sharp2007 Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 you know the better part of me tells me I shouldn't even be writing this, but then the other indecisive side of me disagrees and tells me to, so here I go..this thread is in connection with my other two.. a stupid drunken one and the other [why is lost love so painful], so hopefully by reading the other two you will have an idea of what I'm about to write. I also have a blog www.whyislostlovesopainful.blogspot.com and this tells the full story. today is the worse day I have felt since she left me and terminated my child, although the other week when I found out she was pregnant once again with another mans child..well, that is on par with today but the emotions I feel this afternoon go way beyond my comprehension and quite frankly this is scaring me. I'm not on here writing this purely to draw attention or sympathy in any way..I'm just telling you world how I feel right now and how much I loved her..I sent an email yesterday to a dear friend and within that mail I wrote a simple line and it was only afterwards once I had sent it that I realised what I had written, because at the time of writing it didn't register..it went...,but she was easily influenced, no not by me..I wouldn't do that..but by her friends and especially her family, so I was losing her from the moment we met..and that hurts so much.. the part which makes me think is underlined..why I wrote that without realising surpasses me..but I had never thought that before..because looking on it now, its so very true and yes its a pain which is slowly killing me..and no I'm not playing on words when I say that.. so what does being in love actually mean to you?..well to me it means..everything..being there when she phones in tears and says she needs me in fifteen minutes because she is afraid of her husband.. even though she is 8 miles away and I break ever rule of the road to be able to hold her and make her feel safe.. to take her and her children into my home and look after her and to treat her kids as my own.. to make her smile and make her feel herself once more.. to love her like she has always wanted.. to give her respect.. to listen to her and understand how she feels.. to give a happy, secure, loving future.. to hold her hand and wipe away the tears in the early hours of the morning when she is feeling so ill due to her pregnancy with my child.. to cry along with her.. to be there for her, but without crowding her.. to hold her close on the beach and talk about our future together and she mentions how she has never felt so happy in her life.. to ask her to marry me..and she accepts.. to give up my home,my car,my career,my life,my future for her.. these are only but a few... when I had arranged our escape back in April of this year..on leaving the estate agents, she turned to me and looked me straight in the eyes and she said..'simon I love you so very very much, you mean the world to me, thankyou'.. she then grabbed my neck between her two hands and pulled me towards her and we kissed.. I will never ever forget that moment, for I thought it was the start of our new lives together.. then only 3 days later, she went back to him once more and it was over.. but even after aborting my child, which will affect me for the rest of my life..I still loved her, now to me that is love or was I being foolish..but that love was not an obsession or some other strange thought up feeling before you think that, I simply loved her like nothing on this earth..but in the end she used that love against me..and I am where I am now.. please listen to this song..its so me..http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YN4lAndjB1E thankyou for reading this.......
sharp2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 you know the better part of me tells me I shouldn't even be writing this, but then the other indecisive side of me disagrees and tells me to, so here I go..this thread is in connection with my other two.. a stupid drunken one and the other [why is lost love so painful], so hopefully by reading the other two you will have an idea of what I'm about to write. I also have a blog www.whyislostlovesopainful.blogspot.com and this tells the full story. today is the worse day I have felt since she left me and terminated my child, although the other week when I found out she was pregnant once again with another mans child..well, that is on par with today but the emotions I feel this afternoon go way beyond my comprehension and quite frankly this is scaring me. I'm not on here writing this purely to draw attention or sympathy in any way..I'm just telling you world how I feel right now and how much I loved her..I sent an email yesterday to a dear friend and within that mail I wrote a simple line and it was only afterwards once I had sent it that I realised what I had written, because at the time of writing it didn't register..it went...,but she was easily influenced, no not by me..I wouldn't do that..but by her friends and especially her family, so I was losing her from the moment we met..and that hurts so much.. the part which makes me think is underlined..why I wrote that without realising surpasses me..but I had never thought that before..because looking on it now, its so very true and yes its a pain which is slowly killing me..and no I'm not playing on words when I say that.. so what does being in love actually mean to you?..well to me it means..everything..being there when she phones in tears and says she needs me in fifteen minutes because she is afraid of her husband.. even though she is 8 miles away and I break ever rule of the road to be able to hold her and make her feel safe.. to take her and her children into my home and look after her and to treat her kids as my own.. to make her smile and make her feel herself once more.. to love her like she has always wanted.. to give her respect.. to listen to her and understand how she feels.. to give a happy, secure, loving future.. to hold her hand and wipe away the tears in the early hours of the morning when she is feeling so ill due to her pregnancy with my child.. to cry along with her.. to be there for her, but without crowding her.. to hold her close on the beach and talk about our future together and she mentions how she has never felt so happy in her life.. to ask her to marry me..and she accepts.. to give up my home,my car,my career,my life,my future for her.. these are only but a few... when I had arranged our escape back in April of this year..on leaving the estate agents, she turned to me and looked me straight in the eyes and she said..'simon I love you so very very much, you mean the world to me, thankyou'.. she then grabbed my neck between her two hands and pulled me towards her and we kissed.. I will never ever forget that moment, for I thought it was the start of our new lives together.. then only 3 days later, she went back to him once more and it was over.. but even after aborting my child, which will affect me for the rest of my life..I still loved her, now to me that is love or was I being foolish..but that love was not an obsession or some other strange thought up feeling before you think that, I simply loved her like nothing on this earth..but in the end she used that love against me..and I am where I am now.. please listen to this song..its so me..http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YN4lAndjB1E thankyou for reading this....... everyone please listen to this song..this is how I felt about her.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2dFzu1nF84&mode=user&search=
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