4givrnt4gtr Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 ....i tried to make my SO jealous...yes, thats right lads and lassies...you heared it here first.... Went out, had some drinks with my friend and a couple of guys who bought us a bunch of drinks...Had fun...but missed my man like crazy... ...this is the confession..... My SO and I are not exclusive (so no i wasnt guilty of cheating)....I went out to the bar (not my thing usually), to assert my singlehood...enjoy it and cherish it...didnt work out though...didnt care much for the guys at the bar.... So i wasnt really gonna tell my SO about it...but i did....i kind of wanted him to know that he could lose me.... ...and it backfired.... He acted totally cool about it...and even asked if the guys had gotten lucky... Yeah totally not the reaction i was expecting...GRANTED my SO is quite smart, thinking of it, he might have felt i was trying to make him jealous...although im pretty sure i didnt brag, plus if i know guys the last thing they want to appear is jealous.... But its bugging me like hell (as u can possibly tell by the THREE posts ive wrote...no responses though ) I hate to think he REALLY just doesnt care whether i see other guys or not.... Am i right to feel like this? or am i right to think he's trying to not look jealous and assess the situation by asking if the guys had gotten lucky in such a nonchalant way... Ohhh he's really giving me a run for my money.... Discussions, advice, rants, anything will be greatly appreciated.
Lyssa Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 First of all, I think you think way too much. You read way too much into his action which is not much, btw. Why did you try to make him jealous? To see if he actually cared about you? I don't know how old you are but playing games, making one jealous etc.. is not the way to start a r/ship with a potential partner. You should start a r/ship as clean as possible. If he likes you, great - if he doesn't, move on. You shouldn't have tried making him jealous... see where it has gotten you? Nowhere. You're now paranoid, I guess? Not knowing how he actually feels.. etc. It's always best to just come right out and just tell him how or whatever you're feeling.
4Q2 Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 What do you expect she's needy and insecure. And, like many other women (and men) she will act out in a manner trying to provoke a needy desireable reaction instead of being direct with him about her wants. Then she can chose to stay or move on. This need to seek validation from that guy, or the next, probably will not stop until she finds it from within. There's a reason self-esteem has the word self in it.
norajane Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 You're not exclusive...so odds are...he's doing the same thing you are - going out and meeting other women. If you want to know how he feels, tell him you want an exclusive relationship.
livebuzzwords Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 what i have done to cope with that is simply not let any thoughts enter my mind about my ex being with someone - and i don't mean the sexual way - i mean the emotional way - that is something i don't allow myself to examine and feel even when i saw her with a man i did not allow myself to venture in that direction - it is not the right thing to do - i only allow those initmate thoughts to be for her and i last winter i was not as strong and because of nc, and my self-hate i believed she had been unfaithful to puish me - looking back now i can't believe how my self-centredness pulled in thoughts like that - i let that override what i know is fact personally, it will take me a long time to adjust to someone else - already tried that once - could not do it - she is ingrained inside me and is my match so i will always have to not let that impact my future we are a perfect fit and she knows that too and if she was with others during the breakup - that is something personal to her and has no impact on how i see her i just can't picture her with anyone other than me - greedy i am she spoiled me she knows i would be exclusive
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted August 27, 2007 Author Posted August 27, 2007 What do you expect she's needy and insecure. And, like many other women (and men) she will act out in a manner trying to provoke a needy desireable reaction instead of being direct with him about her wants. Then she can chose to stay or move on. This need to seek validation from that guy, or the next, probably will not stop until she finds it from within. There's a reason self-esteem has the word self in it. This is totally uncalled for, im not here for people to be condecending, talking down to me like that, In fact you're not even talking to me. Sure it probably was not the most mature approach, and not exactly what i started out to do. When i told him about what happened at the bar i didnt think of making him jealous....but when he reacted the way he did and it upset me i realized i was looking for a certain response. Which then led me to realize i may need to talk to him about his feelings and what we each want for this relationship. Im here looking for good, caring advice. I dont have much experience when it comes to dating and i love imput from people of all backgrounds who do, but if instead i get these type of comments that are only meant to put me down, id rather just keep it all to myself and try to figure out as i go.
Lizzie60 Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 But its bugging me like hell (as u can possibly tell by the THREE posts ive wrote...no responses though ) I did respond to your other thread... geezzz how many threads do you need to start? you'll get the same answers. You are immature and playing games with him... why the need to tell him every details... only high school girls like to play those games... How old are you anyway?
shadowplay Posted August 27, 2007 Posted August 27, 2007 But its bugging me like hell (as u can possibly tell by the THREE posts ive wrote...no responses though ) I did respond to your other thread... geezzz how many threads do you need to start? you'll get the same answers. You are immature and playing games with him... why the need to tell him every details... only high school girls like to play those games... How old are you anyway? I think a lot of women are guilty of playing these games, unconsciously or not.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted August 27, 2007 Author Posted August 27, 2007 But its bugging me like hell (as u can possibly tell by the THREE posts ive wrote...no responses though ) I did respond to your other thread... geezzz how many threads do you need to start? you'll get the same answers. You are immature and playing games with him... why the need to tell him every details... only high school girls like to play those games... How old are you anyway? A. You responded after i had posted the three posts...hoping that a variation of the way i wrote the story would incite responses since the first two didnt (before you did.... i guess i got it right with this way).... B. As i said in my last reply, i realize it wasnt the most mature thing to do...and it wasnt my intention, or at least not consciously...it wasnt until he responded in a certain way that i realized i was looking for a different response. The reason i told him about it (or at least the one i told myself) was because it had been a funny situation, i was most definitely not interested in the guys, and I let my guy know even before i told him the story. C. Its not about my age...my insecurities lie in that i havent had many dating experiences, and those that i did were pretty ****ty. Hot/Frozen, two months type of relationships....ive learned a lot from them despite their shortness, but it doesnt take away the insecurity they left for me. Working on it though.
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