shadowplay Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 This is the first time I've found myself in this odd situation. I've been with my bf for almost two months, and he still feels like a stranger to me. Every time I see him I feel like he's some new person I don't know and I have to gradually get myself reaquainted and comfortable with over the course of several hours. Then I see him again in a couple of days and it's back to square one. The weird thing is we're very physically attracted to each other, physically affectionate, have a lot in common and good rapport, but we rarely discuss personal issues or emotions. He doesn't even know who I am because there are whole swaths of my personality I've never revealed to him. I've had a number of problems with depression in the past and I've never discussed this with him, or even hinted at it. There's also a whole world of insecurity I have brimming beneath the surface that colors all of my perceptions and thoughts and I've never dared reveal a trace of it to him. There are other things as well...the things I love and respond to in the world, my dreams for the future, the things that make me happy or touch me emotionally...I've never discussed any of this with him. Nor have I dared reveal to him how much I care about him. Now I think it's good not to reveal too much too early, but it just doesn't feel right that I'm hiding so much of myself from him. The problem is that he never discusses this kind of stuff himself so I feel like he would get very uncomfortable if I were to. Also, I'm just really worried about scaring him off by showing my vulnerable side. It's like we both know a lot of factual stuff about ourselves and our superficial tastes and distastes, but nothing really beneath the surface. It's the oddest feeling to be really close to somebody in one sense but total strangers in another. How do you break free from this conundrum?
birdie Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 I think it's hard to get close to somebody who doesn't want you to. I tried recently and failed - was in a similar relationship that you are describing. Some people just need more time and maybe gentle encouragement. Some people just never open up. Maybe you should try to encourage him by talking about some of the things you want to (but not making yourself vulnerable, keep it light). see how he responds. if he shuts you out completely then maybe it's time to reconsider your options.
Recommended Posts