mental_traveller Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 My honest opinion is get out. Others will say you should try to make things work. Ultimately it's your call - do you want a marriage where your wife has at the very least kissed one guy (and maybe done more that she hasn't mentioned), can no longer be trusted, and where you will have images of this in your mind for the rest of your life? Or do you want to cut your losses and find someone more deserving? I think it's a pretty clear call, but I don't know how much you have invested in your marriage. Life is IMO too short to stay with a cheating spouse.
Author cm83 Posted August 28, 2007 Author Posted August 28, 2007 I want to work things out its just that everytime I talk to her and feel we are moving in the right direction, the thought of her kissing another man crosses my mind. I sat down with her yesterday and made it clear that she needed to come clean and really tell me everything. She told me and even swore on our kids that the kiss was a mistake and that it would never happen again, she also said that nothng else happened, and the reason she kept talking to him was because he complimented her a lot and she felt good. She told me she explained to him that it was a mistake, and that she would never want anything like that to happen, but she was alright with still being just friends at work. I dont know what to think, she sounded sincere and she swore on our kids. She is a great mom and I would never take custody away from her because I know she would never do that to me either. Maybe it was a mistake, but it still bothers me. If I decide to stay it is going to take a long time for me to heal. I dont think cheating on her would solve anything so that has not even crossed my mind. I have questioned her about all incidents and I cant find any holes in her story anymore. Do you think she is being sincere? I can see it in her eyes that she might be being truthful, and I say this because I have known her for so long that I can tell when she is lying. The reason I know was that I was able to point out the times I thought something had gone down.
whichwayisup Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 CM83, you and your wife should try some marriage counselling...And, I hate to say it, but she needs to quit her job. As long as the OM is there, she could always be tempted...And who's to say he respects your marriage? How will she respond to him if he tries to flirt with her, talk to her... Have you asked her to go no contact with him? Is he married? Another thing you can do is go to him, tell him that you know something has been happening with him and your wife and it's over, TELL him to leave your wife alone. You may be surprised too by talking to him, (if he's honest with you) he can fill in some more information that your wife still could be hiding from you. Yes, it will take a long time to heal, but if you want to get past this, do marriage counselling, and also get some one on one counselling to help you cope. She also needs individual counselling as well. She needs to understand WHY she allowed herself to kiss another man. What made her feel like she couldn't talk to you, if she was unhappy or needs weren't being met.... She also needs to be an open book to you now. Access to ALL her email accounts, passwords, cell phone...SHE is the one who has to gain your trust again. She even said that she understood and that if I wanted to break up she would go back home to her mom who lives in another state and she just requested that I dont do anything to take the kids. Can you help? I would hope AT BEST she would allow you access to the kids and have joint custody. Just reading this makes me feel like SHE would take the kids away from you, to another state...That doesn't seem fair at all. To you or the kids... Sorry that you're in pain and I hope you can work through this, and together you and your wife can make your marriage stronger.
Recommended Posts