Tormented Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 It was a year ago today that I discovered my ex was screwing his borderline, MARRIED ex...the day I drove up to his house and there she stood - in HIS doorway - like a puffed-up hen in the "rooster bin." Strange, after all this time I can STILL see the horrible images of that day clearly in my head- in full color - and probably will for years to come. I did something last night I haven't done for quite some time. I pulled the box I put our pictures in from the closet shelf and looked at them all...one by one. A real "blast-from-the-past" charge...ranging from sadness, to anger, to pain, then back to sadness - and the cycle continued to repeat itself. I ended up in tears and put the pictures back. I couldn't take it anymore. We looked so damn happy in those pics...a very happy time in my life. It's been a long and painful year since. I've gone out on dates (most of those I couldn't wait for the date to end!), have met 2 men that showed a little promise, but in the end, neither worked out. The first, so I discovered, turned out to be quite a liar, and the second wanted to push for a committment before I was ready (after only seeing him for six weeks). I live in a very small community and the pool of "QUALITY singles" is VERY shallow. Most of the men up here are married (looking for affairs...no thanx!), unemployed, duggies/drunks, or players. And the decent ones are already taken. So.... I turned to a dating site (Match.com). Boy, what an experience THIS has been! I know there are some good men on that site, but basically it's nothing more than a playground for "players, married men, and losers." Yep...I'm discouraged! My ex and I touched base in May but I couldn't stay in contact with him. Just too much anger and pain there to ever try again. But I still find myself mourning for what we USE to be, and it saddens me even more to know that it can never be again. And to add to the fun....I was layed-off last Friday as the clinic I worked for closed its doors. So now, it's brush up the resume and hit the pavement time. Oh, joy! I'm sorry for babbling, guys. Life sucks right now, and with today being the one-year mark of my breakup, I'm just really down today. Maybe I just need to move to another area...start a new chapter in my life, get away from this area and all the painful memories around me. Just NOT a good day. ~T~
MagnoliaJane Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 ~Tormented, So sorry to read you are having a rough moment... Hang in there, things WILL get better... from a distance it looks to me that what you have experienced has helped you to better weed out the losers from the real thing. You know better who you are and what you want from live by knowing what you do not want. That's so very important. Often we are resisting change but conflict and change are opportunities to try out new things. Yes, you have loved, but you have not lost. Courage sister!
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