spoonfull Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 So if anyones read my other post me & him are through. We did see each other last night. I guess this time for sure was our final good bye. Yah, Ive said it before, but its real this time. I really felt it. He said he did want to see me but he felt guilty for being at my place. I told him not to do anything he didn't want to do. He said he feels like his mind is crazy right now. I said, you made your choice to work on your marriage so why are you here? He said he really didn't know. He said that he wishes things were different & that he wishes he was divorced when we crossed paths again & maybe even wished it was somone else who he didn't know because maybe it wouldn't be so hard to say goodbye then. He said he definately doesn't regret anything but its hard to let me go. He said this would be the last time he would be at my house & we cant just be friends because there are too many feelings. He said if we kept on doing this we would get stronger feelings & then we would be having a full blown affair & thats not fair to anyone. He was separated & all the sudden now they decided a week before divorce to work on things. for anyone who doesn't know. I have never told him I loved him but he did ask me...he asked me straight up if I was in love with him. Why did he ask that? He told me not to read into it that it was just a question. I told him I have love for him & I could see myself potentially falling in love with him if things kept going the way they were. I felt many times while with him that I could definately fall in love, he made me glow. But so now, its over over. I took his number out of my phone & we said our goodbyes. I wished him well & told him i'm sure everything would work. But that he told her about me & that he told her the truth about us & that he ended it with me. He said she took it surprisingly well, when she was the one who initiated the divorce & it was cuz years ago he cheated. I guess I thought she'd be more upset. But if they can work it out, thats great right, I feel selfish to say I dont want it to, but i think even if they dont work out years later, me & him, well, it could never be the same. He rejected me for her. In some ways, he did. I was not good enough to be given a chance, yes, his divorce wasn't final but he gave me every reason to believe it was. I just wonder if he was falling more for me than he thought & is that why he asked me, i dunno, i'm just sad, but I know I will be ok & this will save me alot of heartbreak if it went further. But i just wish i hadnt gotten so attached. Anyone, just make me feel a little better.
whichwayisup Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 Cry, cry and cry some more. I bet within a week you'll feel some relief. Sure, you'll miss what you had with him and how he made you feel, but think about the positives!! No more lying, sneaking around...Being the OW...No more wondering and waiting... You own your life now so don't EVER let him back in. EVER. EVER. EVER. In 2 years if comes back to you, you tell him "I'm sorry, I wish I could, but things have changed. Goodbye..." Respect yourself and make the final decision NOW to not contact him, no matter what, even if you're feeling low and having a moment where you want to talk to him...Don't do it.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 It has nothing to do with whether you are good enough... Whatever reason he wants to work on the M, has NOTHING to do with you... Don't let him come over ever again...and don't take his calls, texts, emails... He's torturing you and he shouldn't be... If you take his call, make it the last one and tell him he made his choice...end of story... (((HUGS)))
smoochygirl Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 Congratulations. You are now free to date a single man. You will be a lot happier women without this MM in your life just make sure next time you date make a little investigation to prevent getting hurt. Hope this time will be a happy ending for you. Good luck;)
GreenEyedLady Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 just make sure next time you date make a little investigation to prevent getting hurt. I can't believe that this is what you post when someone needs encouragement... I personally wouldn't do an "investigation" next time I date, how ridiculous...If you have to do that, you probably shouldn't date the person and you come off as a stalker or at the very least as having a lot of baggage... He was separated and the risk you run when dating someone who is separated is that they go back to the M... The fact of the matter is it always hurts when a R you invest a lot in doesn't work out... OP, hope you're feeling better...
Impudent Oyster Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 He's torturing you and he shouldn't be... How is he torturing her?
stillafool Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 IMO him asking you if you were in love with him and then saying it is only a question don't read anything into it......tells me he is looking for yet another ego boost to send him on his merry way thinking he is loved by all. Forget him and have a happy life!
whichwayisup Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 I personally wouldn't do an "investigation" next time I date, how ridiculous...If you have to do that, you probably shouldn't date the person and you come off as a stalker or at the very least as having a lot of baggage... I think she means find out if he's married......... Besides, if a friend sets you up on a date or someone you know knows the guy you're starting to date, isn't it normal to ask afew questions about the guy with your friend? I know I would! That isn't stalkerish at all. If you take his call, make it the last one and tell him he made his choice...end of story... Why would she take his call after ending it and saying their goodbyes??? That's putting torturing herself GEL, not the other way around... But so now, its over over. I took his number out of my phone & we said our goodbyes. I wished him well
GreenEyedLady Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 I think she means find out if he's married......... Besides, if a friend sets you up on a date or someone you know knows the guy you're starting to date, isn't it normal to ask afew questions about the guy with your friend? I know I would! That isn't stalkerish at all. Why would she take his call after ending it and saying their goodbyes??? That's putting torturing herself GEL, not the other way around... I know that's what she meant...But she knew this guy was separated so it's not like she didn't know or need to continue an "investigation"...That is the risk of dating a separated man-sometimes thy go back to their W's... And quite frankly the idea of investigation is just ridiculous to me because it already sets the stage for distrust...If you have to go all "Magnum PI" before you're going to date someone, then maybe you already have a gut feeling that you shouldn't go out with him and leave it at that...And I'm not talking about asking someone who knows the person some questions-odds are if your friend is setting you up with him, he's NOT married... And she might take the call because some people need that type of closure to move on...Or she might want to continue with him...I'm not here to tell her how to live her life...I'm just giving her suggestions...
