bchlvr Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 It has been a little over a year since the breakup with my ex. I've not had contact all this time. I am feeling so much better than I felt 6 months ago. At that time, I thought I'd never stop obsessing over her and all the woulda shoulda coulda's. It's a relief to feel like I'm finally moving on. It has also helped to learn that what happened to me has happened to others, so my experience may not be unique. But this afternoon I saw my ex as she was getting out of her car and I was getting into mine. She was ( I think) with a date. She lost a bit of weight, has a new haircut, appeared happy. She looked great. This has stirred up my attraction to and longing for her again. And, I am also envious. That she in all probability has found someone and though I've pursued my own interests, made new friends, joined an online dating site and have done a lot to get out there socially, I've not been successful so far meeting people to date. I don't believe I'm picky. I've approached a couple of people but their interest has not been returned. I'd like to think that the prospect of dating wouldn't be such a struggle even after 45. So, I'm in a funk, comparing my insides to my ex's outsides. I'm jealous, panicking, and feeling completely unsettled. I know I should rise above it all, but am having a lot of trouble. Have you been through this kind of thing? How have you coped?
Scorpio13c Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 Hi Bchlvr, I'm sorry you've had to experience that. I'm sure you'll not only get over it, but sometime soon not care anymore. Just keep doing what you've been doing, eventually you will hook a fish on the online thing. For the time being, just keep telling yourself that you don't care what she does, over & over. Eventually you won't & you'll be more self-confident! Have no more worrys Bchlvr - peace Scorp
Lizzie60 Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 It's not easy... There is no miracle cure... only time heals. Good luck.
Curmudgeon Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 Have you been through this kind of thing? How have you coped? I was 50. It worked out fine. I give no thought to the ex. Why would I? Why would you?
JCD Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 Been there and it lasts one or two days and then the pain is gone again. You're not worthless just because you haven't found a date and she has. Don't go looking for one just to get one over her. Do it because you want to for yourself.
Author bchlvr Posted August 28, 2007 Author Posted August 28, 2007 Thank you all for your encouragement. Thank you for reminding me to say to myself, I don't care what my ex is up to. It is so much better to put the focus on that self-talk rather than entertaining fantasies about what she is up to. I do feel better after a couple of days now.
Scorpio13c Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Hey Bch, That saying I told you, "Just keep telling yourself that you don't care what she does, over & over", was told to me by a "Very Wise Person", it helps me. Peace my friend! Scorp
mike5770 Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 First of all, good for you for maintaining no contact for that long..that is not easy, nor is the process of getting over someone. There will be bumps in the road and setbacks but that is normal progress. I went to the bar on Friday night that me and the girl I loved used to hang out. She was not there but in talking to her coworkers they told me her and other guy are still together and they go to lunch every day. I guess a part of me wanted her to show up of course and say, "I broke up with so and so and I really miss you lets get together right now and be together forever and ever and ever and I will love you and blah blah blah...." But of course reality rarely plays out that way and after many beers I went home and started feeling sorry for myself and missed her again. Then on Saturday I felt better very fast and that is when I knew I was moving on and that was just a test. The ultimate test, which you have just gone though by the way, is seeing her again with him. I think it will be the same thing, I know if they come in that bar I will stop drinking alcohol instantly as that can make things interesting all around.
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