KittenMoon Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 Everyone here has said the pain fades with time, that someday you'll be able to look back fondly, etc. It's been over a year and a half, and I still feel nothing but sadness and anger. I don't feel it all the time, but when I'm reminded of him, or whatever, it's still so raw and fresh. Not to mention I remember things about us and our relationship still that seem so familiar- sometimes I recall old routines of ours as if the happened yesterday, or I find myself almost planning for them. They're just moments of this, but I want them to go away. A meaningful trip I took over a year ago feels distant, but I can remember sitting in a restaurant or watching TV with him as if I did it a day ago. I just want it GONE. I just want to be able to open myself up to someone else. I just want to be able to think of him with someone else and accept it, even if I don't like it. These are the things I WANT, that I've worked towards constantly through hobbies, my job, therapy, medication, friends, travel, EVERYTHING I can think of, things I never took the time to do before, and still, it doesn't seem to work.... I don't get it anymore. I try not to think about it too much, but it's so hard. And it still takes so much of my energy. I mean, this is supposed to heal with time right? right?! Well, I've given it time and effort, and it's still this maddenig thing. If it were a limb, I would have cut it off by now.
wwjd Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 aw, kitten. i understand you. *hugs* unfortunately, i have no good words to say, other than to tell you i am sorry you are still feeling like this. i wish you weren't. i guess you should just keep in mind that your relationship was a very long one and that the reasons for its culmination weren't all that clear in the beginning. you should also remind yourself that you cannot feel this way forever for the simple fact that things, including ourselves and our feelings, always change. it's the way of life. how long it takes for that change to kick in, though, is something we can never know until it has occurred. this is unfortunate, but alas, it seems like it's the only way it is. keep going, kitten.
KenzieAbsolutely Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 it's been a year and a half? how long were you together? sometimes they say it takes the half the time of the relationship in order to get fully over it...i don't know how true that is, i was in a relationship for 9 years and it took me about, oh, say 3 days to recover, haha. i know people are quick to throw this around, but did you ever think about some kind of counseling? not because you're mental or anything, but talking it out might make you realize that you're not missing him, or your relationship, but that another related issue is keeping you from moving on. sorry you're so sad, kitten. cheer up.
Author KittenMoon Posted August 25, 2007 Author Posted August 25, 2007 aw, kitten. i understand you. *hugs* unfortunately, i have no good words to say, other than to tell you i am sorry you are still feeling like this. i wish you weren't. i guess you should just keep in mind that your relationship was a very long one and that the reasons for its culmination weren't all that clear in the beginning. you should also remind yourself that you cannot feel this way forever for the simple fact that things, including ourselves and our feelings, always change. it's the way of life. how long it takes for that change to kick in, though, is something we can never know until it has occurred. this is unfortunate, but alas, it seems like it's the only way it is. keep going, kitten. Aw, I hate to whine, but it's just so frustrating. I mean, wwjd, YOU know the full story. You know how often he seemed to waffle back and forth- right down to being unable to say outright to me that he never wanted to be with me again. It's maddening to be treated like you're some toy than can be picked up again if he feels like it. I think that's the part that drives me really crazy. The utter, brainless disregard for my feelings. I honestly think I'd be better now if he'd ONCE been able to say he didn't love me, and never wanted me in his life again. I dreamed about him last night, to great frustration as usual. He was acting like nothing had happened between us, though I was practically spitting fire with anger. Finally, I ran away- out of his apt, barefoot in the winter, back to my apt. He and his friends chased after me. I don't think they managed to cach me though, I was trying to get away so hard. I hate feeling frustrated.
