hoc11 Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 My gf and I have been together for about 6 months now and things have been going great. We love eachother very much and have nothing but respect for each other. I cant imagine not having her in my life, she is everything Ive always wanted. However, there has been a recurring feeling Ive had ever since we started dating that she hasnt been completely open and honest about her past relationship experiences with me. I need to go into some detail to give you an idea of what Im talking about exactly, so here is how the story goes: When we first started dating she seemed like the sweetest, most innocent girl I have ever met. After a few weeks of dating she told me that she was a virgin, which i love about her. She admitted that she was very inexperienced. She told me the furthest she has ever gone was making out with someone. Again, something I loved and respected. As time went on we started getting more and more intimate. Without being too graphic, the first time I "pleasured her with my hand" (I know that sounds dumb, but Im trying to censor this as much as I can) I asked her if she was okay with that. I told her that since she had only ever kissed someone before that I didnt want to do anything she was uncomfortable with, and she replied with "oh, Ive done that before". Now this caught me off guard, as I was thinking in the back of my mind, "well, I thought you said you had never gone past making out", but in the end I just blew it off and put it behind me. Cut to a few weeks later, I wanted to try something new with her (find her g spot), with not much success. She said not to worry, that the reason I couldnt pleasure her in that way is because she is so inexperienced and doesnt know her body well enough to know how to be pleasured in that way. A few days later I went back to try again and again, no success. I told her that some girls just cant have an orgasm through internal stimulation and maybe that was the case, to which she replied, "no, i know it works for me, ive had an orgasm from that before." Again, I thought to myself, "Hmm, just a few days ago you told me you had no idea if that would work for you." So she changed her story a number of times about what really happened in her past. Just a few weeks ago she said that she has only been f***ered "once or twice" and that she never had an orgasm from it. Again, changing her story yet once more. I feel like an adolescent teen talking about this but it worries me that she could be lying about anything and everything, including being a virgin, maybe to make herself seem more innocent. The issue is not even whether she did these things or not, but rather, why her story keeps changing. Do you guys think I should confront her on this or not?
Pyro Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 She has no reason to lie about that type of stuff. For health reasons, she should be honest with you. I advise you to proceed with caution. If she is capable of being dishonest about that, then she may be capable of lying about other things. I would call her out on everything and see just how she reacts. Should be pretty easy to tell who she really is based on her reaction.
lino Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 I reckon she is lying. I say this because 3 years ago pretty much the exact same thing happened to me only the girl didn't claim to be a virgin, simply very inexperienced. Someone who changes their story so often is more than likely hiding the truth. Next time she says something that doesn't match up with what she said in the past let her know about it.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 There comes a point where its not that important. Seriously, she's with you and not with anyone else right? I understand that this stuff bugs the crap out of you... but I would suggest just trying to let it go. I think you should be looking for some advice on how to lay it down. Are you just giving or are you getting too?
stillafool Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 Did you ever think that maybe she reached an orgasm by masturbating? Maybe that's what she is talking about and is too embarrased to admit it. I'm curious as to why it is appealing to a man that a woman is innocent. I recently talked to an ex who kept saying the thing he loved about me back then is that I was so innocent (not) but in his fantasy I was. What's the big deal anyway?
Cobra_X30 Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 Did you ever think that maybe she reached an orgasm by masturbating? Maybe that's what she is talking about and is too embarrased to admit it. I'm curious as to why it is appealing to a man that a woman is innocent. I recently talked to an ex who kept saying the thing he loved about me back then is that I was so innocent (not) but in his fantasy I was. What's the big deal anyway? Simple. We guys want to feel special. If I'm your one and only, thats special. If I'm # 110, Im just the latest stop on a long journey... nothin special there. Oh, and the whole masterbation thing is a good point. I was going to bring it up, but I dont think it really matters. Best to assume the worst and work from there!