Author spoonfull Posted August 27, 2007 Author Posted August 27, 2007 People have said different things about him asking me if I love him, do I think it was to feed his ego? You know, I really don't know. Maybe, maybe not. But I don't think he was torturing me, sometimes things are hard to let go. But I think I have tortured myself by letting myself get to attached to him. I guess I'm trying to not place blame on him too much since he thought the divorce was going to be final. do I blame him for trying to work on his marriage? Not really, but it does suck.I mean, he always asks me if I understand his choice. I say it doesn't matter what I think anymore because you are married. If you want to prove to her that you aren't "that guy" & you wont cheat on her anymore, well, good luck. He says he really isn't like that & he wants her to believe him. So maybe she will, maybe she won't. And I find it hard to believe shes ok with him having sex with me. And I bet a million bucks that one day, that will all come up in conversation & blow up in his face. Im not saying for him to be with me because of that, I just know women, if she knows I back off she will feel like she won & thats great, its her husband. But she will think of it one day of how he couldn't wait until it was final & all that. I'm a divorced woman & if she was smelling his boxers everytime he came back from leaving the house, this will come up. Does that make me satisfied in some sick way, maybe, but I'm hurting & I deserve to feel like that right now. I told myself that I would never intentionally hurt another woman over a man & I won't. Some people dont care if hes taken or not, but I do. I will not be with a married man & I will not be a mistress. It's too painful & from past experience I do know. I have been there, I did that for 2 years. I'm not judging anyone who decides to do it, buts it's heart wrenching. I am just grieving & I have found out one thing about me...I don't like to be alone........
GreenEyedLady Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 Think of being alone like this... Would you rather be miserable with someone else or happy alone? You'll eventually get there...
smoochygirl Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 People have said different things about him asking me if I love him, do I think it was to feed his ego? You know, I really don't know. Maybe, maybe not. But I don't think he was torturing me, sometimes things are hard to let go. But I think I have tortured myself by letting myself get to attached to him. I guess I'm trying to not place blame on him too much since he thought the divorce was going to be final. do I blame him for trying to work on his marriage? Not really, but it does suck.I mean, he always asks me if I understand his choice. I say it doesn't matter what I think anymore because you are married. If you want to prove to her that you aren't "that guy" & you wont cheat on her anymore, well, good luck. He says he really isn't like that & he wants her to believe him. So maybe she will, maybe she won't. And I find it hard to believe shes ok with him having sex with me. And I bet a million bucks that one day, that will all come up in conversation & blow up in his face. Im not saying for him to be with me because of that, I just know women, if she knows I back off she will feel like she won & thats great, its her husband. But she will think of it one day of how he couldn't wait until it was final & all that. I'm a divorced woman & if she was smelling his boxers everytime he came back from leaving the house, this will come up. Does that make me satisfied in some sick way, maybe, but I'm hurting & I deserve to feel like that right now. I told myself that I would never intentionally hurt another woman over a man & I won't. Some people dont care if hes taken or not, but I do. I will not be with a married man & I will not be a mistress. It's too painful & from past experience I do know. I have been there, I did that for 2 years. I'm not judging anyone who decides to do it, buts it's heart wrenching. I am just grieving & I have found out one thing about me...I don't like to be alone........ Hi spoonfull i feel for you. Im sorry you feel this way but sometimes life sucks. I have been broken hearted by a MM, I have no idea he was M and when i found out the truth i left him, my heart is torn. But i never want to be an OW, being an OW is a course and a torture. Now i am Married, when i look back at the time when all i did was cry, get drunk and smoke because of him i laugh so hard and just realized how crazy i was for him and his not even worth it. Just hanging there you will through this.
Hurt & Alone Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 I am sorry that you are hurting. I know all to well, as do many others here what pain and confusion this is causing you. Just remember to breath in and breath out, take one step at a time. I continually have to do this. The MM asking you if you loved him I can relate too except I loved him more than anyone I had previously been with including my XH so, congrats to you for replying the way you did.
PoshPrincess Posted August 29, 2007 Posted August 29, 2007 Spoonful, I am so sorry for what you are going through. As Hurt & Alone said, we've all been there. I agree that your MM is torturing you. He has made his decision and should stick by it, although personally if he was THAT sure he wanted to make a go of things I don't know that he would still be bothering you, unless it really IS to feed his ego! As for him asking if you love him, who knows? Maybe at the time he had discussed a reconciliation with his W but wanted to see how the land lied with you. As painful as it is, you have to move on now for your own mental health. The more contact you have with him the more you will torture yourself! Just be strong and don't give in! Maybe set yourself some rewards for each timeframe that you get to without contact. Anything that will get you through.... Lots of luck x
Author spoonfull Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 Well, it's been almost a week & I haven't heard from him at all. No email, phone calls, or texts & I haven't contacted him either. I think he is sincerely trying to work things out with his wife. I know it sounds pathetic but I was hoping for something even though I know it's not the best thing to wish for. My birthday is tomorrow & I guess I thought if he really cared......well, I guess all that doesn't matter anymore huh? Uggh. This sucks.
TogetherForever Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Well, it's been almost a week & I haven't heard from him at all. No email, phone calls, or texts & I haven't contacted him either. I think he is sincerely trying to work things out with his wife. I know it sounds pathetic but I was hoping for something even though I know it's not the best thing to wish for. My birthday is tomorrow & I guess I thought if he really cared......well, I guess all that doesn't matter anymore huh? Uggh. This sucks. ((((((spoonfull))))))) Here's an early Happy Birthday.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! TF
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