Girlfriend acting distant

[Exl]

Well, this time I need some advice. Thanks for reading this in advance, especially if it becomes lengthy.

 

I've been in a (would consider it very good) relationship for the last 2 years with this girl. We're both in our 20's however I'm a few years older.

 

We pretty much fell in love at first sight, we started dating 3 days after she moved into town. We were very passionate, very understanding of each other, and couldn't get enough of each other.

 

She is a VERY beautiful young girl. She gets hit on or getting compliments from complete strangers pretty much all the time, even when she's with me.

 

I do love her, I came from a past of storming relationships with the "wrong kind of girls" and pretty much always got hurt. She was all I ever wanted. In the past we've even discussed the possibility of getting married.

 

I've always tried to be a great boyfriend. Always was around when help was needed for anything. Pretty much I've always been there for her when she needed it. Always walk her to the station when she goes out for the weekend with her parents, or anywhere else she needs to go, like shopping.

 

However, for a few months some stuff hasn't been so right anymore. I'd reckon it started when she moved to another place and got a flatmate. Don't take it wrong, she's a great girl, but since then it seems she occupies TOO much of the time we used to have only to ourselves, when she lived alone. She follows around everywhere, pretty much the only time we have for ourselves is the weekend, when she visits her parents. So our sex life has been going down for some time now.

 

We started not having a lot of time together, and sometimes it felt we took our little free time out of planning rather than just spontaneous, when the flatmate was not around.

 

It's been a while and now they're moving, and bringing in another flatmate. That's not what worries me though, even though our free time alone will probably be even less.

 

From time to time she gets this mood, and starts acting strangely. Distant, not very affectionate. I am usually very sensitive for this, and it does hurt me. It usually comes and goes. And since she has trouble to speak out her mind, I usually only get silence for answers.

 

However, with time she started not kissing me (passionately) in public, then since we were with her flatmate most of the time we didn't cuddle much either, even at home, so there's been a progressive fall in her display of affection towards me. Pretty much in public all I get for some time is a shy "hello" and "goodbye" kiss and she holds my hand most of the time, when we're walking in the street.

 

We've had some problems that really shook our relationship on some guy who was hitting on her some night and I approached him. We were all pretty much drunk, but we got really mad at each other for not much of a reason, and for some time it really hurt our relationship, plus we didn't have much time together still. We came over it after actually ONCE got her to talk to me, even though just barely the enough. Still, something has been somewhat not totally right since then. As far as I know she never cheated on me, and she claims she never will while in a relationship.

 

It stresses me out when she goes out at night - especially when I'm not around - because of the permanent guys hitting on her I know there are. Also, she and her friends drink quite a LOT. She says she's fine with it but that doesn't really help much. She admitted she likes to have guys buying her drinks.

 

Well she's been one month away for vacations with her parents, friends, and so on. She came back to visit me for 4 days, and well... She was like that. Distant, unaffectionate, seems like I wasn't even there most of the time. That made it even odder since we hadn't seen each other for the last month. I spent 4 horrible days thinking "why this?" and I actually ressented it. She knew I did. I asked it what was going on and she, as usual, didn't answer. I pretty much had to wrestle the mood for any small kiss I could get from her. Ir was really awkward and eventually I quit and pretty much the mood got into me. I have the feeling (and told her so) that she even slipped away from a couple of kisses.

 

Despite the lack of affection, from times to times she took off the "distant" mask for a few seconds, and just smiled at me the charming way she always does. While with common friends, she still spoke of us in the future tense, as in stuff we're planning to do in 2-3 months. However, it didn't feel right overall, and I really felt VERY put aside.

 

I still told her what I though the last minutes I had with her before she went away for another month, that I loved her and didn't understand what was going on, and was feeling hurt by it. She just nodded and hugged me but pretty much didn't say anything. Not much for an answer.

 

Since the start of the vacations, we hadn't spoke much, she went out a lot, and I even know of a couple of times she did so without telling me. We talked on the phone for 10-15 minutes (almost) every day but it was about it. Pretty much I was feeling I had to lead the conversation, so in a way this was already coming. Now she's away and back to the same thing. I barely hear from her. I know she's probably going out every evening and that's why she doesn't call me, she doesn't answer my few text messages either, most of the time.

 

I feel hurt and put aside, and really am having problems in dealing with this, and am wondering what people think this may be?

 

We really were needing of a new kickstart to our relationship again, in any case. First year was wonderful, this second is starting to lower the odds quite a bit. I do still love her.

 

One of the things I feel the most is the lack of communication there is (pretty much always has been) between us when it's truly needed. She just closes in and keeps silent, and isn't able to talk at all.

 

Would like to know what thought anyone has on this. Would be greatly appreciated.

[Krytellan]

Well, it sounds like a couple of things are happening. First of all, it doesn't seem like she's quite mature enough to handle a serious relationship yet. She seems to have a lot going on and my impression is that she still has a lot of little girl in her. I find this age to be a very scary time to be with a woman (early 20s) because a lot of things change in that time and that may be what you're experiencing.

 

Regardless, you will have to get over this jealousy you have about other guys. You need to trust the girl you are with to not respond to these guys rather than worry about what will happen. If you're worried about what will happen then that says more about how you feel about the relationship than anything else. It's not worth being in a relationship that you have to "watch out" for your gf in.

[mental_traveller]

Break up with her, and don't make any contact. Then if she is no longer into you, she'll accept it and move on. More likely, she'll still have feelings for you, and seeing you pull away will suddenly make her want to get you back again. This time you accept, but on your terms, not hers.