chill chic Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 I thought I'd never say this...but I'm about ready to give up on going out, because the same thing ALWAYS happens to me...guys coming up to me from all over while I'm out with friends, one time I had a flock of dudes come up to me when my friend went to the bathroom. I'm like -what do I look like?- that's the thing, I was wearing a conservative dress because my friends all were wearing nice long dresses, I had minimal makeup on, just looking normal. Well I've known I can't even look normal and ward of guys, but I'm getting really sick of the comments, the stares, and I'm just realllllllly wanting a bf, not saying the comments and things would stop, but at least I'd feel comfortable and not have to worry about stuff like this whenever I go out. It's getting really old...and it's still doing a number on my self-esteem, it doesn't make it any better and what's worse is that married guys or guys with gf's do the same thing, and I stick up for their SO whenever they try talking to me, so I'm seeing this very small tunnel of guys being dogs lately and I'm wondering what the problem is. Sometimes I'll even LOOK like a snob just to NOT have guys do that, but it doesn't work. ok that was my long drawn out rant... does anyone else have this problem? and how do you deal?
OpenBook Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 Be mildly amused by them, and good-naturedly turn them down - then briskly walk away. Don't take them seriously AT ALL. Enjoy being with 'The Posse' and don't pay any attention to the guys. This is a great way to weed-out the ones who are just messing around. The guy who decides he can't live without you (like the thunderbolt effect described in "The Godfather") will not give up until he has you for his own. This will give you plenty of time to decide if he's your man. Don't give up on love, girlfriend. It's out there.
Touche Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 Ok, cc. I'm going to try to help. I'm not sure how to ask you what I need to ask you. It's kind of personal. I'll start by telling you about my sis and I. My sister and I are two completely different types physically. She's blonde with big boobs. And I'm a petite brunette. She and I used to go out together when we were single. She would dress pretty conservatively. But still, she'd get a lot of attention. So did I. But the quality of attention was completely different. It was strange. I don't know if it was the blond hair or the big boobs or a combination of both. Can you relate to any of this? Ok, I'lll just ask..do you have big boobs? Are you blond? I know this may stupid but I really think in my sister's case it had something to do with why certain guys approached her the way they did. She'd get a totally different "class" of man approaching her than I did. So am I off base here? What do you think?
KenzieAbsolutely Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 i was thinking along the same lines. it wasn't my sister, but my friend---opposites in every way. for some reason, i would attract the simple "hey, my name is....can i buy you a drink?" guy and she would get the "do you like apples? well i'm going to take you home and screw your brains out, how bout them apples" kind of guy. and this would be after zero conversation with anyone but each other, so it's not like they assessed our personalities and knew that i would punch someone who gave me the apples comment, whereas she wouldn't. i'm curious to see where the OP stands on this issue... oh, and OP...sorry guys are jerks sometimes.
Author chill chic Posted August 26, 2007 Author Posted August 26, 2007 Ok, cc. I'm going to try to help. I'm not sure how to ask you what I need to ask you. It's kind of personal. I'll start by telling you about my sis and I. My sister and I are two completely different types physically. She's blonde with big boobs. And I'm a petite brunette. She and I used to go out together when we were single. She would dress pretty conservatively. But still, she'd get a lot of attention. So did I. But the quality of attention was completely different. It was strange. I don't know if it was the blond hair or the big boobs or a combination of both. Can you relate to any of this? Ok, I'lll just ask..do you have big boobs? Are you blond? I know this may stupid but I really think in my sister's case it had something to do with why certain guys approached her the way they did. She'd get a totally different "class" of man approaching her than I did. So am I off base here? What do you think? in all honesty, you won't believe it, and that's what I don't get, but I'm a 32 B=small boobs, and brown hair, now it's long, I dunno if that makes a different haha but yah that's me, I'm skinny with long legs, that's about it. so nope I don't look like the "typical" sleeze ball guy magnet, ya know playboy bunny blondie type.
Author chill chic Posted August 26, 2007 Author Posted August 26, 2007 i was thinking along the same lines. it wasn't my sister, but my friend---opposites in every way. for some reason, i would attract the simple "hey, my name is....can i buy you a drink?" guy and she would get the "do you like apples? well i'm going to take you home and screw your brains out, how bout them apples" kind of guy. and this would be after zero conversation with anyone but each other, so it's not like they assessed our personalities and knew that i would punch someone who gave me the apples comment, whereas she wouldn't. i'm curious to see where the OP stands on this issue... oh, and OP...sorry guys are jerks sometimes. I will say this..when you mentioned that your friend doesn't punch someone, well I was in Vegas, this guy literally bent down and groped my leg and I slapped him, made a scene in front of all these people so he know how big a jerk he was, and he booked it as fast as he could. I don't put up with that BS, that went too far.
Touche Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 in all honesty, you won't believe it, and that's what I don't get, but I'm a 32 B=small boobs, and brown hair, now it's long, I dunno if that makes a different haha but yah that's me, I'm skinny with long legs, that's about it. so nope I don't look like the "typical" sleeze ball guy magnet, ya know playboy bunny blondie type. Well, I'm stumped cc. So there goes that theory out the window. The only other thing I can tell you is this. My mother used to say that my sister put out a kind of "desperate" vibe and that I had more of an air of confidence. Does that make sense? Can you relate to that? Like she'd be scoping the place out for men, but I'd be cool and nonchalant acting as if there were no men there at all.
