TurtlePower Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 Hey all, I am on the verge of possibly ending an important friendship, but before I do, I think I should try to save it at least one more time. Lately it has been an unnerving friendship that I have had with this girl over the course of the past three years. The first two years were pretty good. We would do everything together and if we couldn't do that, we would still at least try to do something on a regular basis. However, the time that we get to do anything is becoming few and far between. I must add that she is a mother of a two year old and fiance to an insecure man who does not really understand the nature of our platonic friendship. Over the past few months I have tried to hang out with not only her, but him too, to no avail. She knows how I feel about the fading friendship as I have mentioned it to her many times. At one point I asked, "When is a good time, I mean we can just hang out at your apartment, since we don't do that anymore." Her response, "No time is a good time!!" Whether she was being facetious or not, I couldn't tell. It is very frustrating because I really enjoy having her as a friend. For awhile, we considered each other best friends. I do understand the load of parenting can conflict with friendships and her free time is at a minimum. I think her guilty conscience is finally getting the best of her because when I see her at work, I really don't go out of my way to spend time with her. I wouldn't say I am ignoring her, I just have other people talking to me when she is in the area. And she gives me a look like "Hello!!! I'm over here too!!" I really don't know if I should continue to put anything into this friendship if I'm getting nothing in return. My last attempt is next Saturday, we are both off, I am going to ask her if she wants to go down the shore for a few hours just to relax and hopefully get a chance to talk without the eyes and ears of a nosy office getting in the way. My question is if this attempt once again fails, what should I do??? There is only so much a person can stand before they just give up. Thanks ahead of time.
Yamaha Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 When you are doing all of the work for the friendship and they just don't have time or are uninterested in getting together it is time to back away. You can't force a friendship and it takes 2 willing friends to make it work.
tony1953 Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 Guy Your friendship has to change because there is someone else involved now. that person is going to take priority in her life. You have to back off and let her figure out where you fit in as a friend now. don't let your friendship end, let it change. you won't see her the same way you have in the past. but hopefully in time things will change in a way all of you are comfortable. your friendship might end but don't deliberately end it.
curiousnycgirl Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 Platonic friendships are very tricky once one of the friends becomes involved. The new partner generally does not understand, puts pressure, etc. I've had it happen to me on more than one occasion as throughout my life my friends have primarily been guys. Once they pair off, generally their finaces/wives feel threatened by me. I can never understand it because if anything was going to happen, it had plenty of time to happen before they showed up! Generally I've resigned myself to the fact that most of these friendships end up falling by the wayside. I let my friend know that I will always be their friend, and if circumstances change so that they have time for me, or are able to include me in their lives, that will be nice. But if not - no hard feelings. I've never found a reason to have any big scene about it - I just sort of let it go. A few times the relationships/marriages broke up, and the friend came back. I don't judge and I don't hold it against them - they are my friends. We just continue where we left off, a little older a little wiser. I hope this helps.
whichwayisup Posted August 26, 2007 Posted August 26, 2007 At one point I asked, "When is a good time, I mean we can just hang out at your apartment, since we don't do that anymore." Her response, "No time is a good time!!" The dynamtic of your friendship has changed because of her fiance, his needs and what HE thinks of your friendship comes first. You have two choices, expect less from her, let the new dynamtic change and evolve into a different kind of friendship, or end it completely. Don't push her and ask her to spend alone time with you, or just to hang out because that isn't going to happen anymore...I know it bugs/upsets you, but again, her fiance has a problem with you two together, so you need to back off and let her approach you.
Recommended Posts