What should I think?

[Warren34]

I am 34 and VERY shy. I have never dated, all through grade school/high school I had a crush on one girl. My cousin found out I liked her when we were in 7th grade.

The next day right in class he said hey **** will you go out with ****. She said eeew no way!

 

I was hurt and never forgave him and got very depressed.

 

Now back to the future, I have been at my current job for a year and a half. Theres a 20 year old lady that comes in and buys a pack of cigarettes or a cigar every day. I fell for her the first time I seen her. But I never said a word because I was 33 at the time, now 34. We have never really spoken much just hellos and how you doing and the like. But I get all light headed and my heart goes nuts and I can hardly breath when she is in the store.

 

Two weeks ago she came in and bought a cigar, I know she uses it to smoke weed. I dont use the stuff, but out of nowhere I ask her when she was going to share and pointed at the cigar. She said what time you get off?

 

Now I never thought she would say that and I was surprised I had asked her that. My mind was going like 100 MPH thinking I cant believe I asked that, I cant believe she asked what time I got off work, I get off at 9pm and have to be back at 7am..., I just started laughing not saying another word and she left the store.

 

She came in the next day and didnt say much to me. I could not get her out of my mind now. She dominated my every thought. So being shy I wrote a note to her on my computer and printed it out explaining everything, how I had a cruch on her and why I laughed, etc...

 

I doubted I could give it to her but the next day she came in and when she was walking out the door I said wait, here this is for you and gave it to her.

I was shaking like mad for an hour after... then I was floating on air....

 

She came in the next day but I was on break and I could see her but she couldnt see me. I then moved to noon to 9pm shift and she didnt come in when I was working but as I was leaving for the night she was coming in the door as I was leaving. I just looked at her and kept going. I stopped outside the door and had a smoke, she came out and was walking the other way, I was watching her and she stopped, turned around, smiled, said Hi, and walked away. Now this sent me onto cloud 9... I should have went after her and talked to her but I didnt...

 

Well she came in the next day and smiled and said hi to me and I said hi back, then one of my co-workers who dated her mom a year ago asked her for a hug. I shut up and didnt say another word.

 

The day after that she came in again and he hit her up for a hug then when she left he said to me and the 3 customers in the store that he had her mom and was hoping to nail the daughter too. That pissed me off.

 

She came in the next day and we talked a little and thats all.

 

I finally told myself last night that she wasnt interested in me and to let it go so when I got home I wrote yet another note and told her I understood that she wasnt interested in me and that was OK. Then I warned her about what my co-worker said and told her I didnt want to see her hurt, yeah I know, stupid on my part. But this guy has been with over 50 girls that I know of in the year he has worked with me and from what I hear he is a abuser..

I again told her how I felt about her and how beautiful she was the day before.

I also admitted I had never smoked weed...

 

Well when she came in the next day I gave the note to her and she then blew me away when she told me she had just quit her job but just started a new one and as soon as she was settled into it she would hook up with me to go smoke.

 

That was 3 days ago.. the last 2 days the thoughts and dreams have gotten alot worse, I cant get her out of my mind. I have never felt this way before...

 

She has my number but I dont have hers even though in both notes I asked for hers. I think I scared her from comign back to the store and I dont know what to do now.

 

How do I get over her and get her out of my mind and dreams? After the first note she seemed to smile at me alot and it melted my heart. I am going crazy...

[addison032]

Yes, I think she likes you but I am not too convinced she is fully interested in you. It sounds like she is a nice girl, but smoking weed, do you really want to get involved with someone that does it? She might be perfect to you, but to me sounds like she has a few problems. She is young though I guess.

If she was interested in you she would have let you know.

Don't panic, you have not scared her off. She will be back. Just play it cool. Let her do some chasing and have some confidence in yourself!

[Warren34]

Thats just it, I have ZERO confidence in myself... between that and being shy, I dont think Ill ever have a lady in my life.

[Warren34]

Just wanted to add...

 

Since I had first seen her she has always had her hair in a braided pony tail. Since I gave her the first note it has not been... Not sure if its because of my note or because of the new job...

[loveinlife]

I think you know what you are doing... your story sounds very descriptive. whether she likes you are not there is nothing you can change. be yourself, if that isn't what she is looking for, then don't waste your time pondering over her, just understand that you learned she isn't the one. Don't expect too much, go with the flow and see how things go. Good luck bro! =)

[Warren34]

Update...

 

Well she didnt come into the store when I was there for a week, then one Saturday nite I had to go in and work midnight for a sick co-worker and she came in, looking "smoking HOT!". She didnt say anything to me except to ask for her cigarettes. The next week I didnt see her at all.

 

I worked the next Saturday night and she didnt come in. I figured she was staying away from me. Today I worked noon to 9pm, she came in around 3pm and I walked up behind her and tapped her on the arm, she turned and seen me and said hi. I said hi back. My co-worker waited on her and as she left she made sure to say good bye to me.

 

My co-worker said whoa man you need to go talk to that. I told him I wasnt sure if she wanted me to and told him what i have said in this thread. He sai dhe would have gone after her and talked.

 

Well around 7pm she came in and had a little boy with her. She said they had just spent over an hour at a restaurant and told me its name. Then she told me thats where she works, and that the boy was her son and he was the only kid she had. In my last note I asked if she had kids and where she worked... she ordered a pack of cigarettes she doesnt smoke and then told her son come on and lets go drop these off to him...

