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She already has a personal ad???


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Posted

After a 4.5 year relationship, less than 2 weeks after our breakup, she's already on not only the Dating portion of the site, but long term Romance as well.

 

It hurts for the obvious reasons, but "How can someone do this so soon??"

I know i'm going to take a long break from relationships, in order to heal & lose as much baggage as i can, but what could she possibly be thinking?

 

I'm hoping this will just strengthen my resolve, but sad neverless..

 

Scorp

Posted

it's not the fact that it's a long-term relationship, but the other person in that relationship that is faulty. Though I'm dubious that after two weeks, she can call her new relationship a long-term romance ... unless she was unfaithful to you during part of your relationship with her?

 

am sorry to hear of your heartache, but remember: That which does not kill us makes us stronger. Even in the arena of love.

Posted

could well be that she's very uncomfortable with the feeling of being alone.

 

YOUR doing the right thing. taking time to heal,, learn,, better yourself so that the next relationship you have will be more fruitful for you. when your happy in your own skin it makes you stronger knowing that you'll always have 'you' to fall back to when a relationship falls.

 

alot of people jump straight in again without lookin at themselves first, because they are scared of what they might find.

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Posted

Thank you Quankanne for your words, you are right, it will eventually make me stronger.

 

Thank you too Marty, i suspect you are probably right.

 

My first thoughts were desperation??

 

Scorp

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Posted

O.k, it really hurts

Does anyone have any insight?

Posted
After a 4.5 year relationship, less than 2 weeks after our breakup, she's already on not only the Dating portion of the site, but long term Romance as well.

 

It hurts for the obvious reasons, but "How can someone do this so soon??"

I know i'm going to take a long break from relationships, in order to heal & lose as much baggage as i can, but what could she possibly be thinking?

 

I'm hoping this will just strengthen my resolve, but sad neverless..

 

Scorp

 

I agree it's a bit early...but everyone has their own ways.... plus I don't think there are any rules on how much time someone should wait... If I were in your shoes.. I know it would help me to move on..

Posted
I agree it's a bit early...but everyone has their own ways.... plus I don't think there are any rules on how much time someone should wait... If I were in your shoes.. I know it would help me to move on..
I would think Lizzie is right.. Some people wait until they are over someone before dating again, while others might get involved rather quickly as a means of forgetting. Different strokes, as they say...

 

(Maybe I'm alone in this, but I find myself unable to focus clearly every time I catch a glimpse of one of Lizzie's avatars.)

Posted

It's probably a combination of two things

 

1.) some people can't stand the idea of being alone

 

2.) if she broke it off with you, she more than likely was checked out of the relationship LONG before it actually happened. so while to you it seems like it's sudden, to her she's probably been thinking about it for months.

 

It sucks but it will get better. I had a 4 year relationship not work out. Took me a LONG TIME (several years honestly) to let someone in again. It'll happen for you. Let yourself heal in whatever way you need to.

Posted

She's moved on so fast because in her mind/heart she had already "left" the relationship long ago. When two people break up, one of them has usually been thinking about it for quite a long time beforehand. That makes it easy for them to move on fast.

Posted

Hey.. at least she didnt do it 2 weeks BEFORE the breakup like mine did.

 

Now, I am not sure about your girlfreind, but after my boyfriend and I split, I went to the dating boards pretty much the next day. Even though I was shattered, my self esteem was collapsed, and I couldnt hold my food down.

 

The reason? Though I wasnt (and am still not) ready to date or have a relationship right now, it gave me a FUTURE to focus on, rather than rolling around in the past. It was, for me, an affirmation that I will - sometime in the future - BE ready to date again.

 

Just because she is on these dating boards doesnt mean she is dating. (I went on ONE date. Then I came home and drank a bottle of wine by myself and vomited all night - (guess I wasnt ready...)

 

In any case, this may be part of the healing process for her - a way to look forward. Dont be so sure that she is doing it for any other reason than to help her self esteem and to know that there might be someone for her in the future.

Posted
After a 4.5 year relationship, less than 2 weeks after our breakup, she's already on not only the Dating portion of the site, but long term Romance as well.

 

It hurts for the obvious reasons, but "How can someone do this so soon??"

I know i'm going to take a long break from relationships, in order to heal & lose as much baggage as i can, but what could she possibly be thinking?

 

I'm hoping this will just strengthen my resolve, but sad neverless..

