mental_traveller Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 I dont plan on getting divorced NO newlyweds plan on getting divorced. Yet half do. That should tell you something.
norajane Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 You should, however, be able to trust and have complete faith in your spouse - the person you're committing your LIFE to - to not be the kind of person to take more than what they have contributed to the marriage if it ever does end. Without that trust and faith, there is no marriage. With that trust and faith, there is no need for a prenup. Yes, you should be able to trust and have complete faith in your spouse. However, as we all know, it doesn't always work out that way, does it? If I get married, I would absolutely want to protect the assets I've accumulated in case my faith and trust in my husband-to-be is betrayed. If he ends up breaking my trust and having an affair 10 years down the line, I would want to divorce his ass and know that I can walk away with what I brought into the marriage - my investments, my 401(k), my car, my cash - intact. It's all 'ours' when we marry and I'm happy to share, but if he starts thinking of only himself - as in the case of an affair - then I want what was mine to be legally mine in case he turns out to be a louse in more ways than one.
mental_traveller Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 You should, however, be able to trust and have complete faith in your spouse - the person you're committing your LIFE to - to not be the kind of person to take more than what they have contributed to the marriage if it ever does end. Without that trust and faith, there is no marriage. With that trust and faith, there is no need for a prenup. How do you know you can have complete faith in your spouse, when half of marriages end in divorce, and even more have adultery or other unacceptable conduct? If it was possible to judge with accuracy the future trustworthiness of your spouse, then no one would get divorced or cheat, would they? The prudent realist accepts that although they trust their partner now, there is always the regrettable chance that they will betrayed. Thus is makes sense to plan for this possibility, in the same way you plan for other unlikely but possible events.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 NO newlyweds plan on getting divorced. Yet half do. That should tell you something. Yes, there is always a chance that you will get divorced when you get married. But if you go in with that attitude, it ruins the love and faith that you have in the person your marrying. Why get married if your already planning for the divorce?
lonelybird Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Prenups sounds to me like "one leg in the door, and one leg out of the door", or like soldier go to warfare preparing to run back, oh, warfare maybe not a good analogy Important thing is 'make sure the other also have same goal and same faith', and the rest is 'praying'
lonelybird Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Of course not. No one has infallible judgement. It is not possible to predict with 100% reliability that a person is going to be upstanding, moral, fair and trustworthy over the entire duration of a marriage. If it was, then no one would get divorced or have affairs would they? Me too:p, but I trust the man who is God sent is a good one, Lord will tell me who
mental_traveller Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Yes, there is always a chance that you will get divorced when you get married. But if you go in with that attitude, it ruins the love and faith that you have in the person your marrying. Why get married if your already planning for the divorce? Well - everyone knows that half of couples get divorced, yet that doesn't seem to stop people loving and trusting their partners, does it? They still get married in droves, so obviously their love & faith is not "ruined" by their knowledge of the divorce statistics. As for why to plan for divorce - for the same reason as you plan for any potentially harmful possibility in your life. To protect yourself in the unfortunate case that things going wrong. Just because you think something is going to work, does not mean that you should totally ignore the possibility of it failing.
mental_traveller Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Prenups sounds to me like "one leg in the door, and one leg out of the door", or like soldier go to warfare preparing to run back, oh, warfare maybe not a good analogy In a way it's like a soldier who draws up a will before going to fight, and then remembers to wear his helmet and body armour on the battlefield. The only difference is that his odds of coming home are far higher than the odds of his marriage surviving
Author Lauriebell82 Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 Wow a lot of different opinions. Glad people are still responding! I guess i'm more of a romantic than a realist when it comes to marriage. I know there is a possiblity of divorce, but if everyone got married with the attitude that they might get a divorce, then why the heck would you even bother to get married? It would be easier to just live with someone, then if you break up, no harm no foul. I think people get scared by the high divorce rate, and so divorce is more likely if you have the attitude that it is, "till divorce do us part." Just a theory, but maybe people who go into a marriage with one foot out the door are more likely to get divorced than those who don't.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 In a way it's like a soldier who draws up a will before going to fight, and then remembers to wear his helmet and body armour on the battlefield. The only difference is that his odds of coming home are far higher than the odds of his marriage surviving Why so down on marriage? Who cares about the divorce rate, it doesn't mean a damn thing. If you live your life by statistics, how in world can anyone ever be happy?
Star Gazer Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 How do you know you can have complete faith in your spouse, when half of marriages end in divorce, and even more have adultery or other unacceptable conduct? I didn't say you can, only that you should. If you don't feel that you should and will trust your spouse, you shouldn't be getting MARRIED to begin with.
norajane Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Why so down on marriage? Who cares about the divorce rate, it doesn't mean a damn thing. If you live your life by statistics, how in world can anyone ever be happy? None of us can see into the future, sweets. So we all go into marriages believing that our love is forever, and OUR marriage will work even if no one else's does. And then, for a LOT of people, something changes, always unexpectedly. So there are some of us who hope for the best, but plan for the worst, just in case.
lonelybird Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 yesterday I heard a sermon, this priest said about love, quite interesting Godly love: consider giving, forgiving, unconditional Ego love: projecting self onto another, and 'what about me', conditional Scientific love: produce offsprings, the younger the better I think today's marriage fail because they stay on 'ego love'.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 Loveshack debate time. I feel like a lawyer:) Anyway, I get what you all are saying, yeah you never do know how your marriage is going to work out. It could last forever, or crash and burn within a year. That's the risk you take when you get married I guess. I suppose since I've never been married or divorced I'm less cynical about the whole thing (no offense to those who have gone through those things). I suppose because I don't give up easily, I see myself working through any problems that come our way. I know my boyfriend would never have an affair, his ex gf cheated on him and shattered him to bits, he's actually had nightmares that I cheated on him also. He would never do that to me, I know that. So I'm not actually worried about an affair or anything, if we have problems we work through them, thats what you do when you get married!
