wonderer Posted April 1, 2003 Posted April 1, 2003 My girlfriend recently cheated on me for the second time. I met her 4 months ago and fell inlove with her she told me that she loved me too, all the time. she is a very honest person and she told me that she cheated on me with her ex (they were together for 6 years) right after it happened. now that she told me that she cheated again she dumped me and said that she needs time to figure out what she wants, her ex (who treams her like ****) or me. She cried, I was upset too and went over to her place and we had sex after we broke up in the evening and then in the morning again before we parted ways. It was odd. I still love her but am I being a pathetic looser by trying to stay with her no matter what or what? I really love her... even if she hurts me like that... I don't think I can get over here...ever. Help!
Tony T Posted April 1, 2003 Posted April 1, 2003 YOU ASK: "I still love her but am I being a pathetic looser by trying to stay with her no matter what or what? I really love her... even if she hurts me like that... " No, you're not being a pathetic looser. You're just being pathetic. If you like being with people who hurt you, you may need to see a psychotherapist to get to the root of your problem. You also need to get a healthier level of self-esteem and self worth. People who like themselves and have a good amount of self respect don't tolerate this kind of behavior in people they "love." And I challenge that you "love" her. We love people because of the way they make us feel or the way they treat us. Unless you're a taco short of a combination platter, there is simply no way you can be in love with a lowlife slimebag who treats you like shxt. And, by the way, you write that "she is a very honest person." Well, I don't think so. Honest people don't make committments and then betray those to whom they have made those committments. Would you think the same of her if she shot you in the back...and then walked around in front of you and announced that she was the one who just shot you. Pretty honest, uh? YUK!!!
Bärchen Posted April 1, 2003 Posted April 1, 2003 If someone cheats on you then in their mind you mean little or nothing to them. Leave her and never look back. She will not change and she has no idea what she wants. Have some self respect and tell her not to contact you. Once a snake, always a snake. There are women 1,000,000 times better than this one out there. Wait, you said she's cheated on you 'twice'!!! Man, get out of there NOW. She will only bring you a world of hurt
Author wonderer Posted April 2, 2003 Author Posted April 2, 2003 People change, we all have problems and make mistakes... I think she can change and that I can learn to trust her again and we'll just be stronger in the end. No?
Kidd Seuss Posted April 2, 2003 Posted April 2, 2003 [color=darkred]Ok... not to be rude, but yes. You would be a fool for chasing her right now. And then having sex with her after the breakup? There's a saying down here in the south about people who lose commitment, but still fawn over the other person. "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?" Drew [/color]
Bärchen Posted April 2, 2003 Posted April 2, 2003 Originally posted by wonderer People change, we all have problems and make mistakes... I think she can change and that I can learn to trust her again and we'll just be stronger in the end. No? True, People change. However, look at what you wrote in your original post. She cheated on you TWICE in 4 months. That is just unacceptable behaviour in any relationship. It should be obvious that you can't trust this Girl. A relationship without trust is pointless and ultimately unfullfilling. If your heart is set on giving her another chance (and lets face it, only you´know what your relationship with her is really like) then trust your heart, however don't forget that your head is usually better at making descisions. best of luck.
Ally Boo Posted April 2, 2003 Posted April 2, 2003 OK, from a person who gave out WAY too many chances with a cheater, let me say this.... You can forgive...you can continue this relationship..that's fairly easy compared to the reality of the situation. Your relationship will never be the same. You'll never be able to look at them the same way again. You'll always wonder if they are cheating, you'll be jealous. And as your relationship progresses, you'll get more attached and closer to her, and thus, think about what if she's cheating now....blah blah blah. It's a really unhealthy cycle. And you will end up spending more energy and time worrying and wondering, than you would enjoying your relationship. The fact is, she screwed up. It's her fault. Let her live with it. Trust me, you'll be a much more sane person in the end.
Author wonderer Posted April 3, 2003 Author Posted April 3, 2003 Thanks for your advice, everyone. She offered to remain lovers but not be inlove and no bf/gf stuff. Should I accept? I think I can get over her in time but she's really good in bed and I don't want anyone else right now but I get horny for her all the time. Given an opportunity, would you keep ex's around as lovers until the next best thing or something? or is it too twisted?
witchbreed Posted April 3, 2003 Posted April 3, 2003 To say it bluntly, if you are just horny for her, take what she offers, but if you are in love, decline. If you invest emotional feeling and she does not, you will get hurt. In this setup she will have the right for other casual sex and since you are in love, you will feel cheated and hurt. I read the story this way: She hasnt yet coped with the break up from her ex emotionally and is therefore not yet ready for a relationsship. In your shoes I would tell her, that since you are in love with her, you cannot deal with a casual sex-relationsship where you would always hope to win her back as a "real" girlfriend. Leave her. I know a couple who went through this kind of situation. They split, both coping with their old issues. Two years later, they started seeing each other again and then both were ready for a relationsship. But this is extremly rare, most times people will not come back together again. Btw someone said, that she is not honest, because she cheated. I think that she is honest, just not ready for any relationsship at the moment and since I am not a clairvoyant I dont know if she ever will be. I wish you all the best.
HokeyReligions Posted April 3, 2003 Posted April 3, 2003 First you say you may never get over her and that you love her. Then you say you can get over her in time and just want her around for sex. Go buy a blow-up doll if you just need a masterbatory tool, and leave the girl. Neither of you know what you want, you haven't been together very long. You will get over her a lot faster and get on with your life by leaving now. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
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