soldierhere Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 I am 46, and she is 36, we have known each other off and on for about 6 years now, she has been divorced for 2 yrs now, and recently we have been working together. I have always liked her, but she was married when I first met her, so I simply left it alone. 3 weeks ago, I made a joke about if Iwas 10 years younger, she would have to beat me away with a stick, and she suddenly said I could not take a hint, and I was'nt old.....I thought about what she said for a few days, and then I asked her out, to which she replied yes. We have talked at work and on the phone, and she said she had tried over a year ago to get my attention, and when I think about it, I can see it now, but not then...anyway, she has a newborn, and even though she said yes to a date, she has been busy, and we have not gone out..next week i am going out of town for a week, and she said we could have dinner and watch a movie, when i get back. I call every couple of days, as we see each other at work...she returns calls sometimes and sometimes not.....I have made my intentions clear, that want to see her.....but it seems like she isn't sure, signals are mixed, what should I do?
jcster Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 You should be patient. She's single with a newborn, and she works. She's not going to have much time or energy for anything. If you really want to see her, offer to go grocery shopping with her, or to the park. She's not going to get all prettied up and go out dancing, not for a while, that's for sure. So, if she's been divorced for 2 years, who's the baby daddy? Is he still in the picture? That can be a complicating factor too. Just give her time. She might not be sure about seeing you right now, and it may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with what's going on in her life right now. Prove to her that you can be patient, and you might convince her.
Author soldierhere Posted August 26, 2007 Author Posted August 26, 2007 your probably right, I just have to be patient, and the more I think about it, over the past, when I have been around her, all she did was compliment me, she has said she really respects me........that to me is a great compliment...I actually feel pleased that she seems to feel that way still. I was thinking about giving her a card or something like that, before I go out of town, but not sure if I should do that or not. any ideas?
Lizzie60 Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 your probably right, I just have to be patient, and the more I think about it, over the past, when I have been around her, all she did was compliment me, she has said she really respects me........that to me is a great compliment...I actually feel pleased that she seems to feel that way still. I was thinking about giving her a card or something like that, before I go out of town, but not sure if I should do that or not. any ideas? Don't be too 'in her face' you know what I mean... don't overdo it... I would leave the card... She is busy with the baby... and her every day life.. just take it one day at a time.. If she feels you're too dependant, or too clingy, (maybe a bit desperate)she might back off... I know I would... S L O W but SURE!!!!
Author soldierhere Posted August 26, 2007 Author Posted August 26, 2007 Thanks for the bit of advice, I agree, take it slow.........I think she is worth it, and I will probably get a card to give her before I leave. I actually get to see her most of the day at work anyways, and we can usually talk quite a bit, so I will just consider that to be enough for now. It's funny though that when the "date question" came up, she said "All you have to do, is ask", yet when I did and she agreed, I had no idea it might be 3-4 weeks before we went out,lol. The last thing I want to do, is scare her away. I just am not sure if I should call anymore, or just see if she calls.
jcster Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 I think you should call her, but don't put pressure on her about the date. You can use it to keep connected. And, don't forget that you can do "mini dates," too, go for coffee or something. She might have more time for that. Maybe you could come over to her place and cook her dinner?
Author soldierhere Posted August 27, 2007 Author Posted August 27, 2007 Here is another question, I have not heard from her in three days, I tried to call her Sat., on her cell phone, but she was gone. Now in a bit I have to go to work, where she will be, and one of the last things she said to me on Thursday, was that she wanted my help on Monday at work. I told her no problem, I will help her. Should I ask her why she did not call, or should I just see how she acts today at work? I am a bit confused at the moment.
Author soldierhere Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 here is a quick update.........Monday, we worked together off and on most of the day , got along great..we talked when we had a chance and I had a great time.....Tuesday, again we worked together, this time in the same office, doing paper work(we are both instructors at a law enforcement academy)....she got so close to me at times, I mean pulled her chair up against me, reading over my shoulder, practically breathing down my neck. That is about the closest we have ever gotten.....sounds funny, but thats how it felt to me....anyways, she had to leave early that day, so I finnished the day and then worked-out....she had said before she left, that she would call me that night...well, that never happened, so the next day , I called her at work, and told her that i was flying out of town the next day and that I simply had to ask her if she was simply being nice and just wanted to be friends, to just tell me and it would be alright, and that i was calling simply to ease my own mind, because i felt like I was getting mixed signals...She replied that she was a bit complicated and that with her mom(whom she lives with), and the baby, she was very busy and that most times she simply wants to go home after work....she also said that she cannot give definite plans, but she did want to do things with me and that she was not just being nice.....she further stated that, when we go somewhere it may be with the baby, just to shop or whatever...I told her I understood from the begining that the baby was part of the picture, and that if that was bothering me, I would not be talking to her now, I let her know that I thought about this issue a great deal, and decided that she was that important to me, that I could accept this. I am divorced, married young and have two beautiful daughters that are grown now...she knows all of this..she also stated that she felt she had a special relationship with me as a friend for the last 6 years, and she did not want to lose that either..How do you interpret this?