Trialbyfire Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Well - everyone knows that half of couples get divorced, yet that doesn't seem to stop people loving and trusting their partners, does it? They still get married in droves, so obviously their love & faith is not "ruined" by their knowledge of the divorce statistics. As for why to plan for divorce - for the same reason as you plan for any potentially harmful possibility in your life. To protect yourself in the unfortunate case that things going wrong. Just because you think something is going to work, does not mean that you should totally ignore the possibility of it failing. It's like not buying life or house insurance because you don't plan to die unexpectedly or have a fire in your house due to how careful you are. Shyte happens...
IpAncA Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 As for why to plan for divorce - for the same reason as you plan for any potentially harmful possibility in your life. To protect yourself in the unfortunate case that things going wrong. Just because you think something is going to work, does not mean that you should totally ignore the possibility of it failing. MT that just sounds bad. That's not a good sign if someone plans for their divorce. Why get married?
Author Lauriebell82 Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 MT that just sounds bad. That's not a good sign if someone plans for their divorce. Why get married? Yeah thats what I think as well. Why the heck would you want to get married if your already planning for a divorce? I'm sorry, it is NOT the same as getting health or life insurance..this is your life mate. Why in the world would you want to take out insurance on the love of your life?
norajane Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Yeah thats what I think as well. Why the heck would you want to get married if your already planning for a divorce? I'm sorry, it is NOT the same as getting health or life insurance..this is your life mate. Why in the world would you want to take out insurance on the love of your life? I remember how lovely it was to be young and have all my illusions about love intact. Now I know that humans are just that - human...and that means that sometimes, they f*ck up. Sometimes, they f*ck things up irreparably. Lauriebelle, do you recall the issues you had with your bf over your temper? What if that's not something you can learn to control so he can live with it? My point is, you cannot say with 100% certainty what you will and will not be able to do over the course of your lifetime, so you certainly cannot be 100% certain about another person - you have no control whatsoever over the other person. Anything can happen, and often does.
Woggle Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 I hope tp never get into a car accident but I still wear my seatbelt just in case. The same logic applies to prenups. To me signing a preunup can be a good way for a woman to show she is trustworthy.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 Lauriebelle, do you recall the issues you had with your bf over your temper? What if that's not something you can learn to control so he can live with it? My point is, you cannot say with 100% certainty what you will and will not be able to do over the course of your lifetime, so you certainly cannot be 100% certain about another person - you have no control whatsoever over the other person. Anything can happen, and often does. Yeah, I realize that. I mean sure we have had our share of little issues, but we always worked them out. We are doing real well right now, I honestly don't have that bad of a temper, my bf has really tried to deal with me getting worked up and he's done a real good job. We do work through a lot of problems, which I think makes us a better and stronger couple. Nobody can say with 100% certainty that their marriage is going to last forever. That's not what I tried to say, I guess its more that you have to make a marriage work based on compatibilty. That's just my opinion though I guess. I'm not getting married anytime soon, it's years away. That gives me time to get to know my bf even better and make sure he is the one for me.
Woggle Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 You are not the one that needs the prenup. He is because women in general are unstable and unpredictable. Women are the first to talk about commitment and going into the marriage planning to divorce but then they are the first to drop the divorce because they need to find themselves and use the kids as a weapon against a man. Women can't be reasoned with when they are in this state so it is better for a man to have legal protection beforehand.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 You are not the one that needs the prenup. He is because women in general are unstable and unpredictable. Women are the first to talk about commitment and going into the marriage planning to divorce but then they are the first to drop the divorce because they need to find themselves and use the kids as a weapon against a man. Women can't be reasoned with when they are in this state so it is better for a man to have legal protection beforehand. Not ALL women are unstable and unpredictable. Oh yeah, and of course men play no part in at all, they are just innocent victims. YEAH RIGHT!
Woggle Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Not ALL women are unstable and unpredictable. Oh yeah, and of course men play no part in at all, they are just innocent victims. YEAH RIGHT Not all women are but there are many of this kind that do exist and they have the legal system in their corner.
IpAncA Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Yeah thats what I think as well. Why the heck would you want to get married if your already planning for a divorce? I'm sorry, it is NOT the same as getting health or life insurance..this is your life mate. Why in the world would you want to take out insurance on the love of your life? For some it's a safty net or due to bad experiences in the past with relationships will make them consider one. You are not the one that needs the prenup. He is because women in general are unstable and unpredictable. Women are the first to talk about commitment and going into the marriage planning to divorce but then they are the first to drop the divorce because they need to find themselves and use the kids as a weapon against a man. Women can't be reasoned with when they are in this state so it is better for a man to have legal protection beforehand. Woggle give it a rest. How do you not have ulcers?
Author Lauriebell82 Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 Not all women are but there are many of this kind that do exist and they have the legal system in their corner. Guess it depends on the woman. I'm not vindictive like that at all. I got screwed over by my dead beat ex bf, so believe me men are capable of the same types of behaviors.
Recommended Posts