Author hoc11 Posted August 27, 2007 Author Posted August 27, 2007 No she specifically said Ive been fingered like that before and had an orgasm from it. Sorry, should have clarified that. Which goes back on what she said initially, that she was so unaware of her body that she had no idea if that would work. Then just a few days ago, what she said about only doing that once or twice and never having reached orgasm from it goes back yet again on that. So the story keeps changing back and forth. As far as the innocence thing goes, i dont know, i think what Cobra said is true. But its more the issue of has she been putting on an act and lying about being innocent more than if she is or isnt. In the end I really think she is a very moral, innocent girl who has been waiting for the right guy. I get this just based on her personality and how long we've waited to progress sexually, but it bothers me how her stories have changed so much. The reason this has been on my mind is because just last night i was having dinner with her family and her brother said that she is a very good liar and has been known to tell some elaborate stories. He said this in a playful manner in front of everyone, not necessarily warning me or anything, but it just really got into my head and made me wonder, what if she's been lying to me all along?
stillafool Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 To be honest with you my ex based my innocence on me taking so long to sleep with him also. It wasn't that I was so innocent but sometimes when a girl meets a guy she wants to marry she will act more innocent than she really is because that seems to be what a man wants in a wife. There's only one way to find out how innocent and that's to have sex with her. Go for it!
Cobra_X30 Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 No she specifically said Ive been fingered like that before and had an orgasm from it. Sorry, should have clarified that. Which goes back on what she said initially, that she was so unaware of her body that she had no idea if that would work. Then just a few days ago, what she said about only doing that once or twice and never having reached orgasm from it goes back yet again on that. So the story keeps changing back and forth. As far as the innocence thing goes, i dont know, i think what Cobra said is true. But its more the issue of has she been putting on an act and lying about being innocent more than if she is or isnt. In the end I really think she is a very moral, innocent girl who has been waiting for the right guy. I get this just based on her personality and how long we've waited to progress sexually, but it bothers me how her stories have changed so much. The reason this has been on my mind is because just last night i was having dinner with her family and her brother said that she is a very good liar and has been known to tell some elaborate stories. He said this in a playful manner in front of everyone, not necessarily warning me or anything, but it just really got into my head and made me wonder, what if she's been lying to me all along? Well my initial point was that you dont know her history for sure. Your going to have to work on assumptions. Call her on the crap that bugs you! When she clears the air... let it go! Dont let this eat you up. You know the 3 guy rule right? Add 3 guys to whatever she tells you! Always gives you a more accurate picture, cause girls lie about this stuff all the time.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 To be honest with you my ex based my innocence on me taking so long to sleep with him also. It wasn't that I was so innocent but sometimes when a girl meets a guy she wants to marry she will act more innocent than she really is because that seems to be what a man wants in a wife. There's only one way to find out how innocent and that's to have sex with her. Go for it! LOL... thats so messed up. Like an all night diner, but when someone decent comes along... locked up tighter than fort knox! Yeah, its just what I said about feeling special. A guy always wants to get there 1 day faster than the guy before!
Author hoc11 Posted August 27, 2007 Author Posted August 27, 2007 Well my initial point was that you dont know her history for sure. Your going to have to work on assumptions. Call her on the crap that bugs you! When she clears the air... let it go! Dont let this eat you up. You know the 3 guy rule right? Add 3 guys to whatever she tells you! Always gives you a more accurate picture, cause girls lie about this stuff all the time. So youre saying that since she said she's a virgin that according to the rule she has really had sex with 3 guys? I dont think so. Im really inclined to believe that she is a virgin. Its just the other stuff that bothers me. But you think I should call her out on the inconsistent stories? How do I go about doing this without it seeming like im calling her a liar? I basically want to do it without causing an unecessary fight if i do it at all.
Lizzie60 Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 Her past in none of your business IMO... It belongs to her... Have you told her everything about yourself? Don't worry about it... if you worry, then go for tests and start new from there...
