Cobra_X30 Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Well of course their past matters when it comes to arrests and convictions, if they have children, health problems and such. As far as how many guys they've had sex with (and the details) before you - no it's none of your business as long as she has not contracted a disease. Nope... its completely your business. Your talking about sharing your life with someone. You have a right to make an informed decision. See your afraid that quality guys are going to literally pass you up because you have a sordid past. Well, thats his bloody choice, you dont have the right to say "non of your business". If you want to say that... then its non of your business dating him!
Cobra_X30 Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Yes, because a child molester is completely the same as a woman who's gone to 3rd base with a guy BEFORE she met you. And cheating's totally the same as someone expressing physical affection with a previous partner BEFORE she met you Look, most people, especially at the age of 23, are going to have had some sort of experience, even if they're technically virgins. And people will sometimes do things they later regret (her make out session with the bad boy). But nothing you're writing about indicates she cheated on anyone she's been with. Cheating & STDs are really the only 2 reasons to be concerned with what someone's done BEFORE she met you. Let it go. Hey, I already said its an extreme example. Dont be dense! hoc is having issues because he thinks he is getting lied to! Does it make sense to you that she may misrepresent herself to him? Thats what we are really talking about here!
huh Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 I'm merely pointing out that it's a bad analogy because a horrible crime against a child is very different than what a consenting adult does BEFORE a couple is even in a relationship. That's more than an "extreme example". It's the proverbial apples & oranges. As far as misrepresenting herself to Hoc, what specifically makes you think she has? Some people consider the fingering type of stuff to be part of making out. Orgasms do come from sources other than penises. So what she's saying doesn't seem all that unbelievable to me. If she is indeed lying about her virginity (which reminds me of that old C&C Music factory song, "Things that Make You Go Hmm?) no doubt she's lying about other things he could pick up on. And would be easier to confront than the virgin thing. What do you suggest he do? Ask her to go for a hymen examination like they used to do to royal brides? But even that can be broken by things other than having sex. Again, at the age of 23 most people that age are going to have some sort of experience. Unless there are health issues or kids as a result of that experience or the person cheated on a previous partner, what happened before the relationship really isn't relevant to the current relationship. Numbers aren't necessarily an indication of health. One of my friends lost her virginity when she was 22 to her fiance (long term relationship, waited over a year to make the decision to have sex). Turned out he'd contracted herpes while cheating on her. Thankfully, she didn't get it from him. They were in a long distance relationship, so they weren't together physically very often, which is probably why she was fortunate enough not to get it. But she was very frightened while waiting for the test results. A woman can be "selective" & whatever other words you want to use and still have bad luck. She dumped him for cheating on her & found a nice guy & they got married & have a family together now. In contrast, I know other people who've been more sexually active & have never had any health problems both because they use protection & have had good luck. Even if someone is claiming to be a virgin, condoms and/or getting testing is advisable because people can contract STDs from other acts which aren't penetration. Plus, people (men & women both) sometimes lie. Somebody had to inspire that C&C song
Cobra_X30 Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 I'm merely pointing out that it's a bad analogy because a horrible crime against a child is very different than what a consenting adult does BEFORE a couple is even in a relationship. That's more than an "extreme example". It's the proverbial apples & oranges. As far as misrepresenting herself to Hoc, what specifically makes you think she has? Some people consider the fingering type of stuff to be part of making out. Orgasms do come from sources other than penises. So what she's saying doesn't seem all that unbelievable to me. If she is indeed lying about her virginity (which reminds me of that old C&C Music factory song, "Things that Make You Go Hmm?) no doubt she's lying about other things he could pick up on. And would be easier to confront than the virgin thing. What do you suggest he do? Ask her to go for a hymen examination like they used to do to royal brides? But even that can be broken by things other than having sex. Again, at the age of 23 most people that age are going to have some sort of experience. Unless there are health issues or kids as a result of that experience or the person cheated on a previous partner, what happened before the relationship really isn't relevant to the current relationship. Numbers aren't necessarily an indication of health. One of my friends lost her virginity when she was 22 to her fiance (long term relationship, waited over a year to make the decision to have sex). Turned out he'd contracted herpes while cheating on her. Thankfully, she didn't get it from him. They were in a long distance relationship, so they weren't together physically very often, which is probably why she was fortunate enough not to get it. But she was very frightened while waiting for the test results. A woman can be "selective" & whatever other words you want to use and still have bad luck. She dumped him for cheating on her & found a nice guy & they got married & have a family together now. In contrast, I know other people who've been more sexually active & have never had any health problems both because they use protection & have had good luck. Even if someone is claiming to be a virgin, condoms and/or getting testing is advisable because people can contract STDs from other acts which aren't penetration. Plus, people (men & women both) sometimes lie. Somebody had to inspire that C&C song Hmmm... Alright. The example I gave is Only apple to apples in the broadest terms. I understand where you take issue with it, because the criminal aspect of it doesnt fit. It really doesnt matter my opinion about whether she is misrepresenting herself or not. Hoc feels like she is. Thats what truelly matters here... and I have yet to see evidence that he's just bieng dumb. And its not truely her virginity that is in question here. Its how she is representing her past. I mean if she banged the trojan army, he just wants to know the truth. It gives him the choice to deal with it or bail. Man this whole time Ive been thinking about that song, but I couldnt place it! That song reference makes me feel just dirty old!
