reservoirdog1 Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 Here's my sitch. Been with my GF for over a year. Things are going great. Our kids all get along well. We don't yet live together but that's on the horizon, sometime in the next year most likely. Problem: the father of my GF's 2-year-old daugther is a manipulative, narcissistic prick. (Seriously, he seems to fit most of the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder.) Basically he abandoned her during pregnancy, and paid little child support until a few months ago. Her efforts to get him to contribute more usually resulted in him trying to minimize his income by being purposely under-employed. Finally, this spring, he took her to court to try to get his CS reduced even more. Wisely, my GF hired a lawyer (cost her a bundle), and pr!ck-boy got his balls handed to him on a platter. The judge didn't believe anything he had to say (he owns several pieces of property, has two degrees, but chooses to work a crappy job), imputed a pretty good income to him, ordered him to pay more than he was paying... basically told him that if he wasn't making the income he was capable of making, he'd better damned well start. Since then, he's paid. However, he routinely sends my GF lengthy emails, painting himself as the victim, saying she's money-hungry (hardly...), saying that the judge was a psychopath and biased against him, that the 2-year-old is going to wind up being a drug-addicted prostitute because of my GF (I'm not making this up), etc. It wouldn't surprise me if, in coming years, he tries to poison the 2-year-old against her mother. Needless to say, this is all highly upsetting for my GF. I've made some suggestions about how she should respond to him. And I know that, if my XW ever tried to turn my kids against ME, I'd set the record straight without hesitation, and do everything within my power to damage her (non-physically). But, that's not my real question. What I'd like to know, from guys whose W/GF has a difficult ex, what do YOU do in these situations? How do you see your role? Is it your place to help her fight the battles with him (i.e. going toe to toe with him, figuratively)? Or is it your place to be in the background as her support and encouragement, but NOT be an active participant? I'm not looking so much for advice, but more a sense of what other guys do in this kind of situation. I'll have no problem doing the mano-e-mano thing with him if it ever comes to that, and if he ever tries to hurt her physically (which I doubt he would), he is a dead man. But he hasn't crossed the line in a substantive way, beyond really upsetting her emotionally, and just generally being a pr!ck. Thoughts, anybody? Thanks.
Lizzie60 Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 But, that's not my real question. What I'd like to know, from guys whose W/GF has a difficult ex, what do YOU do in these situations? How do you see your role? Is it your place to help her fight the battles with him (i.e. going toe to toe with him, figuratively)? Or is it your place to be in the background as her support and encouragement, but NOT be an active participant? I'm not looking so much for advice, but more a sense of what other guys do in this kind of situation. I say... just stay in the background and support her... This is between her and her ex... you just need to support her, that's all.
Cobra_X30 Posted August 24, 2007 Posted August 24, 2007 Yeah, try not to get involved too much. You have your own children to worry about. Just baby momma drama! Does she even want you to get involved? My personal thoughts are... she made her own mistake by getting with this guy. Let her fix it. I'd get tired of the drama really quick. I'm only going to give emotional support if Im recieving it. Of course Im kind of a prick too... LOL
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