Cobra_X30 Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 So youre saying that since she said she's a virgin that according to the rule she has really had sex with 3 guys? I dont think so. Im really inclined to believe that she is a virgin. Its just the other stuff that bothers me. But you think I should call her out on the inconsistent stories? How do I go about doing this without it seeming like im calling her a liar? I basically want to do it without causing an unecessary fight if i do it at all. No, you kind of missed the point. You imagine 3 guys. Why? Because you need to get over the issues up front. It's a simple trick to force you to tackle your jealousy and insecurity, before she has to deal with it too! Of course, when she says something that makes no sense... put a confused look on, and say "oh... I thought you said ... _____ ....last week, did I misunderstand you?" Absolutely make it sound like its your fault for not understanding and you just want clarification... also dont make it a big deal! If she gets upset and blows you off or says something that doesnt make sense... let it go, then come back to it a day later.
annabelle75 Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 I don't think she is lying. She just probably has a broader definition of making out. I did not lose my virginity until I was 19 but when I was in highschool I made out wiht my boyfriend and it included occassional finger play. And ...her saying she that she is just inexperineced and didn't know if she could have an orgasm that way was her way of trying to make you feel better since you couldn't find her g-spot. Girls make excuses about that kind of stuff all the time in order to spare a guys feelings. She doesn't want you to feel like you are doing something wrong. My suggestion is ...... stop obsessing about how experinced she is and try putting a little more effort into getting her off.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 I don't think she is lying. She just probably has a broader definition of making out. I did not lose my virginity until I was 19 but when I was in highschool I made out wiht my boyfriend and it included occassional finger play. And ...her saying she that she is just inexperineced and didn't know if she could have an orgasm that way was her way of trying to make you feel better since you couldn't find her g-spot. Girls make excuses about that kind of stuff all the time in order to spare a guys feelings. She doesn't want you to feel like you are doing something wrong. My suggestion is ...... stop obsessing about how experinced she is and try putting a little more effort into getting her off. LOL... now days 16 is the new 19!
KenzieAbsolutely Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 There's only one way to find out how innocent and that's to have sex with her. Go for it! :lmao:
Author hoc11 Posted August 27, 2007 Author Posted August 27, 2007 Thanks for all the help guys. To answer a few questions: Yes, I have told her EVERYTHING about my past, which is what bothers me. I have been completely open and honest about that with her and I feel she hasnt done the same. All of her other stories have remained consistent: she still maintains that she is waiting for love (which she does love me) to have sex (we have not yet), I am the only guy that she has ever had oral sex with and that I am her only serious relationship- and the only guy she ever enjoyed kissing, which is also inconsistent. If she never enjoyed kissing guys before and couldnt wait for it to be over, then how did it get beyond that? I guess I am just concerned because I have dealt with girls who have lied to me about their experiences in the past and I dont want to be involved with someone who is not open and honest with me. Also, I do concentrate on getting her off, that is definitely taken care of. The thing is, she is so not sexual that it only happens once in a while. Another clue that makes me believe she is really a virgin and inexperienced-being so non sexual. I dunno, am I wrong to want complete openess and honesty? I would just like it to be reciprocated since I have been all along.
annabelle75 Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 I dunno, am I wrong to want complete openess and honesty? I would just like it to be reciprocated since I have been all along. Go back and read my previous post. She is being honest with you. You just perceived when she said she was inexperienced it meant she was completely innocent. That was your assumption, not her lie. You gotta just let this go. Trust me. If you keep obsessing over this it is going to throw a wrench in what is otherwise a great relationship. The last guy I dated got stuck in the same trap. I was completely upfront and honest with him but he chose to obsess over what he felt were inconsistencies and it eventually killed our new relationship. In the end he found out I was being honest with him but it was too late. I wasn't going to be in a relationship with some one that couldn't trust me and accept what I said at face value.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 Go back and read my previous post. She is being honest with you. You just perceived when she said she was inexperienced it meant she was completely innocent. That was your assumption, not her lie. You gotta just let this go. Trust me. If you keep obsessing over this it is going to throw a wrench in what is otherwise a great relationship. The last guy I dated got stuck in the same trap. I was completely upfront and honest with him but he chose to obsess over what he felt were inconsistencies and it eventually killed our new relationship. In the end he found out I was being honest with him but it was too late. I wasn't going to be in a relationship with some one that couldn't trust me and accept what I said at face value. Your overall perfection made him feel insecure!