jcster Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Nope... its completely your business. Your talking about sharing your life with someone. You have a right to make an informed decision. See your afraid that quality guys are going to literally pass you up because you have a sordid past. Well, thats his bloody choice, you dont have the right to say "non of your business". If you want to say that... then its non of your business dating him! Baloney. Absolute, utter baloney. It's not a job interview! This is what happens when people get so used to the online dating format. I can just see you showing up at your first date with a checklist and a vial for the bloodtest. True sharing comes with trust. It's not vice versa. And did you actually say "you're afraid that quality guys are going to literally pass you up because you have a sordid past. " WTF? What do you qualify as "sordid?" Perhaps she's a "fallen woman?" Maybe she's "fast!" I swear some guys heads are stuck in the 50's while their dicks are living in the 70's.
huh Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Ok, here's a link to the lyrics for people who don't know the song, it's this part: Seventeen and I was havin' a ball Eleventh grade and "Joe" I knew it all I fell in love for the very first time With this girl she really blew my mind Inner sense and whole lotta class Style that could give you whiplash We said hello and my heart be stopped She was the world and I was on top Time went by, She filled my universe We made love, She said I was the first My boy kept tellin' me. Yo, I don't know I think your girl's been playing tic tac toe I'll ask my girl I know she only loves me Wasn't I the one who took your viginity? The look on her face read sorrow and gloom She said "Yeah, Why do you guys always ask that?" Though I think it may be innocence instead of inner sense. http://www.lyricscrawler.com/song/37831.html
huh Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 I swear some guys heads are stuck in the 50's while their dicks are living in the 70's. LOL! Funny, but sadly, much too true.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Baloney. Absolute, utter baloney. It's not a job interview! This is what happens when people get so used to the online dating format. I can just see you showing up at your first date with a checklist and a vial for the bloodtest. True sharing comes with trust. It's not vice versa. And did you actually say "you're afraid that quality guys are going to literally pass you up because you have a sordid past. " WTF? What do you qualify as "sordid?" Perhaps she's a "fallen woman?" Maybe she's "fast!" I swear some guys heads are stuck in the 50's while their dicks are living in the 70's. Jcster... why do you always make me feel like I should be laying on a couch talking about my childhood! I dont do online dating, and Yes Im allergic to girls with no self respect. I like be aware of that stuff earlier rather than later... but, its not going to prevent me from "getting to know you". Got 8 failed marriages? Yeah I wanna know before I propose to you! LOL... Guys have both "heads" in the same era... It just so happens to be about 1000 BC.
Arizona100 Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Oh my god.. give it a break... it's not like she's been in a hundred porns with a hundred guys ... She's been f*ngered before, so? Tell you what, take her to the doctor and make sure she's a virgin so that way you can hang the bloody sheet at the window after your honey moon. And yes Cobra, your example is very very bad...
jcster Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Tell you what, take her to the doctor and make sure she's a virgin so that way you can hang the bloody sheet at the window after your honey moon" ha! But has he paid the bride price? Got 8 failed marriages? Yeah I wanna know before I propose to you! Well, yeah....fair enough! But that's something that you will find out over time. This whole, "how many guys has she done it with (and were they better than me)" is sexist as hell. I'm so tired of men making me jump through hoops in order to assuage their insecurities. Got an insecurity? Get over it...I'm out of bandaids.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Well, yeah....fair enough! But that's something that you will find out over time. This whole, "how many guys has she done it with (and were they better than me)" is sexist as hell. I'm so tired of men making me jump through hoops in order to assuage their insecurities. Got an insecurity? Get over it...I'm out of bandaids. Yeah... Well Im tired of women wanting me to whip out by bank statements the first month of dating... but whatever... Its something you just learn to live with.
