sedgwick Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 My ex broke up with me almost six weeks ago, completely out of the blue. I've explained this in other threads in the "breaking up" section, so I won't go into it here. He's a musician, I'm a dancer and writer, and the reason he gave for breaking up with me is that I'm not a musician. He said this to me the morning he went on tour for three months, after an amazing night together the night before, during which he told me twice, of his own volition, that he loved me. The next morning at breakfast he said, "I'm just not as sure about this as you are. I think maybe I need to be with a musician." (I do know that there's no one specific, and his friend has confirmed to me that he's not hooking up with other girls on the road. She said, "He's hurting a lot.") Two weeks ago tomorrow, he called me. Said he still loved me and could see us together in the future, and that he wants to see me again when he comes home in November. Said he just feels like he has to make his career his priority right now. Which of course I understand, but I don't see why calling me from the road would be such a big deal. I got an email from him four days later, in response to one I sent. Nothing big, just a "hi, how are you" kind of thing, and him telling me he liked a story I wrote. He has a week off which starts today. He said he wasn't sure if he was coming back here or if he was going to stay with friends since it wasn't as far away. When I said, "Do you want to see each other if you come back?" his response was, "I could be into that." But I've decided I can't deal with it. I'd want him back, he'd be ambivalent, I'd end up hurting more. One week ago, I sent him a text message that just said, "I love you," and then I blocked his number and his email address. I feel like the only way I'll ever get him back is to not be so available, and I don't want to know if he's in town or not. But god, NC is HARD! Every second of every day I want to call him, and then I realize it would just make me feel worse. But technically the lines of communication are open, and the conversation we had was good, ending with both of us saying, "I love you." I guess I'm just still really hurt and angry over his discounting what I do and insinuating that music is better or more important. But it hurts so much not to hear his voice. Am I doing the right thing here? How do I deal with this nagging feeling of wanting to talk to him every single second? To those of you who are sick of hearing about this, I do apologize.
marty Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 I would say your doing the right thing. In my opinion you have to start doing what he's doing. making yourself your priority. you both clearly love each other, but maybe not in equal amounts. If he sees that your kinda waiting around for him, that puts him in the driving seat. Go do your own thing,, even if its just till he comes back from touring. He might realise what he's missing. and , hard to say, if he doesn't,,, you will be already on your way to moving on. I know from my own experience, it is absolute torture doing NC,, and i did fail from time to time, but when i did, it chipped away at my self respect. It felt good to hear her for 30secs,,, or a email reply,,,, but i never got the response that i trully wanted. If he's just 'Cool', to see you,, and is not 'yearning' to see you, you might not get the response from him that you want. And it'll keep putting you back to square one. Just remember you deserve to be loved just as much as you have love to give. Be strong,, take care
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