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Ugh Now I am confusing myself ...

sweetbutcheeky

By sweetbutcheeky
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sweetbutcheeky Established Member

sweetbutcheeky

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One thing I know is I want to meet a great guy, date and it become a fun, healthy and loving relationship.

 

But not sure lately why I keep turning down dates. I don't know if it's because nothing about them grabs my interest (but try and tell myself, you don't know for sure unless you get to know them) or if I'm not wanting to respond to them cause I am tried of the b*ll sh*t (excuses, lies, eventually disappearing) and can't be bothered to go through it again even though I haven't given them a chance yet.

 

I had a guy give me his number, it sat on my desk for a few days. Then the other night I sent him a txt (cause it was around 3am), he called me the next day but left a message because I missed the call. I was really turned off when I heard his voice (actually the way he talked). That sounds shallow and I haven't called him back yet. Maybe he was nervous but I have no interest in continuing any farther. I don't know if I am making excuses or what my problem is.

 

Ugh! :(

 

PS Every 3rd word his voice went up, sounded like a teenage girl. I expected him to say "like OMG!" at the end. LOL :p

livebuzzwords Established Member

livebuzzwords

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my voice is low like a tuba - lol

my number is 722-2745

my email is - oh u know that

my car is getting old and smells of tim horton breakfast sandwiches

my new house has a horrible paint job

the last song u recorded rawks

my watch buzzes at weird times

i have three toilets to clean but i rarely use them

there has been no one but me in my new home

i have an addictions cousellor, a concurrent disorders case worker and weekly doctor visits where i am tested for drugs

i am on two different meds and i wish i had them 2 years ago

i shaved off my goatee and now wieght 176 pounds

my bro and sis both had babies

i love someone special to me and hope she gets better

i can't wait to hear more from her about how she has been impacted - like how it felt to her when she filed reports - saw me at strange times

i wonder if she will really take the time she needs

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sweetbutcheeky Established Member

sweetbutcheeky

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Umm

 

Did I miss something? Thanks for sharing but didn't understand what it was about or had to do with.

jcster Established Member

jcster

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Livebuzzwords, you put a random post in another thread, too. Shouldn't you start your own thread?

IpAncA Established Member

IpAncA

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Livebuzzwords, you put a random post in another thread, too. Shouldn't you start your own thread?

 

:laugh::laugh:

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sweetbutcheeky Established Member

sweetbutcheeky

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:confused:
Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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sbc, I would take a break if you feel you're burnt out from trying to connect with someone. If it feels like more effort than it's worth, you need to build some inner reserves to supplement your emotional energy levels so you're strong enough to risk another hit, if things go south with another person.

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sweetbutcheeky Established Member

sweetbutcheeky

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sbc, I would take a break if you feel you're burnt out from trying to connect with someone. If it feels like more effort than it's worth, you need to build some inner reserves to supplement your emotional energy levels so you're strong enough to risk another hit, if things go south with another person.

 

Ya I think your right. Maybe that's why I feel this way too, something inside is trying to tell me something.

 

I wasn't ready to go again the last time, but got sucked into being attracted to the guy and the way he acted seemed like the real deal (said and did different things than the others). But he was just smooth I guess cause after that wore off he acted like the others. He was very late, actions weren't following his words and he eventually stopped calling - well that was also after I told him I wasn't going to be doing any calling since he was supposed to be showing me he was serious. LOL Sure showed me didn't he?

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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Ya I think your right. Maybe that's why I feel this way too, something inside is trying to tell me something.

 

I wasn't ready to go again the last time, but got sucked into being attracted to the guy and the way he acted seemed like the real deal (said and did different things than the others). But he was just smooth I guess cause after that wore off he acted like the others. He was very late, actions weren't following his words and he eventually stopped calling - well that was also after I told him I wasn't going to be doing any calling since he was supposed to be showing me he was serious. LOL Sure showed me didn't he?

 

You can be attracted to someone but not be invested. Take it slow. It's what I'm doing right now. I'm dating a guy who appears to be the real deal. Every word matches his actions, although sometimes his actions exceed his words, which of course scares me a little but in a good way, once I have the opportunity to think about it. Slow and easy sbc. :)

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sweetbutcheeky Established Member

sweetbutcheeky

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You can be attracted to someone but not be invested. Take it slow. It's what I'm doing right now. I'm dating a guy who appears to be the real deal. Every word matches his actions, although sometimes his actions exceed his words, which of course scares me a little but in a good way, once I have the opportunity to think about it. Slow and easy sbc. :)

 

I was at my border point and since it seemed real I gave it a chance vs loosing the chance if it was real, last change to invested I guess. Which I was but when he started not following through I just got to a point where I was just fed up and mad and didn't care if I heard from him again.

 

I've got my fingers crossed for ya TBF!! I think that's the key because I honestly feel that actions speak louder than words, since words are just words.

 

In what way do his actions exceed his words? Could be a little intense but still a good thing.