Author chill chic Posted August 26, 2007 Author Posted August 26, 2007 Well, I'm stumped cc. So there goes that theory out the window. The only other thing I can tell you is this. My mother used to say that my sister put out a kind of "desperate" vibe and that I had more of an air of confidence. Does that make sense? Can you relate to that? Like she'd be scoping the place out for men, but I'd be cool and nonchalant acting as if there were no men there at all. and you won't believe this either, but I do show confidence, laugh with my friends, I'm not on the prowl, sometimes I even have my arms crossed, BUT that can backfire sometimes because a guy will come up to me and ask me if I"m having fun, of course I'm having fun, but I'm trying to shut myself away from YOU. so I do give out the "don't bother me" on occassion when need be. Other than that, I'm happy go lucky, just smiling having a good time with my girl friends. I'm even embarrassed when I'm with my friends, because they notice the stares, and hear the comments, my friends will stick up for me, but it makes me uncomfortable. and yah about the boob thing, even though I have small boobs, I'm never getting implants because WOW that would make it even worse, and how much more worse can it get? I'm afraid I don't want to know.
livebuzzwords Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 I'll even LOOK like a snob just to NOT have guys do that, but it doesn't work. i understand your pain - beauty is a curse - but i am glad u handle it with grace
Touche Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 cc, I'm totally stumped as to why you're getting this kind of attention. You must be absolutely gorgeous, like a goddess! Well, just enjoy it and be choosy. I don't know what else to say. Many women would kill to have that kind of attention.
Touche Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 I'll even LOOK like a snob just to NOT have guys do that, but it doesn't work. i understand your pain - beauty is a curse - but i am glad u handle it with grace It's only a curse if you let it be.
livebuzzwords Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 Well, I'm stumped cc. So there goes that theory out the window. The only other thing I can tell you is this. My mother used to say that my sister put out a kind of "desperate" vibe and that I had more of an air of confidence. Does that make sense? Can you relate to that? Like she'd be scoping the place out for men, but I'd be cool and nonchalant acting as if there were no men there at all. my ex has a black and white pix of her in longjohns watering her garden - it is the sexiest pix i have ever seen - its her style that vadiates remember i told u she has a gift so she gives off electric vibes - people can help when she does that and she doesn't realize the effect it has and as for how her phyisciality matches with my inner self - she remembers the first winter meeting at the front door - says everything we need to know - i could go on and on but she would kill me
livebuzzwords Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 my x had this ability to become my first with everything - like every past event never happened - she turned me into a virgin - it was wonderful
Author chill chic Posted August 26, 2007 Author Posted August 26, 2007 cc, I'm totally stumped as to why you're getting this kind of attention. You must be absolutely gorgeous, like a goddess! Well, just enjoy it and be choosy. I don't know what else to say. Many women would kill to have that kind of attention. well sometimes I wonder if I should get back into modeling because at least I'll be up on a runway, where I can't hear comments, or sleezy guys approaching me, but still be a diva and no the attention gets old, I couldn't even go to steak n shake this morning without hearing something, so it's all around, I've just tried to learn to say "thanks, have a great day" and all actuality, I'd rather be ugly betty
Touche Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 well sometimes I wonder if I should get back into modeling because at least I'll be up on a runway, where I can't hear comments, or sleezy guys approaching me, but still be a diva and no the attention gets old, I couldn't even go to steak n shake this morning without hearing something, so it's all around, I've just tried to learn to say "thanks, have a great day" and all actuality, I'd rather be ugly betty I didn't know you were a model. So there we have it. You're way above average in looks obviously. Don't say you'd rather be ugly betty. NO, use it to YOUR advantage. You're lucky cc. You'll have more choices in men. You just have to learn to make better choices. Someone with your beauty and sweet personality and intelligence should not settle for mediocrity. You don't have to. You can have the best of the best. And if you play your cards right, you WILL have that. And trust me, you shouldn't say it gets old. It's a gift of sorts. And one day the compliments and attention may stop. Enjoy it.
4Q2 Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 and all actuality, I'd rather be ugly betty Give that about 5- 10 years and you'll want to take that statement back.
Touche Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 Give that about 5- 10 years and you'll want to take that statement back. I agree. .....................
Author chill chic Posted August 26, 2007 Author Posted August 26, 2007 I didn't know you were a model. So there we have it. You're way above average in looks obviously. Don't say you'd rather be ugly betty. NO, use it to YOUR advantage. You're lucky cc. You'll have more choices in men. You just have to learn to make better choices. Someone with your beauty and sweet personality and intelligence should not settle for mediocrity. You don't have to. You can have the best of the best. And if you play your cards right, you WILL have that. And trust me, you shouldn't say it gets old. It's a gift of sorts. And one day the compliments and attention may stop. Enjoy it. thanks touche through your encouraging words, and other people here on LS, I'm beginning to make better choices, I know I shouldn't be selling myself short, and it's ashame that I did that for so long. I see it as a stage/phase and I can only learn from it, and I am, thankfully it's hitting me now and not later. I may look like a model, but I don't act like one sometimes (brushing off the bad guys) even they though have a hard time, but they know from long experience it's what they have to do when guys are like that.