 

Not sure if that was her way of telling me she has a boyfriend or was just telling me she was picking up the smokes for a friend....

 

I still dont have her number and she still hasnt called me.

 

My co-worker talked me into walking out side with her tomorrow if she comes in and talking to her, when I think about that I get nervous as all heck!

[Warren34]

Well I was on break when she came in the next day so I walked out with her and asked her if she was going to call me.

 

She said yes and said she has my number. As we got to the corner of the building she stopped, were she couldnt see her truck but I could and I seen someone in the passenger side. Seemed like she didnt want to walk around there with me so I stopped. I asked her to please call me and she said she would.

 

She has not been back in on my shift, no matter what time I work, 7am to 4pm, noon to 9pm, 9pm to 7am, or even the long shift I sometimes work 4pm to 7am. I know she still comes in because my coworker tells me she has been in.

 

The day after I walked out with her I got two missed calls from a number that when I called back the guy got nasty with me. When my coworker called it he found out it was a place(store?) 50+ miles away. Thats not the first time thats happened either, the time I gave her my number the second time, I got a wrong number from someone in Ohio... Only my mom, brother, and sister have my call number.

 

So I am over this, she oblivously has no interest in me and I think she is playing games.

[Aintayankee]

You did everything you need to. You aint a pussy, so thats good. No need to ever mention it again even if she comes in.

 

As for that jerk, he is a damn yankee, and don't even worry about if he gets her. Just go into hardcore philosophy, then you can reject existence and it won't be a big deal.

 

Good luck. Try listening to death metal. Also look for a different job so you can move on and put the feelings to rest.

[rockerdude]

Okay, got $50 bucks....cause that is what I charge by the hour.

Seriously, though...you broke the rules with women.

Now before you get down on yourself, don't.

 

You are learning to overcome...NOT DOING ANYTHING AT ALL, which is good.

 

BUT....you need to be taught about some basic things with men and women, we all do but they don't have a class for this in school and Dads rarely do their jobs in this area.

 

So....her are a few rules for you to get up on.

 

Rule #1: Never give a woman anything written, no phone number, no email address, no poems etc...nothing.

Exceptions: Flyers for your band...gets you instant status with most woman under 35.

................Flyers for your party, ah yeah...that's about it.

 

EVEN IF you do this, you have to be casual, approach it like your in a hurry but you stopped just a second for her, walk away. She'll either come see your band or come to your party OR she will find a way to come back to see you again, there where she met you if she is interested AND that is possible.

 

Rule #2: When you are approaching a woman, your not asking...you are the alpha male!

BUT you are gentle, calm and in control of your self. Tease HER, ask her ..

 

"Do you consider yourself a girl a lady or a woman? (Do you really need this answer? NO, but it gets her talking or not. THis doesn't mean she is interested BUT she IS challenged and that excites her.

 

Rule #3: In order to get over your self consciousness...YOU NEED to just go to a bar, club, event and get a little buzzed.

With the GOAL to approach 2 or more women and say something like, "Hey, I'm sorta buzzed and I am really self conscious around women. With that being said, I came here tonight with the purpose of talking to YOU or someone to get some advice on what I need to do...I need a make over darling....can you help me...pleeaazzeee! And then SMILE real big but sincere.

If they say "Ohh yuk and walk away...they are shallow and doesn't know what to say anyway...or...you are messing up "their" game for the evening...so don't be humiliated. Don't throw an insult either. Just say to yourself "ok bye now"...

 

Try it again...you WILL find a couple of woman who will sit down, make you feel comfortable and explain women to you. And this is just 1 night or 2 out of your life....it is worth the price AND you will actually be able to "talk" with women and become more aquianted with them.

 

NOTE: Do not belittle yourself, just be honest. And even if you do not understand everything at the moment....listen. Say things like "really?" or "Humm, why is that?" Be a gentleman...

 

now..send check or money order payable to: "Just kidding!"

 

Hope this helps...also find a girl who will be your friend and give you a clothing/hair/style make-over.

 

Alternately you can look up "how to pick up women" or something like that online and find great info on body language, what to say, how to be and act etc.

Throw out the cheesy stuff and find what will work for you and then go practice.

 

Hint: If you take a girl & a guy who are friends to a club...you become a "safer male" in the eyes of the other women there.

But...

If you walk in with your buds...you better have your game on.

 

And remember, it isn't about being sooo cool as it is about being...."CONFIDENT" that IS THE thing women are looking for...a life YOU have built for yourself. And if it includes wealth...this makes you irresitable...so make YOU a life FOR YOU AND BY YOU...unless you are by nature a selfish jerk...you should do well...at this point.

 

And not every "goodlooking" woman is worth having....believe me, I married a model and she was really a big loser. Women are fickle, picky, unsure of what they really want....they want you to captivate them and take them on a safe, fun journey and unless you find one that is totally into you and settled in her own heart...watch out!!! Laughs!

[NocturnalRaids]

Curious why no written phone # or not or anything? What is the reason for your argument?

[lazer1743]

My guess is that a written phone number makes it seem like you REALLY want her to call you and not to forget it. where as the trick is to seem like your not going to fall apart if she forgets it or does not call.

 

Its mostly mind games really........dont let it be known that you are head over heels for them and they will be more curious about you.

 

Thats just my take on it.....