annabelle75 Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 Your overall perfection made him feel insecure! well .... yes. But that's beside the point. To put it more plainly I believe the OP thinks she lied because she didn't inittially tell him she had been fingered before. That's not a case of lying by omission. If he had asked her over dinner one night, "Have you been fingered before?" and she said "No." then that would be a lie. As it stands when the subject did come up she told him that she had before. He feels lied to because she didn't feel the need to volunteer the information prior to it coming up. He needs to accpet that girls are just different like that. We don't feel the need to give detailed accounts of our sexual experiences. Telling him that she was an inexperienced virgin pretty much sums up her sexual past. If he wants to know more he just needs to ask her.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 well .... yes. But that's beside the point. To put it more plainly I believe the OP thinks she lied because she didn't inittially tell him she had been fingered before. That's not a case of lying by omission. If he had asked her over dinner one night, "Have you been fingered before?" and she said "No." then that would be a lie. As it stands when the subject did come up she told him that she had before. He feels lied to because she didn't feel the need to volunteer the information prior to it coming up. He needs to accpet that girls are just different like that. We don't feel the need to give detailed accounts of our sexual experiences. Telling him that she was an inexperienced virgin pretty much sums up her sexual past. If he wants to know more he just needs to ask her. Well, my point is that he has some overall insecurity issues. He needs to tackle them head on. Also, I feel there is a possibility that she seems "non-sexual" to him because he hasnt built that trust in her. That may also be causing her inability to orgasm. It could be a mental block... she is picking up the signals from his insecurity. IMHO, girls are like that... what you do physically is only a part of the picture.
jcster Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 All you need to do is look at how your reacting to this issue to see why she might lie. It's obviously really important to you. I don't think the issue is that she might be lying about her experiences, it's that you have an impression of her as innocent that is very important to you. This is purely an ego issue on your part. If you really respect her, you will stop digging into her past. Just because you laid your entire past on the table doesn't mean she has to. Stop turning sex with her into some sort of twisted purity test.
Author hoc11 Posted August 27, 2007 Author Posted August 27, 2007 Im more worried that if she lies about things like this, it may be an indicator of things to come. It makes me feel that if these things are lies, then I dont know who she truly is. Maybe she was desperate to be with somone in the beginning, saw that I liked less experienced girls, and painted this elaborate picture of herself as being a completely innocent girl, etc. I mean she says she has never been drunk or done a drug in her life, yet I have found pictures of her at bars holding shots in her hand. The point im getting at is if these are lies, then everything could be a lie and im with someone who is really a total stranger. Not something i want.
jcster Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 The point im getting at is if these are lies, then everything could be a lie and im with someone who is really a total stranger. Not something i want. I can see your point. But, that's the case with anyone that you go out with. There's no guarantee that anything that anyone says is true. If everything she said about her past is a lie, does that change who she is now? You really should sit down and talk to her about your doubts. If you let this go on much longer, your paranoia is going to destroy ya.
yergawd Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 I does that change who she is now? You really should sit down and talk to her about your doubts. If you let this go on much longer, your paranoia is going to destroy ya. Second that motion. Also I would think that she knows how much you seem to like the fact she is inexperienced. I would bet you $ that this is the reason she is not more forth coming about her past. She knows this makes you happy. Now does her past matter so much to you that it is a deal breaker? If so, well that's your choice but I highly doubt you are only attracted to her lack of experience. If so I'm sorry to say that is pretty shallow. If not, then doesn't her other qualities weigh in enough to accept the fact that maybe she was dishonest possibly FOR YOUR HAPPINESS? If it makes you feel better ask her "hey I know I might have come across like the past is impotant to me but honestly not as important as you being honest with me is." I WOULD NOT ASK FOR ANY DETAILS AND ASK HER NOT TO SHARE THEM AS THIS WOULD OBVIOUSLY CAUSE YOU MORE HARM THAN ANY POSSIBLE GOOD. THEN ENJOY YOUR TIME WITH THIS GIRL BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT. Or maybe it was putting you left leg in and shaking it all about
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