mourningMM Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 I've been having an on-again/off-again relationship with a lover for more that 4 years. I hesitate to call him a boyfriend because it was more of a physical attachment than an emotional or social one for the past 3. We knew it wouldn't last...he didn't love me; I wasn't ready to love. But the physical intimacy was incredible. For some reason we both trusted eachother and excited eachother and (oh I don't know if this is the right word) but inspired creativitiy and openness and growth in each other. We never agreed to be exclusive. Both of us at times called it off, both at times re-intiated. In the off times, he started dating someone else...but I was under the impression that she was equally open about their relationship. We live in completely different areas and had no reason to cross eachothers paths. But my gut started telling me that somehting wasn't right and after pressing (pretty d*mn hard) he finally admitted that he hadn't told her about me the last time we started up again. I can be a casual lover ...but not a secret mistress; he understands that and we decided to stop. No contact is the best choice for us...the attraction is too much.Head says 'No, No, No'. Heart says "No No No" and the body isn't even kicking up a fuss yet. So here is the thing; I'm just lonely. I miss the attention, the emails, the connection to someone whose been in my life for years. He was a habit, I'm (I guesss) an addict.... And to be honest, I'm a bit scared. I think the next time I meet someone I'm attracted to, I'll want to dive deeper into the emotional and social relationship...and there was so much damage in that area from the divorce I'm just anxious. That is it! Anxiety/Panic...Oh how easy it is to forget this feeling! Just the act of writing this out here is therapudic. So maybe the answer is a cup of tea and an Alaprazolam! I did eat today, did exercise. But my sleep last night was interrupted. This is better than therapy! Just knowing that I can write and have this read forces me to organize my thoughts....THANKS!:D:D
birdie Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 I think maybe you need to work out why it's hard for you to get close to another person and commit to a serious relationship with somebody you like. in my experience, people with intimacy issues often pick similar types - which is what you described above
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