Cerise Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 My 10yr daughter wants to dye her hair blonde! I have a problem with this and she has been asking for that for alomst 2 years. Heres the thing, I let my son at 10, go and get blue streaks put in his hair, his hair was fairly short and I wasn't concerned because he would often want it really short and if he didn't like them or as they started to grow out he could just cut his hair off, no problem and that is what we did. Well I seem to have this double standered for my daughter, I let her (after much bugging) put in blonde streaks into her hair last year (she was 9), she now wants it compleatly blonde and says if I woun't let her than just streaks again is fine. But I have a problem with it and I am confused. I think kids should be able to express themselves and hair is a pretty harmless way of doing that. When I was a kid no one dyed there hair till they were teenagers but now you see 7year olds with dyed hair, to me that is too younge, and I don't belive just cause somonelse does they need to. But on the other hand if my son was to ask I would let him, why do I struggle with her? maybe cause I can't cut it off the same? or is it because I am trying to protect her, and as a girl I worry about the whole superfical thing and I don't want her trying to be a barbie doll. I would love to hear others opinions on when it is acceptable to dye your hair. I am trying to decide wether to just let her or wether to put my foot down and say no hair dying before 13 for all my children, but my son is 13 and then I feel that I am being a hypercrite! There is also the question of the fact that I already gave in and let her once, can I change my mind and say not again? or is it too late for that?
Lizzie60 Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 Problems these years I find is that parents are 'scared' to put their foot down and simply say 'NO'. I never had any problems with my daughter, she was a 'model' kid... but with my son, he wanted to die his hair... wanted piercings.. then wanted those freaky yellow lenses (like Marilyn Manson). I said NO... period. What's wrong with parents these days saying NO to kids... this is completely ridiculous... Parents are too 'weak' IMO... or they don't want the hassle that their 'NO' will cause. I find it sad...really sad.. in the meantime kids make wrong decisions.
laRubiaBonita Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 i agree with L60... No means No. and you could also throw in that blonde is not her color if she pulls the "you let billy do it" crap, just tell her she is NOT billy and you will not discuss it any further. kids think parent have to give them a good reason for everything, when you really you call all the shots.
Lizzie60 Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 i agree with L60... No means No. and you could also throw in that blonde is not her color if she pulls the "you let billy do it" crap, just tell her she is NOT billy and you will not discuss it any further. kids think parent have to give them a good reason for everything, when you really you call all the shots. That's where she made a mistake IMO... by letting the son, at 10, die his hair... now she's stuck with the daughter wanting the same thing... Is it fair for her? no... I am against the 'no is no and I will not discuss it any further'... I think that when you say no.. you should say why you say no...but then stick to the reason... In her case, if I was in her shoes, I would say that she made a mistake when she said yes for him before and she doesn't want to repeat the same mistake again... It's OK for parents to admit that they have made mistakes... parents are human... But from what I see, everywhere, in grocery stores, in public transit.. parents are just 'wimps' and are scared to say no...and stand by their decision.
laRubiaBonita Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 what is the age difference between brother and sister Cerise?
Author Cerise Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 I have no problem saying "NO" when I firmly believe somthing, and in that case I have my reasons and give them to them, they may not like them but when I believe in somthing I have no problem sticking to it regardless. My problem with this is I let him do it without putting any thought into my values on the subject. Then I let her do it because I felt that I let him. Once again not really looking at the bigger picture, and feeling like my reasons for her not doing it were kind of a double standered. I do agree that we make mistakes and that I can change my mind, what I am trying to figure out is how I really feel about the subject and wether it is really a big deal or not. I am also trying to understand why I feel comfortable letting him do it and not her as that is confuses me and I am not sure that is right.
Trialbyfire Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 I look at this from a practical perspective. Why ruin their gorgeous, healthy hair with dying and streaking? They can do that anytime later in life. On the other hand, I think you've been fair. Both your son and your daughter were allowed highlights. Beyond that, they'll have to wait until they're older and save up enough to get it done on their own. This will prove to you how much they really want it versus it just being a declaration of independence to their parent(s).
Author Cerise Posted August 24, 2007 Author Posted August 24, 2007 what is the age difference between brother and sister Cerise? 3 years- he is 13 and she is 10 and my youngest is 8 but has no desire to dye her hair thankfully! Another thing - I wount let her dye all her hair as I am firm about this, but the streaks cause me conflict as I have already done them.
laRubiaBonita Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 I have no problem saying "NO" when I firmly believe somthing, and in that case I have my reasons and give them to them, they may not like them but when I believe in somthing I have no problem sticking to it regardless. My problem with this is I let him do it without putting any thought into my values on the subject. Then I let her do it because I felt that I let him. Once again not really looking at the bigger picture, and feeling like my reasons for her not doing it were kind of a double standered. I do agree that we make mistakes and that I can change my mind, what I am trying to figure out is how I really feel about the subject and wether it is really a big deal or not. I am also trying to understand why I feel comfortable letting him do it and not her as that is confuses me and I am not sure that is right. because guys hair is usually relatively easier to fix- or cut out a bad dye job. i dyed my hair blonde hair blue when i was 18, with the stuff that supposedly washed out after a few months. a year later it still had a blue tinge to it... more greyish looking really. and it did strip my hair, it would not even dye to blonde! it costs too much money to do it too. ask her if she can afford all those touch ups every month or two.....
nittygritty Posted August 25, 2007 Posted August 25, 2007 There is nothing wrong with admitting to your kids that you made a mistake by letting your son dye his hair at 10. Explain to her that the only reason you let him was because he keeps his hair cut short and you knew that the dye would only last temporarily since it would all be cut off. When my daughter wanted her hair a lighter color I put a few blonde streaks in it but she was 14 and her hair was light blonde when she was little. I pulled it through a cap and only put a few streaks in it so that she wouldn't have "roots" or a distinction of color from new hair growth. If her hair is dark than I wouldn't do it. The wrong bleach can easily turn dark hair orange or a brassy yellow color. Also, bleach changes the texture of hair, she probably is to young to know how to take care of it. I would say "no". She is too young to know what would be best for her and she is going to be upset if it doesn't turn out how she envisions it.
marriedandsad Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 I went through something similar with my older sister. She's 5 years my senior. She got a car at 16, I wasn't allowed to get my license until I was 18, she got a huge party for her 21st party, I got nothing, she was allowed to have a phone in her room, I wasn't, she got a TV in her room, I didn't...you get the idea. NOW we basically go at each other throats half the time, especially considering I have a child and she does not. By allowing your son to do it, you opened the door for your daughter to want the same thing and broach the "But you let HIM do it..." appeal. Have you asked your daughter WHY she wants her hair dyed blonde? Maybe she wants to look like someone she admires, or perhaps she's bored with how she looks. Perhaps you can compromise on a new hair style or something similiar.
Woggle Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 It will grow back but if I were you I would tell her to wait a few years because 10 years old is too young to be dying her hair.
Author Cerise Posted September 12, 2007 Author Posted September 12, 2007 Ok I thought about it, talked with my H and read everything that was wrote here. I have told her that I feel she is too young, I said "yes, I let your brother, and I let you once before so you have both got to do it once but I also thought about it after I let you and I feel that you are too young and I would like you to wait until your a teenager and then we can talk about it again." She was dissapointed but didn't argue and seemed to understand where I was coming from and just said "ok mom" My son shows no interest in doing anything with his hair (including washing it grrrr) so I can hopfully just leave everything as you both got to do it once and now no more. Thanks for the opinions!
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