 

I think I am just going to give myself some time until I know I can deal again. Then maybe then still wait until a guy jumps out to me, goes the extra mile to show he is the real deal (sorry for who ever that is! LOL). I think only then can I risk it again. Has to be worth the risk.

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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I was at my border point and since it seemed real I gave it a chance vs loosing the change if it was real, last change to invested I guess. Which I was but when he started not following through I just got to a point where I was just fed up and mad and didn't care if I heard from him again.

 

I've got my fingers crossed for ya TBF!! I think that's the key because I honestly feel that actions speak louder than words, since words are just words.

 

In what way do his actions exceed his words? Could be a little intense but still a good thing.

 

I think I am just going to give myself some time until I know I can deal again. Then maybe then still wait until a guy jumps out to me, goes the extra mile to show he is the real deal (sorry for who ever that is! LOL). I think only then can I risk it again. Has to be worth the risk.

Ah yes, the patter. Get the girl to invest and then stop giving. It's a form of controlling behaviour. I know it well...

 

He's been consistent about his interest. On date #3, he lined us up to have dinner with his parents. It scared the living daylights out of me since I'd already been trying to slow it down and he had never discussed the possibility with me. Needless to say I refused the date...

 

That he came back with a simple apology and acceptance of responsibility of the premature nature of something like this, impressed me. He was quite rueful and laughed at himself. Well played, I thought. It proved that he was a mature man who could take responsibility for his actions and even laugh at himself.

melodymatters Established Member

melodymatters

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Thank you sweet but cheeky, for writing the post that I just never got around to writing ! I feel the exact same way !!! I know I like being partnered, and that it is missing from my life, but i still seem to find myself turning all potential suitors away and then wondering if It's them, it's me, am I'm being wise, am I being self defeating, etc etc etc ?!?!?

 

I also am going to go with TBF "s advice, and accept that for whatever reason I am just not ready now, and when a right time or right person ( I don't belive there is a "THE" right person) comes along, all will be as it's meant to be.

 

Thanks again and keep me apprised !

 

melody

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sweetbutcheeky Established Member

sweetbutcheeky

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Thank you sweet but cheeky, for writing the post that I just never got around to writing ! I feel the exact same way !!! I know I like being partnered, and that it is missing from my life, but i still seem to find myself turning all potential suitors away and then wondering if It's them, it's me, am I'm being wise, am I being self defeating, etc etc etc ?!?!?

 

I also am going to go with TBF "s advice, and accept that for whatever reason I am just not ready now, and when a right time or right person ( I don't believe there is a "THE" right person) comes along, all will be as it's meant to be.

 

Thanks again and keep me apprised !

 

melody

 

Melody! I'm glad that it helped you too and that someone else is feeling the same way!

 

Ya it's going to have to take time and someone that really stands out.

 

Your welcome :)

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sweetbutcheeky Established Member

sweetbutcheeky

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Ah yes, the patter. Get the girl to invest and then stop giving. It's a form of controlling behaviour. I know it well...

 

He's been consistent about his interest. On date #3, he lined us up to have dinner with his parents. It scared the living daylights out of me since I'd already been trying to slow it down and he had never discussed the possibility with me. Needless to say I refused the date...

 

That he came back with a simple apology and acceptance of responsibility of the premature nature of something like this, impressed me. He was quite rueful and laughed at himself. Well played, I thought. It proved that he was a mature man who could take responsibility for his actions and even laugh at himself.

 

No matter how great the guy had been up to that point, arranging dinner with the parents on date #3 would freak me out too! It's great though that he apologized and laughed at himself about it. Sounds like he just got a little over eager and excited! hee hee :p

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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No matter how great the guy had been up to that point, arranging dinner with the parents on date #3 would freak me out too! It's great though that he apologized and laughed at himself about it. Sounds like he just got a little over eager and excited! hee hee :p

No kidding...

 

I'm in no hurry, which he's aware of. So we'll see where this leads. I hate to pass up on someone who appears to be a genuinely great guy and pretty much meets and exceeds my expectations.

 

Anyways, take your time, all the time you need to get yourself together until you feel ready to take another chance at it. :)

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sweetbutcheeky Established Member

sweetbutcheeky

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No kidding...

 

I'm in no hurry, which he's aware of. So we'll see where this leads. I hate to pass up on someone who appears to be a genuinely great guy and pretty much meets and exceeds my expectations.

 

Anyways, take your time, all the time you need to get yourself together until you feel ready to take another chance at it. :)

 

I have yet to meet a guy like that, good to know they are out there.

 

The guy that left the message called again tonight. I didn't pick up. (I feel mean and like I am playing the same games I hate. Though sent him a txt back explaining what we have been talking about here on LoveShack. He sends one back and calls me again, says he understands but wants to at least talk once. I told him maybe tomorrow because right now I am laying down with a migraine. (have true, have a migraine but not laying down). He probably thinks I am playing games and making excuses and wouldn't blame him I guess. I just know he is going to say, "I'm different, if you just give me a chance" and I will run out of reasons besides what I have already told him why I can't.

