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Posted

well after days of my ex trying to instant message me i decided to respond because he kept saying dumb stuff-basically made it to the point and said i an not hiding on my computer just not always sitting in front of it! he thought that everytime he logged on i logged off--well i kinda did i made up another screen name and would stay signed on with just his screen name on my buddy list-but there were times i did log off to try th no contact thing--kinda worked he seemed worried and kept saying it was the last time he would try to talk to me blah blah blah..he said he wanted to see me and i said not a good idea and that he looks at my pics and misses me, asking me if i have been with some other guy(?) then i logged off that day-so yesterday we chatted a little bit more and i told him i didnt want to say much other than to try not to out there and have sex with someone else until you know you are over me-(i dont think he is yet)

he asked if he could come see me-i was like but you told me a week ago to leave you alone! and he said why should i leave him alone? confusion!

so i asked him why does he want to see me? and he said to see your dace and what been up with me-i wasnt sure said maybe not a good idea-he said he thinks about me more than i think- so i told him i was going out for awhile maybe later-so later on that night he ended up coming over and i said well you see me( i was all dressed up looking and smelling nice you know to show him what hes been missing-i lost weight,etc..)took a look at me and then attacked me and the kisses and hormones started jumping and we had crazy sex twice! i mean when you are used to it everyday 2-3 times a day for 16 months and then go almost two weeks without it--your body starts craving it and when you get it whoa! you want more!

i dont know whats gonna happen this time! i just not gonna say too much-thats when things get heated between us! i have a feeling(which is not good) that this will keep happening-he only thing really good between us is the sex! we have broekn up 2 times before and in that time we always ended having sex in between the time aparts!

so what do you do? cut him off? i dont th ink hes ready to make a decision? but ive known along time that i could actually be with him and only him for the rest of my life-i dont see any men out there that attract me and i scared of all the risks in meeting someone new like diseases or they could be a murderer or something!

Posted

I probably could use therapy, but I really can't afford it at this point in my life.

 

I don't have health insurance -

 

 

these things are important - and maybe if we had a little list of things needed beforehand it might help us

this is just like what i need - i would be able to do this if i was not taking care of my mental health so ...

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Posted

if you are suggesting counseling ive been going since march!

 

but i can stop thinking about the things he said to me last night-yesterday all day he was instant messaging me and then tried calling all day like 10 times-finally begging me to come see me said he had to see me-told him cant do this-makes it worse-how are we supposed to move on if we keep talking and having sex? well after begging i gave in and he came over-we talked a few mins asked me for hug i started crying(emotions taking over)we had sex and then he actually stayed for like an hour and told me alot-like how he misses my silly stuff, misses being beside me the touching etc...and that he logs on like every hour to see if i am on the computer, thinks about another guy being here and if he does see one he might do something! he doesnt like the way i dress(sexy, of course) and that highlighting my hair makes him horny, and he thinks about me alot more than i think, cant go the places we used to go together, all day at work he was thinking about me nerves bad and so on...he questioned me about a phone # on my bulletin board(it was nothing) asked me if i am calling guys--i am not, i told him that everything that has to do with us, our relationship past and the future is "i dont know" for me right now--i mean i want to meet other guys but then i dont, i really feel and thought i could be with this guy for a very long time! our intimacy is so explosive--he just thinks of me and gets horny and we can just talk about anything on the phone and i get horny--like our pirvate parts know they belong to each other! i dont know i could on and on--he says he thinks about coming back but not sure and he doesnt want me to wait for him! its just so confusing and know its worst-i dont know to start the no contact thing again or what!??

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