yergawd Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 Wrote a thread the other day regarding my GF, her compliments and my inability to take them at face value. Got great advice from a lot of people especially from TRIAL and COBRA. COBRA if you are reading this maybe if we have similar symptoms this could help you. Forgive all the Psycho-bable Psychology was my major at College. Just not good at using it on myself. last night (or night before, whatever) had a long talk with GF as we normally do. We usually talk for at least an hour per night sometimes about nothing sometimes about issues in our lives. Last night was a nothing night till she said "I sometimes wonder why you are with me. Women like me are a dime a dozen and you...well I'm lucky to be with you." It hit me like a truck. I looked at her history with her abusive XH, her family relationships, her past in general. I realized I was so worried about looking good in her eyes I never stopped to think about her insecurities. I never thought about the fact that she might be wondering about how I really feel. Anyway, after a lot of looking at myself and realizing what a jerk I've been even questioning her motives, I realized she has been insecure too. I think the over-divulgent side of her, in a way, was an attempt to see how I'd react and possibly even self sabotage. She isn't used to people appreciating her and it was making her insecure. To wrap it up, I spent a lot of the night talking to her and trying to get her to see all the great things I see in her. (without sounding like an afterschool special) And I let my guard down to really look at all the great things she had said to me to take them at face value. I am going to try to get her into therapy and do all that I can to boost her up on my own. But I think a lot of people's relationship problems come from one partner (or both) who get so wrapped up in their own issues that they project them on their partner or don't help the partner with their relationship issues. Like I said I am really not good at my own emotions and maybe everyone else knew this was part of dating and I'm just catching on now. Either way I feel like this issue has been put down.
jcster Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 But I think a lot of people's relationship problems come from one partner (or both) who get so wrapped up in their own issues that they project them on their partner or don't help the partner with their relationship issues. Like I said I am really not good at my own emotions and maybe everyone else knew this was part of dating and I'm just catching on now. Either way I feel like this issue has been put down. Wow! Bravo! I think that you are absolutely right. That was a huge factor in my marriage (and it's breakup). It turned pretty twisted toward the end. Too many insecurities, too many resentments. I think that this is a common problem in relationships, and most people don't see how their issues project onto the entire relationship. I'm really happy for you.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 . I looked at her history with her abusive XH, her family relationships, her past in general. I realized I was so worried about looking good in her eyes I never stopped to think about her insecurities. I never thought about the fact that she might be wondering about how I really feel. Anyway, after a lot of looking at myself and realizing what a jerk I've been even questioning her motives, I realized she has been insecure too. I think the over-divulgent side of her, in a way, was an attempt to see how I'd react and possibly even self sabotage. Hmmm.... This is definitely something to ponder! I dumped my GF about 3 weeks ago... dammit good advice always comes too late. Look, your right... she isnt used to guys treating her well. Maybe she is at a point in her life where she can appreciate that. Most girls just see nice guys as easier to take advantage of. But the two of you are older... so maybe its at that age of wisdom. Grrrr.... there is just that little part of me that says... its her insecurity not yours that you need to worry about! However... I'm probably wrong.
birdie Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 no I really don't think anybody has anything to worry about here. stop thinking too much
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