VIP Established Member

VIP

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Why don't you write to him that you've met someone else, or that he is a good guy, but unfortunately you think your characters don't match. Something that doesn't sounds offensive, but lets him know that it's not going to work.

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sweetbutcheeky Established Member

sweetbutcheeky

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Why don't you write to him that you've met someone else, or that he is a good guy, but unfortunately you think your characters don't match. Something that doesn't sounds offensive, but lets him know that it's not going to work.

 

Well since I told him yesterday that I'm not ready to get back into dating, that I need time I can't say that I met someone else. And what I told him yesterday is true.

 

I would rather be honest.

 

He just called me again, I picked up cause I didn't know who it was from (he wasn't using his cell number). When he asked if we could just meet, that he has gone through a rough time and the same thing too I couldn't think of what to say. Other than saying ok.

 

UGH

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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sbc, if you don't want to see connect with him, call him back and say you've changed your mind. Why are you letting this guy pressure you into saying yes? I wouldn't if there wasn't some interest involved. No means no. Get assertive.

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sweetbutcheeky Established Member

sweetbutcheeky

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sbc, if you don't want to see connect with him, call him back and say you've changed your mind. Why are you letting this guy pressure you into saying yes? I wouldn't if there wasn't some interest involved. No means no. Get assertive.

 

I didn't let him pressure me, I just couldn't come up with a good argument.

Because honestly I can't see the harm in meeting him at least one, which is I guess I couldn't come up with the argument. Meet once to get an face to face impression.

 

Also there is the thought of what if I don't give him a chance and he actually was one of the good ones. (though that burned me in the past too)

 

There hasn't been any warning signs in any other way of why I wouldn't want to. He honestly seems (as little as I know about him obviously) like a good enough guy, looking for a relationship, wants no games and so on.

 

Is just the fact that every guy has "seemed" like that before and obviously wasn't. So feel like by giving another guy a chance I am asking for it all, all over again.

 

Just cause of that's all that has happened in the past.

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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I didn't let him pressure me, I just couldn't come up with a good argument.

Because honestly I can't see the harm in meeting him at least one, which is I guess I couldn't come up with the argument. Meet once to get an face to face impression.

 

Also there is the thought of what if I don't give him a chance and he actually was one of the good ones. (though that burned me in the past too)

 

There hasn't been any warning signs in any other way of why I wouldn't want to. He honestly seems (as little as I know about him obviously) like a good enough guy, looking for a relationship, wants no games and so on.

 

Is just the fact that every guy has "seemed" like that before and obviously wasn't. So feel like by giving another guy a chance I am asking for it all, all over again.

 

Just cause of that's all that has happened in the past.

If you're willing to give it a shot, that's your decision. The impression I got from your opening post was that you weren't interested. If you're dating for dating sakes, without looking for anything more, that's okay too, as long as you don't string the guy along or use him to pay for dates.

 

Right after my separation, I dated a couple of guys, who knew I wasn't ready for anything beyond good company and who weren't relationship type guys. We didn't complicate the situation with sex, either. It was fun with amicable parting of ways, the door left open for future reconnection, if the opportunity arose. No misunderstandings from the beginning, to the end.

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sweetbutcheeky Established Member

sweetbutcheeky

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If you're willing to give it a shot, that's your decision. The impression I got from your opening post was that you weren't interested. If you're dating for dating sakes, without looking for anything more, that's okay too, as long as you don't string the guy along or use him to pay for dates.

 

Right after my separation, I dated a couple of guys, who knew I wasn't ready for anything beyond good company and who weren't relationship type guys. We didn't complicate the situation with sex, either. It was fun with amicable parting of ways, the door left open for future reconnection, if the opportunity arose. No misunderstandings from the beginning, to the end.

 

Well he likes sports and voice is kinda annoying but if I didn't give a guy a chance over those kinda things I don't think I would ever date! LOL

 

I guess I did sound like I wasn't, I just wasn't sure why I kept turning down guys for no reason. Not interested in going through the whole roller coaster is more like it, and it breaking down. I want the end result of a good guy and possibility of relationship, but not another deja vu all over again, just different face. Guess I have given up believing and offers for date didn't interest me cause it seemed like a joke. Though I guess they never said anything about it when I turned them down, this guy was the only one that said he at least wanted to meet me, then it's up to me.

 

I have only dating because something deep down wants to find something special and I know won't find that sitting at home. And I think it's pretty clear to him that as of now it's just to meet and see. (coffee or ice cream kinda thing)

 

I can see though the appeal of dating for the sake of dating, no hard feelings and someone to do things with.

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sweetbutcheeky Established Member

sweetbutcheeky

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So tonight's the night. Meeting him for a cold drink or an ice cream.

 

Though not sure really why he still wanted to meet after I explained why I didn't want to. After I said I need time before dating again, gone through too much to be able to brush off anything else again. Am going to assume that any guy is like the ones in the past.

 

Hmm Baggage, trust issues and will assume your like the other jerks ... Does that sound like someone you want to meet? LOL

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