Author soldierhere Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 sorry to bother you, but I have read some of your posts and was hoping you might give your perspective on my post here about this woman I am talking to.Thanks for your time.
jcster Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 Just let me say that it's so refreshing to read about mature people's relationship issues - I don't have to wade through 3 feet of crazy to get to the question! Bless you. I think she told you just what is holding her back (living with mom, the baby, etc). And you told her the absolutely perfect thing: I know about your situation, and I'm still interested. So, you have the green light. You're just going to have to be incredibly patient with her situation. Any complaints from you on that front and she's going to bail. As for messing up the friendship - I've never seen a case where not getting into a relationship to save the friendship has worked out well. Once feelings are in the picture, the friendship changes, whether it's consumated or not. You really should just go for it and stop worrying.
design1 Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 i agree that you have the green light to persue her... just remember what she told you up front and that you will fall around #3 on her priority list. kids, tired after work and needing to relax... different interests and energy levels. so i'm sure that you can occasionally see her, i just wouldn't expect much time to be spent on you. wouldn't say it's personal, just a single mom that is mid 40's, and different priorities. you can't let it bug you that the majority of the time she won't pay you the attention you may want.
Author soldierhere Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 Thanks, you just made me feel better......I guess it just bothers me a bit since I am going out of town, but it is a vacation and I am going to have fun..She just means quite abit to me, and I care about her. P.S. If your still there, I would love talk a bit about her...
Author soldierhere Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 my last post was to jcster, and to design1, I am the one in the mid 40's, I am 46 she is 36
Author soldierhere Posted August 30, 2007 Author Posted August 30, 2007 thanks again for your reply, I am going out for a bit ,but will be back on here later, and would love to talk about this, if your up to it. take care
design1 Posted August 30, 2007 Posted August 30, 2007 my last post was to jcster, and to design1, I am the one in the mid 40's, I am 46 she is 36 opps... my bad man! its called reading... left to right, top to bottom, group words together to make sentences! doh!
Author soldierhere Posted September 7, 2007 Author Posted September 7, 2007 well, here goes.....I sent earlier posts about this woman I am seeing, and got some good replies. I want some in-put on what has happened lately. I went out of town for a week, and I called once while I was out to say that I was having a great time, and wished she could be there, and I hoped she was having a good weekend, and that she could call me back at the number I was calling from(my bro's cell phone). However, I assumed that she had caller ID and could calll back using that. Well, a couple days went by and I called one more time and got hold of her, and she said she did not know what number to call back on, because the call did not show a number, anyways she asked when I was getting in, and I told her that I would get in sometime in the afternoon. She then asked me if I was not too tired when I got in, would I come by her work place. I said I would try. I arrived a bit late, and to my surprise, she had waited, so she stopped by the house, and I showed her a couple of things i had gotten her and the baby, just a t-shirt and a small trinket type box for her, and a shirt for the baby. she said she loved the things I got them, but she had to get home, due to the distance to travel (approx. 2hrs). The next day she came by after work, and talked with me, and I showed her picture from my trip( a family reunion ). and again had to leave due to the distance. While she was here though I talked to her a bit about doing something this weekend, again she has things planned and is busy with the baby, mom, and grandmother. So, I asked if she just wanted to be friends, and she said she needed a friend right now and asked me to be patient, but also told me she did not want me feel like I had to wait for her. She again said dhe did not want to lose a friend, and I told her that wether or not she admitted it or not, that the "friend" part had changed the day she said she would go out with me. I further told her that I did not know where this would lead, but that I was interested in being with her, and that I had already accepted the fact that she had a son, and that I considered that just a bonus if things worked out, I explained to her that I would be getting two people if this worked out. She had to leave, so I did not say anymore. Well, the next day I get her and some lunch and we eat on her lunch hour at work, and she asks me if I could give her a ride to a girlfriends house in town, and she explained that her girlfriens was also a friend of her mom's and that she was going to give her a ride home. So, I said I would give her a ride, and I did. Once we got to the friends house, and I got ready to leave, she asked me for a hug, which I did, just a short one, and said I would call her next week, since she will be working out of town next week. Now during the ride to her friends, we had a good conversation, I flirted a bit, told her how pretty her eyelashes were...just a bit of teasing and she responded quite happily...I just don't know how to take all of this.....am I just crazy, too aggressive, what? I have tried to write down all that happened here, just to be honest and get some feedback....thanx for taking time to read this, and I would appreciate any response.. just for the record, I am a good looking man, and successful at my job. stay in shape, have all my teeth,etc.......
Poboy Posted September 7, 2007 Posted September 7, 2007 when a woman tells you to be friends for now and dont wait for her, its either she is confused what to do next or just wants to stay friends. do as she say , be good friends if you can and date other people. if she is intrested and when circumstances are right , it will happen.
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