Kathleen2260 Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 My SO and I have been working on my trust issues. He did something with an ex a few years ago. Lately everything has been great. The last two weeks especially we've been very close. I feel like I"ve been falling in love iwht him all over again. He made an effort to spend time with me, we're getting along, all of that. He KNOWS that he can NOT lie to me or the whole cycle will start over again. Well this is what happened. The other night his cell phone rang and he answered it and talked. He moved away from me to talk (first red flag) he said it was because he couldn't get reception. I took his phone and looked at the number (without his knowledge) and it was a strange number nad he siad it was his friend from work Donnie. Well I know Donnie's number and that wasn't it. He said it was a new cell phone for work. He promised he was not talking to anyone else, not seeing anyone that he would never hurt me. That he was beign honest. Well the next day for some reason (gut feeling) I couldn't let it go. So I called the number. It was a woman's voicemail. Her name was Lauren. Well one of my SO's ex's name is Lauren (from a long time ago) So I was at work but called my SO. He said no it was Donnie's phone and that he was having calls forwarded to his other phone. He said it was probably some one else's voicemail adn he hadn't gotten around to changing it yet. (I asked if it was Donnie's wife's voice and he said no) Well he was becoming increasingly angry and started yelling at me. (Which he hasn't raised his voice to me in quite a while so it was odd. So I still couldn't let it go. It just DIDN"T MAKE SENSE. I asked if it was his ex and he said "there are a million Lauren's in this world just becuase it was the same name as her no it was NOT her. I haven't seen her in years!!. So I ended up texting this person. I asked if she knew my SO. She said who is this? and I gave her my first name. She said who is Kathleen? So I knew it wasn't one of his friends. Well found out she IS his ex. They dated when they were 13 and saw eachother again when they were 17. Long time ago! After he found out I called and talked to her (she was very nice by the way) he admitted that he had been talking to her but said SHE Called him first. Her story is HE called her out of the blue two weeks ago and wanted to get together on saturday to meet up. (I had plans with him on saturday) She had never heard of me. She said he never said if he was seeing anyone but she never asked as they are just old freinds. She just got out of a relationship and is trying to get back with another ex (love of her life) from 3 years ago. She has a young daughter. She kept appologizing because she didnt' know he was dating me and felt bad that I felt threatened. She said she's been in my shoes and didnt' mind me calling her because she understands. She said they didnt' talk about their relationship status (single or not) and it never came up. She siad he's called her about six times the last two weeks to talk. They talked for about 15 minutes here and there as seh works two jobs too. She says there were no plans to hook up, he says he was going to introduce me to her on saturday sort of as a suprise (for who!!) I met her and talked to her and the one thing is that he always used to say how hot/attractive she was when they dated (blonde thin beautiful. blue eyes./Well he has always said she was the hotest girl he dated (besides me) Well we met her and she was nothing like he remembered. Very nice person but now she is not blonde, not thin (very chubby) and she has a nice smile but thats about it. (his words not mine) So I think he was disapointed. Or maybe they were just going to catch up. She says their relationship back then wasn't significant to her and that she is just looking for friends. She has been very respectful- only calling me (when we all met up) and asking me for permission to talk to my SO. do you think he had more in mind iwht her?
Tomcat33 Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 Kathleen - what do you think? If you ask me he was 100% looking to do something behind your back with her. He was going to either meet her or try to see her behind your back. I'm sorry but "he was planning a surprise" LOL that made me laugh at what a pathetic lie that is. What kind of surprise is that? Was he planning to send you flowers at work? no. Was he planning to take you out for a romantic dinner? no. He was planning to surprise you by introducing you to a woman he has been sneaking around to talk to!?!? That's pretty lame if you ask me. Also, he lied to you about her, he flat out told you it was his friend Donnie and went into an elaborate story of how he forwarded his phone, he got super angry at you and yelled at you because you caught him in a lie. C'mon Kathleen wake up and see what's infront of you! PS not sure what kind of trust issues you have from the past but by the looks of it he is not helping you ONE iota to overcome those issues, in fact he makes things worse. That doesn't sound very loving to me. Did you cheat on him in the past or something and he is trying to make you jealous? good luck
Trialbyfire Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 Kathleen, you are seeing the repetitive patterns of a serial cheater who lacks remorse about his actions. Do yourself a favour and get out of this situation.
Author Kathleen2260 Posted August 28, 2007 Author Posted August 28, 2007 I'm done. I dont' understand how someone can be so two faced. He talks to me about how much he wants to marry me, makes an effort to spend more time with me and everything was perfect between us. Great sex, great connection, great conversation. and then this. Its like he wanted to get me as close to him as possible and make me so happy. He wanted to see me do everything for him to make him happy and then pull the rug out from under me. I asked why he lied about talking to her and he finally stopped blaming it on me and said he just doesn't know. He lied again too. I had to go to my parents the night after we met his ex. I called her and told her it was nice to meet her and invited her to hang out with us again (she and I now talk more than she talks to my SO) actually she has NOT called him since she met me. i think my SO is jealous of this. He said well YOU have a new friend now and she was supposed to be my friend. I asked why can't she be OUR friend. He is jealous I think that his ex now calls me at work once in awhile to chat when she's bored at work and she texted me last night to ask how my SO and I were doing and said she hopes everything is ok now. She told him he is an idoit for lying to me about her. (he told me this) He said she doesnt' call him now that she's talked to me and they probably wont' talk. He says he is disapointed that she and him didnt' have much to talk about. He said he figured after over 15 years they would have a lot to catch up on. But I found out he lied again, after we saw her last week, he called her that same night (I wasnt around) I saw the call on his cell as he didn't erase it I guess. I had asked him the next day (after he called her) if he talked to her and he said no. Now he says he knows he lied but doesn't know why. he said honestly I don't know. I'm so SICK of that answer. How difficult is it to tell me the truth???? i honestly think if she were up to it he would have hooked up with her possibly or at least developed a friendship that led to that. Now he is disapointed that I've foiled his plans and became buddy buddy with his back-up. I've told him so many times that I need total honesty from him and he can't even tell me the truth about one stupid thing- a phone call. I don't know what I ever did to deserve this but I'm done. I've had it and I'm not putting up with it any longer. I'm leaving him and I hope no one else falls for what I did.
ohmy3 Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 the Lights on Bright & Clear! (hello) he's a lost cause and you befriending her why? don't think shes your friend sure she just wants to use you 2 get close to him , not good your being used by 1 person that your clearly know & setting yourself up to be used by another? don't be so dependent on finding love in clearly the wrong place, hes a player and your playing his hand well for him..........
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