wwjd Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 I mean, wwjd, YOU know the full story. You know how often he seemed to waffle back and forth- right down to being unable to say outright to me that he never wanted to be with me again. yea, i know, and that's precisely why i'm telling you that i understand you. his little contacts always perplexed me because it seemed as though he wanted to talk things through with you, yet always left it for that next time that never came. his vacillating with your feelings annoyed me, so i can only imagine how they must have made you feel. and, as i've told you before, that's just something i don't understand: why not just be upfront with it? when you asked, why not just look at you and tell you the truth, whatever it maybe been? because he didn't know? because he was "confused"? see--that's what irritated me about him. it was all him, him, him, but what about you and your feelings? surely after 6+ years he knows how you are/were, no? then why not be more considerate of you, the woman whom he loved (loves?) for so long? you didn't wrong him, kitten. you really didn't, so there is no reason for him to be so inconsiderate. if he was truly confused, he should have told you--from the beginning--and should have left you alone until he figured out his thoughts and feelings. but instead, he'd always give you a misty answer and then onto do things that confused you even more. WTF? sometimes i think that the reason why it's so hard for you to just shack up with someone else and get on with it, aside from having integrity, is because the confusion is still there--things were never truly cleared. and well, we all know how those detrimental those unanswered questions can be. but i guess you're going to have to answer them for yourself in whatever way you think is best and true, and take it from there. It's maddening to be treated like you're some toy than can be picked up again if he feels like it. I think that's the part that drives me really crazy. ha! you're telling me! sigh. you're right, i completely agree. it's so frustrating to be in this position. you'd think that you'd just want to say, "Oh, f.ck him!" or something like that, but instead--at least in my case--it makes me want to yell and scream and demand that he, for once in his life, without anger or any childish emotions, be honest about it all. it's maddening, truly. I dreamed about him last night, to great frustration as usual. He was acting like nothing had happened between us, though I was practically spitting fire with anger. i hate these types of dreams. i dreamed about him last night, too: he was calling me and was apologizing for saying the things that he said. haha! right, like that'll ever happen! anyway, i wonder if your dream was a simply subconscious metaphor: that you want to leave him behind, but that the confusion is what chases you when you try, only to catch you, after some time, and bring you back to the very place you were trying to leave--him. i hate dreams. dreams suck. hugs to you, buddy dear.
frd150 Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Hey Kitten, I read your post and I can totally relate. Its been since January 29th for me. You would think that I should be over it now....I am sort of. I think back to those first three months or so and how I never thought I would make it this far. Someone told me on here "fake it till you make it", so thats what I did and you know it helpd a ton. I worked real hard to keep myself busy so that my brain became use to not thinking about it. So its working. Im further along than I thought I would ever be. There are good people in my life that I always discounted and I was ignorant for doing so. Those same good people are now my biggest support. I know that feeling of missing the routine and not to mention the comfort of that person. I guess Im not the only one. Big Hug. FRD
Yamaha Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Is he sending you mixed messages that he might still have feelings for you? I know what that feels like because I have an ex that continues to let me know that she can't/won't let go and it is frustrating ( and she is the one who wanted out ). I wish we could just be indifferent towards each other but she continues in her anger, avoidance but also wanting to see me, trying to make me jealous by acting friendly towards my friends but ignoring me, and other things to numerous to mention. I just want it to end but she seems to enjoy the situation ( punishment in her eyes ) and I see no end in sight. I guess the only way to move on is to see the ex as someone you no longer want in your life. I still miss my ex, at times, but I see her in a different way now and no longer want her to be part of my life, even though I do speak to her ( but she won't even say hello ). If you still love him then you need to channel that love towards someone/something more deserving. I believe you never truely get over someone you truely loved but we learn to move on and find another person more worthy of the love we have to give. It is a hard and we may never get closure you want but you must love yourself and believe you did all you could do in the relationship and it just wasn't right for the both of you. Hang in there and believe in yourself and know there are others who have just a hard of time understanding their ex. You are worth better.
Jaded Girl Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Hi Kitty, i originally posted this to hrtbroken 99, and i want to say the same thing to you It does get better I can totally relate to all you guys, but i want to say i did not believe anyone when they told me that, time heals all wounds, and in time it will get better, i thought it was total BULLS@@@, but i am here today and, i can say it does get better. i still cried myself to sleep 9months after my break up, i still ached to be with my ex, i lived in a small town, and the thought of seeing him with someone else gave me panic attacks, so i ended up moving out for 6 months(Yes i had to run) thats how much i was screwed up, and i know that this is a drastic measure, but i had 2. And what can i say the time apart did me wonders, new city, new life, new beginning. I know not everyone can do what i did, but sometimes you need to get away, it was still very difficult to cope a few months in, but today i am doing great, i would say i am 90% better, but i know that i loved my ex so i embrace the 10% because i know now that apart of him will always be with me, i accepted that and moved on. Good luck guys, and know in time it will get better....................
NightsInWhiteSatin Posted August 28, 2007 Posted August 28, 2007 Hello's KittenMoon, Im going through same thing, almost been a yr and a half for me too. The thing is...sometimes it will feel like yesterday and everythings rawr and vivid. But it wasn't yesterday...it was over a yr and a half ago...and its just memories now, that's all thats left....and even though they can seem as real as yesterday....they're long gone and you've just got to keep reminding yourself that's all they are and give it some time...and they wont haunt you as much. Hope you will find happiness hunni
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