Arizona100 Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 The more men you sleep with, the more interested in money you get
jcster Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Yeah... Well Im tired of women wanting me to whip out by bank statements the first month of dating... but whatever... Its something you just learn to live with. Huh. Maybe, but I've never asked a guy about his income. I guess the point I've been trying to make is this: some people are going to lie - and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. You might be made a fool of. You might get hurt. But to live your life as if this is the norm is to ruin things before they begin. Relationships are ALWAYS a leap of faith. Try to anticipate every turn, brace yourself for disappointment, and you will kill it in the egg.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Huh. Maybe, but I've never asked a guy about his income. I guess the point I've been trying to make is this: some people are going to lie - and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. You might be made a fool of. You might get hurt. But to live your life as if this is the norm is to ruin things before they begin. Relationships are ALWAYS a leap of faith. Try to anticipate every turn, brace yourself for disappointment, and you will kill it in the egg. You are something special! I wouldnt use you as an example... most females dont have your wisdom or insight. Give me something to believe in first and I will make that leap of faith! Otherwise, I already know what its like to lose your family... I'm not putting myself or any future kids through that kind of pain.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 The more men you sleep with, the more interested in money you get Personal experience?? J/K, I've often wondered why that is true... It might be a chicken and the egg kind of deal!
jcster Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Give me something to believe in first and I will make that leap of faith! Some things to believe: Most people are so worried about making a fool out of themselves that they don't notice when you do. Most people don't intentionally try and hurt others...that doesn't mean they won't, but it's without malice. You're not a fool, even if someone fools you. Most people will help you if you ask. Most people need a hug. Most people are afraid of failing. Most people are worthy of love. We're all more alike than we realize. Most people lie when afraid. This is your life - right now - there's no do-overs. There's no magic 8 ball for life, but you usually get what you expect (good or bad). Is that enough?
Cobra_X30 Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Some things to believe: Most people are so worried about making a fool out of themselves that they don't notice when you do. That doesnt change the fact that you are now a fool Most people don't intentionally try and hurt others...that doesn't mean they won't, but it's without malice. Intentions mean less than results! You're not a fool, even if someone fools you. Fools are those who allow themselves to be fooled Most people will help you if you ask. Rarely with altruistic motives Most people need a hug. Or a swift kick in the pants Most people are afraid of failing. Most people fail by not trying. Most people are worthy of love. Most poeple dont love themselves We're all more alike than we realize. Very True Most people lie when afraid. Afraid for themselves This is your life - right now - there's no do-overs. Very True... live, take risks There's no magic 8 ball for life, but you usually get what you expect (good or bad) But the magic 8 ball is often more correct than expectations. Is that enough? I made some quick commentary!
stillafool Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 See your afraid that quality guys are going to literally pass you up because you have a sordid past. Well, thats his bloody choice, you dont have the right to say "non of your business". If you want to say that... then its non of your business dating him! Excuse me, but I've been happily married for 10 years and you don't know anything about my past.
jcster Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Most people are so worried about making a fool out of themselves that they don't notice when you do. That doesnt change the fact that you are now a fool. Everyone's a fool sometimes, mistakes are the way we learn. Most people don't intentionally try and hurt others...that doesn't mean they won't, but it's without malice. Intentions mean less than results! Intentions are what matters, mistakes happen, and mistakes are the way we learn. It's easier to learn from mistakes than to inspire a change in intention. You're not a fool, even if someone fools you. Fools are those who allow themselves to be fooled Fools believe it's possible to eliminate their foolishness. Most people will help you if you ask. Rarely with altruistic motives Life is opportunistic but generally benign. Most people need a hug. Or a swift kick in the pants Depends what side of the Mississippi you're from. In the midwest, it's the same thing Most people are afraid of failing. Most people fail by not trying. Ironic, no? Most people are worthy of love. Most poeple dont love themselves Most people haven't been taught how. We're all more alike than we realize. Very True Most people lie when afraid. Afraid for themselves So? This is your life - right now - there's no do-overs. Very True... live, take risks There's no magic 8 ball for life, but you usually get what you expect (good or bad) But the magic 8 ball is often more correct than expectations. Self-fulfilling prophesies beat the 8 ball hands down. ...................
Cobra_X30 Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Excuse me, but I've been happily married for 10 years and you don't know anything about my past. My apologies.... I was speaking of you as in "you girls" not really you specifically. That said, I'm very happy for you!
Arizona100 Posted August 31, 2007 Posted August 31, 2007 Personal experience?? J/K, I've often wondered why that is true... It might be a chicken and the egg kind of deal! I was being a smart ass ... and I don't have a sordid past either.. might want to avoid the "you girls"
Author hoc11 Posted September 12, 2007 Author Posted September 12, 2007 Ok, sorry to bring this back after a few weeks, but I have a new concern and didnt want to start a whole new thread. I now found out that she is going out in a few days to meet some old friends who are coming to town. I know these guys and have no problem with this at all, except the fact that I found out she may be going to visit this dirtbag from her past I was talking about at some party he is throwing. The thing that bothers me about this is that we once ran into this guy at a bar in a real awkward situation and it upset me. I did not get mad or say anything but she could tell I was not happy and voluntarily deleted his # from her phone. She said she would not talk to him anymore because she thought I was mad, but here she is going out to hang out with him this weekend. Turns out she did delete him off of her phone, but then continues to contact him on Facebook (and erases the news feed when she writes on his wall so I cant see that she wrote to him). Now Im getting pissed!
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