Lizzie60 Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 You got to be drop dead gorgeous... enjoy... Last January, while vacationing in Cancun...these two young girls were at my resort... both gorgeous... One was very tall, long brown hair, small boobs... but those legs...my my... the other one was cuter, shorter, big boobs, very dark hair... when they were coming back to the lounger after dinner... entering the hall...everybody would turn their heads, stop talking...you could hear a fly in the room....that's how gorgeous they were. I'm sure they got annoyed from time to time of all the idiots around them constantly telling them all kinds of stupidities.... Being gorgeous is sometimes a curse (small one LOL) but just look around at all the other girls who are 'ugly' and 'fat' 'invisible' etc... just thank your genes sweetie...and enjoy... I'm sure most women envy your beauty... How old are you btw?
Lizzie60 Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 Be nice... don't be a 'snobby bi*ch'.. just smile... Smile a lot, talk to people.. don't be a 'loner' because of that... There is nothing 'nicer' than a drop dead gorgeous girl or woman who is down to earth and nice and smile to everyone around her. It makes the people around change their 'attitude' towards her... I don't know if I make sense... LOL... people around tend to be nice instead of being jealous..
Author chill chic Posted August 26, 2007 Author Posted August 26, 2007 Be nice... don't be a 'snobby bi*ch'.. just smile... Smile a lot, talk to people.. don't be a 'loner' because of that... There is nothing 'nicer' than a drop dead gorgeous girl or woman who is down to earth and nice and smile to everyone around her. It makes the people around change their 'attitude' towards her... I don't know if I make sense... LOL... people around tend to be nice instead of being jealous.. thanks for your 2 cents yah that does make sense, most of the people I'm around, like girls, some can be jealous, but usually are very nice, and will even give me compliments themselves. and I appreciate that. I'm 26 by the way, but I look young, so that's not always good either, BUT my mom looked 20 when she was 35 literally so it is good genes. and a very nice, sometimes TOO nice (which can get me in trouble...ie some of the threads about guys) and very down to earth, smile alot and a genuinely friendly person and I get along with everyone. it's just when a guy says something obnoxious is when I cross my arms, give them the cold shoulder so he'll stop saying stuff. other times, if a guy is being nice, saying I look beautiful or something sweet, then yah I'll smile and say thanks, and go about my business.
Kamille Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 thanks for your 2 cents yah that does make sense, most of the people I'm around, like girls, some can be jealous, but usually are very nice, and will even give me compliments themselves. and I appreciate that. I'm 26 by the way, but I look young, so that's not always good either, BUT my mom looked 20 when she was 35 literally so it is good genes. and a very nice, sometimes TOO nice (which can get me in trouble...ie some of the threads about guys) and very down to earth, smile alot and a genuinely friendly person and I get along with everyone. it's just when a guy says something obnoxious is when I cross my arms, give them the cold shoulder so he'll stop saying stuff. other times, if a guy is being nice, saying I look beautiful or something sweet, then yah I'll smile and say thanks, and go about my business. Yeah I get the impression that is the fact that you are visibly nice, outgoing and sweet that makes men approach you so frequently. One of my friends sounds kind of like you - gorgeous, petite, long brown hair etc. She is sweetness incarnate and she radiates it. You can tell just by looking at her that she wouldn't hurt a fly. I've seen her get cornered by guys. I don't know how she deals with it. I know that while she doesn't love it love it, it doesn't bother her as much as it seems to bother you. She is nice to the guys, but when she gets away, she just kind of shrugs it off, and returns her undivided attention to us friends.
Lizzie60 Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 thanks for your 2 cents yah that does make sense, most of the people I'm around, like girls, some can be jealous, but usually are very nice, and will even give me compliments themselves. and I appreciate that. I'm 26 by the way, but I look young, so that's not always good either, BUT my mom looked 20 when she was 35 literally so it is good genes. and a very nice, sometimes TOO nice (which can get me in trouble...ie some of the threads about guys) and very down to earth, smile alot and a genuinely friendly person and I get along with everyone. it's just when a guy says something obnoxious is when I cross my arms, give them the cold shoulder so he'll stop saying stuff. other times, if a guy is being nice, saying I look beautiful or something sweet, then yah I'll smile and say thanks, and go about my business. Don't spend it all at once!... (sorry I feel silly this pm LOL)
Trialbyfire Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 cc, I don't know why guys are treating you with such rudeness like touching you without permission but there are ways to freeze a man in his...errr...groping...with one look and a certain tone of voice. You don't even have to raise your voice or swear. As for the stares, just ignore them. If they get in your face and insist on talking to you, use the death stare. Not the angry one but the "you must be kidding or insane" look. Stay cold, cold, cold. Never let them see you angry or flustered.
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