hurt & Alone Posted August 28, 2007 Author Posted August 28, 2007 Thanks GEL, I guess I was looking for a little of both. Had to tell someone anyone that I am working on three months now and I still cant get him out of my head and I have not gotten to the point if I dont give a rats butt anymore. As I stated I have been reading and replying to posts for a few weeks and not telling anyone what has been going on in my life. I guess I could have written it down in a journal but some advice is always good too.
whichwayisup Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 I guess I am relieved to get all of this off my chest. It almost feels like confession. The relief you get when you tell a priest all your sins. Just remember to forgive yourself. Don't beat up on yourself either...What's done is done and all you have is tomorrow to make things better - For YOU! Keep that in mind, k.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 It seems the advice is just pissing you off GEL, and honestly, if someone posts on a public forum, they cannot control on whether someone just gives loving words of support, or advice. Either way, WE ALL DO CARE, otherwise noone would be responding at all. Whoa! I don't know where all that is coming from... I just was reading her post and it says that she is just wanting to vent and obviously needing some encouragment and so that's what I was giving her... Yet if she wanted advice I wanted to double check before I gave her any... GEEZ...Don't have to get all huffy...
Author Hurt & Alone Posted August 28, 2007 Author Posted August 28, 2007 I try this everyday. Sometime I succeed other times I dont. I guess I have to stop reading my heart horoscope everyday because today was supposed to be pleasant.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Thanks GEL, I guess I was looking for a little of both. Had to tell someone anyone that I am working on three months now and I still cant get him out of my head and I have not gotten to the point if I dont give a rats butt anymore. As I stated I have been reading and replying to posts for a few weeks and not telling anyone what has been going on in my life. I guess I could have written it down in a journal but some advice is always good too. You're doing well...It hurts and it takes time...and there's nothing wrong with you venting and being angry at him or even feeling sorry for yourself...it's all a process... It will be awhile before you don't care anymore...you loved him and hurts to lose someone you love... ((HUGS))
whichwayisup Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Whoa! I don't know where all that is coming from... Because you're getting alot of advice and it's annoying to get advice when you just want to say how you feel without people telling you what you should do... Think that is why I said what I said GEL. I'm not huffy about it at all.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Well, how do you feel when you just want to vent and someone wants to tell you what you should do and solve your problem for you when all you really wanted was a shoulder to cry on? That's why I asked, because alot of posters started telling her what to do... But if she wanted advice, I'd be happy to give advice... Just wanted to clarify what her intent was...Nothing against anyone else...
whichwayisup Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 People give different types of advice. All I did was offer her up some advice, if she chooses to apply it and try it in her life to help her, that's great...And if not, well, that's okay too. I also think she is old enough to pick through anyone's words of advice, or even someone telling her what she should do....You make it seem like everyone was out to get her or something.... Well, how do you feel when you just want to vent and someone wants to tell you what you should do and solve your problem for you when all you really wanted was a shoulder to cry on? Chances are I wouldn't post on a public forum, I'd go to my bestfriend for sympathy...But if I did post, I would expect all sorts of replies and just be thankful that people took the time to answer my thread.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Just that as an OW, it's hard to find a shoulder to cry on and some people have more support than others...that's why people would come to an anonymous forum... I'm not going to argue... To each his/her own...
Author Hurt & Alone Posted August 28, 2007 Author Posted August 28, 2007 i do want to thank everyone for their advice and I do pick through it because some may be relevent to my particular situation and others not so. I want to believe that he does not love/care nor think about me anymore. I have asked him numerous times to tell me this and make it easier on me. He said if that is what you want to hear and I said I only want to hear the truth. So he wont tell me that he that he doesnt, he says he just cant if I dont want to be lied to. I wish I could tell my BF however, she does not want to hear it. She says I am stronger than this and I have been through worse. Usally I am made out of iron. Just not in this situation. Usually always keep my head on my shoulders and think act rationally, dont know why this is different. i have never exp anything to cause me to react this way. i guess this is why i am having a much more difficult time than it than with anything else I had ever been through. And I have been through worse, maybe I have just reached my breaking point.
whichwayisup Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Just that as an OW, it's hard to find a shoulder to cry on and some people have more support than others...that's why people would come to an anonymous forum... I'm not going to argue... To each his/her own... I understand that GEL, but when you post stuff like: it's annoying to get advice when you just want to say how you feel without people telling you what you should do... , it is going to cause some arguments. If you don't want to argue with people then don't put down statements like that... TO be honest, it isn't up to you on how I respond and I thought my advice could be useful.
lonelybird Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Hi, I think you value this MM much, you admire him; so now you want to your own value be validated by this MM you admired. Many people who have difficult to get closure are like this too. Can you imagine a picture like this? You think you cannot breath without an air transporting pipe. and pull this pipe away from you will make you fear deeply. It is so unconvenient that carry a large bottle like this, but you think you cannot live without it. But one day you get courage from somewhere, you decide to pull the pipe away, then you find out you can breath, a little bit by bit you begin to love without this pipe, this is so free Now in deep your heart, you think this MM is like an air transporting pipe. But he isn't. He cannot mark your value, or any other men can decide your value. your value is already there, only God can decide your value. Find out your value, not from men, it is freedom just another angel of view
GreenEyedLady Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 I wish I could tell my BF however, she does not want to hear it. She says I am stronger than this and I have been through worse. Usally I am made out of iron. Just not in this situation. Usually always keep my head on my shoulders and think act rationally, dont know why this is different. i have never exp anything to cause me to react this way. i guess this is why i am having a much more difficult time than it than with anything else I had ever been through. And I have been through worse, maybe I have just reached my breaking point. You are going to be all right...It hurts but it will get better, it just takes time... (((HUGS)))
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