 

Scorp

 

The honest truth is she checked out of the relationship mentally long before she checked out physically.

 

That's normally how it works and why people are so suprised when an ex can jump right back into the dating game.

  • Author
Posted
It's probably a combination of two things

 

1.) some people can't stand the idea of being alone

 

2.) if she broke it off with you, she more than likely was checked out of the relationship LONG before it actually happened. so while to you it seems like it's sudden, to her she's probably been thinking about it for months.

 

It sucks but it will get better. I had a 4 year relationship not work out. Took me a LONG TIME (several years honestly) to let someone in again. It'll happen for you. Let yourself heal in whatever way you need to.

 

Thank you Aria,

it was actually me who ended it, although i didn't want to. You can see my thread titled "The relationship isn't going anywhere"(She said), which is why i did.

My friends & family agree with #1

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Posted
Hey.. at least she didnt do it 2 weeks BEFORE the breakup like mine did.

 

Now, I am not sure about your girlfreind, but after my boyfriend and I split, I went to the dating boards pretty much the next day. Even though I was shattered, my self esteem was collapsed, and I couldnt hold my food down.

 

The reason? Though I wasnt (and am still not) ready to date or have a relationship right now, it gave me a FUTURE to focus on, rather than rolling around in the past. It was, for me, an affirmation that I will - sometime in the future - BE ready to date again.

 

Just because she is on these dating boards doesnt mean she is dating. (I went on ONE date. Then I came home and drank a bottle of wine by myself and vomited all night - (guess I wasnt ready...)

 

In any case, this may be part of the healing process for her - a way to look forward. Dont be so sure that she is doing it for any other reason than to help her self esteem and to know that there might be someone for her in the future.

 

Thank you for your insight Kiri,

I'm sorry that happened to you.

When i found she had an ad, i actually added my own, anger & visions of pay-back were my motive sadly. After about a week, i had to confess with someone i'd chatted with. that i was just out of a LT. relationship & that i would remove my ad. It just wasn't in me & i didn't want to hurt someone whom i'd just met, nor rebound, for the sake of my ego, so i know well how you felt.

Scorp

Posted

Hi Scorpio,

 

I totally understand your confusion. I've been struggling with the ups and downs of the day to day general feeling of bewilderment for a few weeks myself and am still just as loss.

 

I agree with CaliGuy and she must've decided long before you were even aware that she was thinking about it. If you're like me, the idea of being with someone else is foreign and uncomfortable. The fact that she can move on after 2 weeks is difficult, but it could have been very likely more than 2 weeks in the making. On that very day that my ex called the wedding off, he signed up for MySpace, Match, and put out an ad on Craigslist. He knew what he was doing just as much as I think your ex did.

 

I hope that the fact that there are so many of us going through the same thing is of some consolation. I know it's helped me reading everyone else's stories. Take care.

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Posted
The honest truth is she checked out of the relationship mentally long before she checked out physically.

 

That's normally how it works and why people are so suprised when an ex can jump right back into the dating game.

 

Hey Cali,

I've already considered your explanation & you're probably correct as well, I just can't seem to swallow that for being a valid reason 100% because in the end it was me who ended it. Whether that's relevent or not i suppose is moot. In addition, although i've not instigated any contact, she had contacted me 1 week ago, asking how I am etc., whether that means anything i'm not sure..

Thank you for your insight

Scorp

  • Author
Posted
Hi Scorpio,

 

I totally understand your confusion. I've been struggling with the ups and downs of the day to day general feeling of bewilderment for a few weeks myself and am still just as loss.

 

I agree with CaliGuy and she must've decided long before you were even aware that she was thinking about it. If you're like me, the idea of being with someone else is foreign and uncomfortable. The fact that she can move on after 2 weeks is difficult, but it could have been very likely more than 2 weeks in the making. On that very day that my ex called the wedding off, he signed up for MySpace, Match, and put out an ad on Craigslist. He knew what he was doing just as much as I think your ex did.

 

I hope that the fact that there are so many of us going through the same thing is of some consolation. I know it's helped me reading everyone else's stories. Take care.

 

Hi Grace, I'm so sorry this has happened to you, my best wishes for you!

I suppose it hurts more to only consider one reason, it seems a little easier to consider they did it for immediate want of retalliation & out of desperation of being alone, a little easier anyway :)

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